SERIES: Smart Home
MESSAGE: Following the Blueprint: A Husband’s Love
SPEAKER: Skip Heitzig
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 5:25-32

To live in a Smart Home, occupants must follow the architect’s blueprint. God, the inventor of marriage, has given roles to husbands and wives so they can live together in harmony and joy. The basic role of a husband is to love his wife. This love is explained and described by the architect in the building documents found in Ephesians 5. This kind of love that a husband lavishes on his wife will enable her to fulfill her role with greater ease and deeper contentment.

Connect Recap Notes: August 19, 2018
Speaker: Skip Heitzig
Teaching: "Following the Blueprint—A Husband's Love"
Text: Ephesians 5:25-32


To live in a Smart Home, occupants must follow the architect's blueprint. God,
the inventor of marriage, has given roles to husbands and wives so they can live together in harmony and joy. The basic role of a husband is to love his wife. This love is explained and described by the architect in the building documents found in Ephesians 5. This kind of love that a husband lavishes on his wife will enable her to fulfill her role with greater ease and deeper contentment.

  1. A Singular Love (v. 25a)
  2. A Sacrificial Love (v. 25b)
  3. A Sanctifying Love (vv. 26-27)
  4. A Sensitive Love (vv. 28-30)
  5. A Shatterproof Love (v. 31)
  6. A Showcase Love (v. 32)

A Singular Love A Sacrificial LoveA Sanctifying Love A Sensitive Love A Shatterproof LoveA Showcase Love Practice

Connect Up: What are some reasons you think God created marriage? The Bible offers several: to not be alone, for procreation, and to provide a picture of Christ's love for the Church. What are some other reasons? Consider how marriage makes each spouse more like Christ. Using 1 Corinthians 13, discuss love's Christ-like qualities in the context of marriage: patient, longsuffering, kind, does not envy, rejoices in the truth, etc.

Connect In: Research shows that fifty-three percent of very happy couples agree with the statement: "God is at the center of our marriage."1 Discuss ways Christian couples can keep Christ at the center of their lives. If you have a healthy marriage, share the habits/reasons behind its success. If you have an unhealthy marriage, share how you might improve.

Connect Out: How do we reach out to and encourage people with troubled marriages? Consider these ten insights from Christianity Today:2Do you agree with these? What would you add or delete?

1 Ed Stetzer, "Marriage, Divorce, and the Church: What do the stats say, and can marriage be happy?," February 14, 2014,, accessed 8/19/18.
2 Ed Stetzer, "10 Things I've Learned After 26 Years of Marriage," August 15, 2013,, accessed 8/19/18.

