SERIES: Smart Home
MESSAGE: The Master Bedroom: Components of Marital Intimacy
SPEAKER: Skip Heitzig
SCRIPTURE: Proverbs 5:15-21

Being intimate with your spouse involves more than just sex (though it certainly includes that). Intimacy is a sense of caring and affection in which one can be totally vulnerable with someone without the fear of being hurt or misunderstood. The physical/sexual factor should only enhance that. Intimacy is essential if a marriage is going to thrive. Let’s recover four components of marital intimacy.

Connect Recap Notes: September 16, 2018
Speaker: Skip Heitzig
Teaching: "The Master Bedroom: Components of Marital Intimacy"
Text: Proverbs 5:15-21


Being intimate with your spouse involves more than just sex (though it certainly includes that). Intimacy is a sense of caring and affection in which one can be totally vulnerable with someone without the fear of being hurt or misunderstood. The physical/sexual factor should only enhance that. Intimacy is essential if a marriage is going to thrive. Pastor Skip taught four ways to recover components of marital intimacy:

  1. Intimacy Begins with Commitment (v. 18)
  2. Intimacy Grows with Enjoyment (v. 18)
  3. Intimacy Includes Allurement (vv. 15, 19-20)
  4. Intimacy Is Part of Covenant (v. 21)

Intimacy Begins with CommitmentIntimacy Grows with EnjoymentIntimacy Includes AllurementIntimacy Is Part of CovenantPractice

Connect Up: How can intimacy reflect our relationship with the Lord? For example, various emotions in an intimate relationship correspond to those Christians have with the Lord. Discuss the following: love, care, knowing, trust, honesty, real communication, actively present with each other, and being oneself—open and sincere.

Connect In: Though uncomfortable at times (and considered taboo within some denominations), how can a church help teach and cultivate more intimacy between a husband and wife? One way is, as Pastor Skip demonstrated, teach it from the pulpit. What are other avenues that can strengthen and encourage marriage relationships within the church?

Connect Out: In a day and age where sex is promoted in ungodly ways in our society, how can Christians help people overcome a nonbiblical view of sex, helping people find the Lord and help for sexual addictions?4What are some of the more prominent sexual addictions (e.g. porn)? Discuss biblical remedies (see 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 12:1-2; Romans 7:24-25).5

1 P.S. Williams, "Christianity & Sex," 1998,, accessed 9/16/18.
2 Baylor Media Communications, "Baylor Study: Cellphones Can Damage Romantic Relationships, Lead to Depression," September 29, 2015,, accessed 9/16/18.
3 The Wall Street Journal, "Couples on Different Sleep Schedules Can Expect Conflict—and Adapt," September 9, 2014,, accessed 9/16/18.
4 According to, "Sexual addiction is a condition that involves the sufferer becoming excessively preoccupied with thoughts or behaviors that give a desired sexual effect."
5 Some suggestions by Ed Young:

