SERIES: Smart Home
MESSAGE: Building Your Future Home with Care
SPEAKER: Skip Heitzig
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 5:15-21

MESSAGE SUMMARY
The construction of a house is no small undertaking. After the blueprints have been drawn up and approved, there are a series of steps to take to ensure the building is strong and durable. The verses we are considering today give us the preliminary features necessary to live peacefully with another person. Before the roles of family members can ever be exercised successfully, these considerations come first.

STUDY GUIDE
Connect Recap Notes: September 2, 2018
Speaker: Skip Heitzig
Teaching: "Building Your Future Home with Care"
Text: Ephesians 5:15-21

Path

The construction of a house is no small undertaking. After the blueprints have been drawn up and approved, there are a series of steps to take to ensure the building is strong and durable. The verses we are considering today give us the preliminary features necessary to live peacefully with another person. Before the roles of family members can ever be exercised successfully, these considerations come first.

  1. The Footings: How Careful Are You? (vv. 15-17)
  2. The Foundation: Who's in Control? (v. 18)
  3. The Framing: What Rooms Are Included? (vv. 19-20)
  4. The Fencing: How Do You Protect Residents? (v. 21)
Points

The Footings: How Careful Are You?The Foundation: Who's in Control?The Framing: What Rooms Are Included?The Fencing: How Do You Protect Residents?Practice

Connect Up: As the architect of family and marriage, why is it important to let the Lord build your home? What truths from Pastor Skip's teaching hit home the most for you?

Connect In: Your own family is important but so is the church family. How do the principles shared in this teaching apply to the body of Christ? For example, people in the church are also called to submit to one another, to sing songs, and to love one another. What other parallels do you find between family and the church?

Connect Out: How would you reach out to a hurting family to help them find a heathy balance in their home? Do you agree with these healthy practices from Faith Along the Way?1Or would you recommend a simple route, such as:
Pray together. A family that prays together stays together.
Read the Bible together during meals or a family devotion time.
Attitude. Your attitude should be like Jesus' attitude: "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition" (see Philippians 2:1-4).
You. A family is not about you, but us. Recognize that no person is an island, as the poet John Donne wrote, but a "piece of the continent, a part of the main."2 We are to seek peace for the greater good of the family, looking out for one another in love.


1 Abi Craig, "Seven Characteristics of a Strong Family," https://faithalongtheway.com/characteristics-of-a-strong-family/, accessed 9/4/18.
2 John Donne, "No Man Is an Island," https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/no-man-is-an-island/, accessed 9/4/18.