"Following the Blueprint—A Husband's Love"
Ephesians 5:25-32

  1. Introduction
    1. In our culture, marriage has become an uncertain institution; people are hesitant to marry because they're not sure it'll work out
      1. As a result, the world seeks to create an ironclad way to keep a marriage together—a prenuptial agreement
      2. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards" —Benjamin Franklin
    2. Ephesians 5 is the Home Depot for the smart home, to build and strengthen the marriage; in it, Paul clearly stated the God-given roles of husbands and wives
    3. There are several prerequisites for building a smart home
      1. We are to be controlled by the Spirit (see v. 18)
      2. We are to be thankful in all things, including the positions and conditions we find ourselves in (see v. 20)
      3. Mutual submission is achieved by fulfilling the roles of husband and wife (see v. 21)
    4. The basic scriptural role of the husband in one word is love; the husband's leadership is to be one of love—servant leadership
    5. Everyone on earth is incompatible with everyone else on earth; it's just a matter of time before you figure it out
      1. We are incompatible because we have a fallen, sinful nature
      2. "In any marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage" —Robert Anderson
  2. A Singular Love (v. 25a)
    1. Love your wife—not anyone else's
    2. Originally, the word husband referred to a farmer/cultivator
      1.  In John 15:1, Jesus referred to His Father as "the husbandman" (KJV)
      2. So, the husband is a cultivator—he cultivates the relationship by placing it in the soil of his singular love for his wife
        1. "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them" (Colossians 3:19, ESV)
        2. A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries
    3. The Greek word used here is the present active imperative of agape—the most far-reaching, deepest, highest quality of love in the New Testament
      1. "Go all out in your love for your wives" (Ephesians 5:25, MSG)
      2. Women will naturally respond to that singular love that they receive from their husbands—willing submission
    4. The husband is the head of the home, but if love is lost, the marriage degenerates into a petty tyranny
      1. Loving authority must be mixed with affection
      2. Love is not taught—it is caught; one burning heart will ignite another
    5. A husband is to be a leader, but a lover—and the balance of the two must be reached: a tender warrior and servant-leader
      1. If he's all leader, he's a tyrant
      2. If he's all lover, he's a mushy sap
  3. A Sacrificial Love (v. 25b)
    1. Paul continued with a simile: "as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her"
      1. The cross of Christ is the most selfless, sacrificial act of love in history
      2. Paul took the highest human relationship—marriage—and compared it to the highest act of love in history
      3. Sacrificial is the manner in which the husband's singular love is to be expressed
      4. If a husband is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for his wife, he should also be willing to make every other sacrifice short of that
    2. Sacrificial love is not an emotional love—it's volitional, an active love
      1. This is the difference between worldly love and love in a Christian marriage—love that requires us to be filled with the Holy Spirit
      2. The world says, "Let's love each other until our feelings stop"; biblical love is not a flush of emotion
  4. Sanctifying Love (vv. 26-27)
    1. The word sanctify was originally a secular word that meant to take something and set it apart for a particular use
    2. Isaiah 1:18
    3. The husband takes his wife out of the world and never brings it up again
      1. He is willing to forgive her and present her to the Lord and to himself; she is set apart for a particular purpose
      2. When we come to Christ, we are forgiven and cleansed immediately, but we walk every day through the muck and mire of this world
        1. We need forgiveness every day
        2. As Jesus said when He washed His disciples' feet, "He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet" (John 13:10)
      3. A marriage is simply the union of two sinners, therefore a good marriage is a union between two forgivers
      4. Husbands set the temperature of the home—the temperature of love, forgiveness, and sanctification
  5. A Sensitive Love (vv. 28-30)
    1. A man's wife is an extension of himself, thus he should care for her the way he cares for himself
      1. This will give her security, and she will respond with love and submission
      2. "Flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23)
    2. When a husband takes care of his wife's needs, he develops her sense of well-being
    3. "After interviewing hundreds of wives and daughters, there is one consistent plea. Please be comforting instead of lecturing and criticizing" —Gary Smalley
  6. A Shatterproof Love (v. 31)
    1. Biblical love is shatterproof, permanent
      1. In verse 31, Paul referenced Genesis 2:24
      2. What was true over a thousand years before Paul wrote to the Ephesian church was still true as he wrote to them; what God once said, He still says
      3. The Greek word used here is proskolláō, which literally means to glue to or cleave to
      4. Matthew 19:6
    2. In verse 25, Paul used the present active imperative form of agapeagapâté—which means that biblical love is constant, unwavering, active, and continually present
  7. A Showcase Love (v. 32)
    1. In this verse, Paul provided the why after the what
      1. Biblical marriage ought to be an illustration of how Jesus and His church are one
      2. Marriage should be a horizontal microcosm of a vertical reality, a vertical relationship
      3. The unconditional love we receive from God ought to spread on a horizontal level
    2. A good Christian marriage is a good Christian witness—it makes redemption visible
    3. When you have a husband who lovingly leads by sacrificing, cultivating, and nurturing, and a wife who responds by submitting to her husband's needs lovingly, that is a good witness to the world
    4. Marriage isn't perfect, but in an imperfect sense, it's a reflection of the kind of love that God has for His people
    5. "A Christian marriage serves a threefold purpose: to enrich the lives of a man and a woman, to create a family, and third, to further the Kingdom of God" —Jack Roeda
  8. Conclusion
    1. Husbands are under attack in our culture, portrayed by the mainstream media as oafs who don't contribute to the family in any meaningful way
    2. There is a strategy behind that: To neutralize an army, take out the commander; to ruin a nation's morale, kill the ruler; to ruin the church, destroy the pastor; to devastate a family, take out the leader
    3. To counteract this attack, husbands need to rise up and be strong, tender leaders who love their wives as they are called to do
Figures referenced: Robert Anderson, Benjamin Franklin, Jack Roeda, Gary Smalley

Cross references: Genesis 2:23-24; Isaiah 1:18; Matthew 19:6; John 13:10; 15:1; Ephesians 2:18, 20-21; Colossians 3:16, 19

Greek words: agapâté, agápē, proskolláō 

Topic: husbands

Keywords: cultivating, husband, leadership, love, marriage, nurturing, role, submission, wife

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