"The Master Bedroom: Components of Marital Intimacy"
Proverbs 5:15-21

  1. Introduction
    1. The Bible has a lot to say about physical intimacy within marriage; the master bedroom should be an important consideration in the smart home
    2. Proverbs 5 is essentially a father giving advice to his son about life, especially sexual temptation
      1. Verses 1-14: the disastrous results of sexual promiscuity, the dangers of immorality, and those who have been destroyed by it
      2. Verses 15-23: the delightful results of marital intimacy
    3. Intimacy is much more than sex, though certainly sex is part of it
    4. Some have been raised to believe that sex is dirty; they are uncomfortable and uneasy talking about it
    5. Consequently, as parents, they don't train their children in the fundamentals
      1. Sex is like soil—dark, rich, nutrient-laden soil is great, in its proper context
      2. Sex is like fire—when in the right place, it's a good thing, but outside of that context, it can be dangerous
    6. The smart home will have a master bedroom that is a sanctuary—a place of refuge
      1. "The inner sanctuary of the temple" (2 Chronicles 5:7)
      2. The master bedroom should be a sacred place for the husband and wife
      3. There should be firm boundaries to protect that sanctuary—that's where they will be able to reconnect and recalibrate their relationship
  2. Intimacy Begins with Commitment (v. 18)
    1. Intimacy requires a commitment—a monogamous, lifelong relationship
      1. Where commitment is firmly in place is where intimacy can truly flourish; commitment creates a safe place for intimacy to grow and flourish
      2. Biblical examples of commitment:
        1. Ruth's commitment to Naomi (see Ruth 1:16-17)
        2. God's commitment to His people (see Hebrews 13:5)
    2. Commitment has been sidelined in our culture; couples become tire-kickers—they test out living together before committing to marriage
      1. Research shows that those who enter into marriage with a sense of permanence and real commitment are more likely to be successful than those who do not
      2. Based on fifty years of data, couples who live together before marriage are 50 percent more likely to divorce than those who don't
      3. These couples have stolen a level of intimacy that is not warranted at that point, nor has it been validated by their commitment to each other
  3. Intimacy Grows with Enjoyment (v. 18)
    1. Living joyfully is one thing on the honeymoon, but quite another issue as the marriage continues
      1. In verse 18, the Hebrew word translated as rejoice is samach, which literally means to brighten up
      2. Used similarly in Ecclesiastes 9:9
    2. A successful couple works to maintain the friendship, cultivate the companionship, nurture the relationship, and enjoy it
      1. The most successful couples are those who continue to bond
      2. The challenge is how to continue to bring enjoyment into the relationship so that a couple can enjoy being with each other
      3. It takes work to make marriage enjoyable; anything worthwhile takes work
    3. You don't have a good marriage because you say that you have one, want to have one, or know how to get one—you have one because you work hard at it
      1. Often, sexual problems in a marriage are symptomatic—indicators of deeper problems
      2. "Conflicts, quarrels, bitter words will in time have an adverse effect on sexual harmony. One reason why it appears that sexual adjustment is difficult to achieve is that failure in any one or several of the other major areas of marital life is reflected in physical relationships. Generally, a couple which has achieved a satisfactory co-operative framework in which to face all of their problems will find a minimum of difficulty in coming together sexually" —James Peterson
  4. Intimacy Includes Allurement (vv. 15, 19-20)
    1. Sex wasn't invented in Hollywood or Las Vegas, but in the loving heart of a loving God (see Genesis 1:27)
    2. Several words to notice throughout Proverbs 5 are cistern, well, streams, fountains
      1. These are all places of refreshment and sustenance
      2. Metaphorically, these words are used to speak of a couple's sexual delight and satisfaction
      3. Solomon used similar terms in Song of Solomon 4:15
      4. Another word used in Proverbs 5 is enraptured (v. 19); this word means to be intoxicated with, to swerve, to meander, to reel
    3. God made every part of your body; you were designed by the Creator to enjoy sexual stimulation
      1. In Hebrews 13:4, bed in the Greek is koité—literally sexual intercourse
      2. Song of Solomon 5:10-16; 7:1-9
    4. There are three biblical purposes for sex:
      1. Babies—"Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28)
      2. Bonding
        1. Sex is more than the physical act; it is a bond that brings the couple together emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually
        2. Sex is a means of getting to know each other in the deepest possible way
      3. Bliss
        1. To bring pleasure, satisfaction, and release
        2. The sexual impulse is God-given, and it must be God-guided
  5. Intimacy Is Part of Covenant (v. 21)
    1. God has promised that He'll be a witness to the vows that you share with each other
      1. "The ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord" (v. 21)
      2. God needs to be involved in our relationships
    2. Bring God into your marriage and keep Him there; you'll have a better marriage
      1. You will have greater intimacy and higher sexual pleasure if you keep God at the center of your marriage
      2. According to two Family Life seminar researchers, Christians generally experience a higher degree of sexual enjoyment than non-Christians
  6. Conclusion: tips
    1. Leave technology out of the bedroom—don't enshrine technology to the detriment of your marriage and spouse
    2. Go to bed at the same time—couples who don't have a less satisfying intimate relationship
    3. Give a blessing to your spouse—let the last words they hear before they fall asleep be words of praise, prayer, or thanksgiving
 Figures referenced: James PetersonCross references: Genesis 1:27-28; Ruth 1:16-17; 2 Chronicles 5:7; Ecclesiastes 9:9; Song of Solomon 4:15; 5:10-16; 7:1-9; Hebrews 13:4-5Greek words: koitéHebrew words: samach

Topic: intimacy

Keywords: bonding, commitment, husband, marriage, relationship, sex, spouse, wife

The Master Bedroom: Components of Marital Intimacy - Proverbs 5:15-21 |
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