DETAILED NOTES
"Building Your Future Home with Care"
Ephesians 5:15-21

  1. Introduction
    1. God's will for our relationships, our families, our homes is to blossom in a field of weeds
      1. "We are surrounded by foreign, hostile, and home-shattering influences in our world today. The supported elements of our society no longer feed and shade us. The Christian home must blossom in a field of weeds" —Howard Hendricks
      2. Our focus should not be the house so much as the home—not the edifice, but the relationships that bloom in that house
    2. Most teachings from this passage of Ephesians begin at verse 22; that is unfair relationally and out of context theologically
      1. The first mention of submission in the passage is in verse 21—"submitting to one another in the fear of God"
      2. The thought begins grammatically in verse 18; two commands followed by four examples of what it means or looks like to follow those commands
      3. The context can be found where the paragraph begins—with verse 15
    3. In this passage, Paul was telling the Ephesian Christians how to live as children and ambassadors of light in a dark world
      1.  Generally, then specifically as the passage continues
      2. The rest of chapter 5 through 6:9 expands on that message and individualizes it
  2. The Footings: How Careful Are You? (vv. 15-17)
    1. The footings are where the home meets the soil; they will eventually hold the weight of the house
      1. Must be calculated very carefully—deep enough, wide enough, etc.
      2. What happens in the house depends on what happens in the ground first; the structural integrity begins with the footings
    2. Circumspectly—from two Latin words literally meaning to look around carefully
      1. As you launch into any new relationship with a person, watch where you're going; be careful about the choices you make
      2. Walking circumspectly through the world today is like walking a tightrope, staying connected to God while watching every move we make
      3. Early dating experiences should be the footings, setting the perimeter and the parameters
    3. Two qualifications of walking circumspectly
      1. "Not as fools but as wise" (v. 15)
      2. "Do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is" (v. 17)
        1. Wisdom is not knowledge; sometimes when it comes to relationships, it's easy to act unwisely
        2. Believers should be marked by wisdom
  3. The Foundations: Who's in Control? (v. 18)
    1. Everything inside the house rests on the foundation
      1. The foundation holds up everything and everyone in the home
      2. The foundation controls the future well-being of that house; the unseen supports what is seen
    2. Why do so many Christian marriages fail?
      1. Often it comes down to a control issue: the Holy Spirit is not allowed to control both spouses
      2. Unless we yield to that which is above us, we will soon yield to that which is around us
      3. Are you yielding to the Holy Spirit or the unholy spirit (yourself)? Or worldly ideals?
    3. Paul gave two commands
      1. The negative: "Do not be drunk with wine" (v. 18)
      2. The positive: "But be filled with the Spirit" (v. 18)
      3. Paul made the comparison to point out the superficial similarity between the two
      4. Perhaps Paul simply said it because of his audience (Ephesus was wine country; the temple of Dionysus was in Ephesus)
      5. Paul's message to the Ephesians was this: rather than lose control to alcohol, allow the Holy Spirit to control you
    4. The Greek word used here is pléroó—to fill something to the brim
      1. Instead of water filling a cup, think of it as a hand filling a glove; without the hand, the glove is powerless
      2. Wind filling the sails of a ship
      3. Sometimes it's used of control, as an emotion can control (see John 16:6); so, to be filled with the Holy Spirit is to allow Him to control your life
    5. There will always be a void in a relationship if Jesus Christ is excluded from it
  4. The Framing: What Rooms Are Included? (vv. 19-20)
    1. The Music Room: "Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns"
      1. When you are filled with the Spirit, you have a worshipful heart
      2. When the Holy Spirit of God is controlling a marriage, there will be joy in that relationship
      3. What kind of music fills your home?
    2. The Meditation Room: "Singing and making melody in your heart"
      1. The proof that the Holy Spirit is controlling you is the peace and contentment you have in your heart, and that is a result of what you meditate on (see Philippians 4:8)
      2. The question of how much joy is in your home can be answered by how much joy is in your heart
    3. The Mood Room: "Giving thanks always for all things"
      1. The attitude of gratitude needs to be in your home
      2. The tough part is "always for all things," but on the other side of the difficult circumstances of life is a God who can change those things
      3. When you find yourself at fault, you can be thankful that He is forgiving
      4. How much gratitude is in your home?
      5. A home filled with complaining is incompatible with the Holy Spirit's control
        1. If He's controlling you, but you're complaining about His control, there are problems in your relationship with Him
        2. Psalm 103:1-2
          1. When we forget His benefits, thanksgiving does not come out of our mouths, but complaining
          2. When we remember His benefits, we start thanking Him
  5. The Fencing: How Do You Protect Residents? (v. 21)
    1. "Submitting to one another in the fear of God" (v. 21)
      1. Hupotassó—to arrange yourself underneath something or someone
      2. The filling of the Holy Spirit makes a person humble, not haughty; the filling of the Holy Spirit creates a submissive attitude
      3. The evidence of the Holy Spirit is a humble attitude
    2. Submission is mutual, not to be done just by one, but by everyone
      1. Verse 21 is a transitional verse: a principle is given, then four examples of that principle are given in the following verses (the wife's role of submission, husband's role of submission, child's role of submission, parent's role of submission)
        1. The husband's role of submission: "as Christ also loved the church" (v. 25)
        2. There is no greater act of submission than Jesus' obedience to His Father in sacrificing Himself for us
        3. The husband gets underneath the wife to help bear the load she carries
      2. The best way to avoid a collision in your marriage is through mutual submission
  6. Conclusion
    1. Let the Holy Spirit fill you in the midst of the darkness of the world
    2. Don't worry about those around you; watch what the Spirit will do with you when you allow Him to take control of your life
Figures referenced: Howard Hendricks

Cross references: Psalms 103:1-2; John 16:6; Ephesians 5:22-6:9; Philippians 4:8

Greek words: hupotassó, pléroó

Topic: the home

Keywords: building, care, foundation, Holy Spirit, humility, submission


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