SERIES: Smart Home
MESSAGE: Divorce: When the Dream Is Shattered
SPEAKER: Skip Heitzig
SCRIPTURE: Matthew 19:3-9

MESSAGE SUMMARY
Not every smart home stays intact. Infidelity, as well as other factors, can shatter the dream of happily ever after. To be honest, this message today will not be an easy one to deliver nor will it be easy to hear. Jesus must have shocked His audience by His answers here to their questions. But my heart goes out especially to those in our flock who have been hurt by these things, and my prayer is that healing will come your way.

STUDY GUIDE
Connect Recap Notes: December 9, 2018
Speaker: Skip Heitzig
Teaching: "Divorce: When the Dream is Shattered"
Text: Matthew 19:3-9

Path:

Not every smart home stays intact. Infidelity, as well as other factors, can shatter the dream of happily ever after. To be honest, this message today will not be an easy one to deliver nor will it be easy to hear. Jesus must have shocked His audience by His answers here to their questions. But my heart goes out especially to those in our flock who have been hurt by these things, and my prayer is that healing will come your way.

  1. Divorce Is a Practical Issue (v. 3)
  2. Divorce Is a Biblical Issue (vv. 4-6)
  3. Divorce Is a Controversial Issue (v. 7)
  4. Divorce Is a Moral Issue (vv. 8-9)
Points

Divorce Is a Practical IssueDivorce Is a Biblical Issue Divorce Is a Controversial Issue Divorce Is a Moral Issue Practice

Connect Up: Why is it important to go to God when trying to understand practical, moral and controversial issues (as Jesus did in the text), and not to culture or human law? Why is it important to recognize that there is a law higher than human law? How does having a higher law affect how we live in the world in terms of justice, morals, law, etc.?

Connect In: If you were to counsel a Christian couple contemplating divorce, how would you proceed to share with them in a loving way while keeping truth intact? How would you communicate both the truth of Jesus' teaching and the biblical mandate against divorce?

Connect Out: If you are a child of divorced parents, share your experience (if you are comfortable). What did you learn from the process? If you know someone who has been through a divorce, how did the people involved change? What were the effects?

How would you reach out to a non-Christian couple considering divorce? Here are some considerations:
Pray. Pray for the couple.
Answers. Help them find answers to the issues leading them to divorce. Remember the greatest need for a non-Christian is to receive Christ. Share the gospel, but don't beat them with the Bible. Be a listening friend.
Institute. Help institute a plan for recovery. Point the couple to wise counsel, advice, and a godly influence.
Need. Express the need for them work it out. Divorce is not a remedy, it's the result of something that went awry in the marriage. If children are involved, address how kids need two parents working in harmony and love.


1 Kasey J. Eickmeyer, "Generation X and Millenials Attitudes Toward Marriage and Divorce," 2015, https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/eickmeyer-gen-x-millennials-fp-15-12.html, accessed 12/10/18.

DETAILED NOTES
"Divorce: When the Dream Is Shattered"
Matthew 19:3-9

  1. Introduction
    1. Marriage begins as an ideal that can soon turn into an ordeal, and that's when people start to look for a new deal—divorce is in their sights
    2. Broken homes produce broken lives that produce broken homes
      1. Millennials are waiting much longer than previous generations to get married while enjoying the fringe benefits of the marriage relationship without any commitment
      2. Two out of five people in Generation X and the millennial generation said that marriages have failed for most of the people they know
    3. Matthew 19 is the conversation between Jesus and the religious leaders of Israel about the issue of divorce
      1. The religious leaders intended to use a controversial issue to discredit Jesus
      2. Jesus gave them a direct answer without skirting the controversial nature of the question itself
  2. Divorce Is a Practical Issue (v. 3)
    1. The religious leaders brought up this question because divorce was a common issue in Israel
      1. The Pharisees were hoping to trap Jesus with this question in order to discredit Him in the eyes of the people
      2. Divorce was a topic of heated debate among the Jews
    2. Theoretically, there was no nation on earth that had a higher standard of the covenant of marriage than the nation of Israel; in reality, women of that day and age had no legal rights and could never divorce their husbands
      1. Marriage was regarded as a sacred duty
      2. There was a saying that the only reason for a man to be exempt from this duty was to devote his entire life to the study of Torah
      3. If a man refused to marry and have children, it was said that he was breaking the positive commandment to fill the earth and that he had slain his posterity
    3. There were many positive sayings concerning marriage
      1. Unchastity causes the glory of God to depart
      2. Every Jew must surrender his life rather than commit idolatry, murder, or adultery
      3. The very altar itself sheds tears when a man divorces the wife of his youth
    4. The basis for this question was pulled from Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which is the only passage in the Old Testament that refers to divorce
    5. There were two opposing viewpoints as to what this passage meant
      1. One was more conservative, perpetuated by Rabbi Shammai, who interpreted the clause in Deuteronomy to mean only adultery
      2. The more liberal view was adopted by Rabbi Hillel
        1. Hillel defined uncleanness in the widest possible way
        2. Rabbi Akiva later widened this view even further, saying that if a man found another woman more attractive than his wife, he could divorce his wife and marry the other woman
      3. By the time of Jesus, there was rampant no-fault divorce taking place
  3. Divorce Is a Biblical Issue (vv. 4-6)
    1. Jesus' answer took them back to the beginning of marriage
      1. He answered indirectly, with a question: "Have you not read?" (v. 4)
        1. Genesis 1:27
        2. Genesis 2:24
      2. Jesus expects you to know your Bible
        1. How can you ever obey God if you don't know what God said?
        2. How are you ever going to know what God wants if you never read what God wants?
    2. The Pharisees wanted to talk about divorce, but Jesus took them back to the beginning
      1. If you want to understand the issues within something, you need to understand the concept itself first
      2. Jesus affirmed four important aspects of marriage
        1. Marriage was God's idea
        2. Marriage is between a man and woman
          1. Blurring the lines between genders presents the biggest danger to marriage in our culture today
          2. God made man and woman—not one man and three women, just in case Eve didn't work out
        3. It was God's plan to create oneness through marriage
          1. This is the process of leaving, cleaving, and weaving
          2. "One flesh" (v. 6)
          3. It's impossible to divide one into two; it just becomes two halves
        4. Marriage was designed to be permanent
          1. God's intent was that marriage would be permanent and lifelong
          2. Divorce was not in God's original blueprint for marriage, though He permits it in limited circumstances
  4. Divorce Is a Controversial Issue (v. 7)
    1. The Pharisees' misconception can be seen at the heart of the question
      1. Did God ever, through Moses or anyone else, command anyone to divorce?
      2. They turned a divine concession into a divine command (divorce is a divine concession to human weakness)
    2. God hates divorce
      1. Malachi 2:16
      2. God hates divorce, but He loves divorced people
    3. A careful reading of Deuteronomy 24 reveals that it's not teaching about divorce or the certificate of divorce—those are incidental
      1. It concerns remarriage and focuses on protecting women
      2. What does the term uncleanness refer to?
        1. It cannot refer to adultery—the Old Testament punishment for adultery was not divorce, but death
        2. Whatever the uncleanness was, it did not warrant a divorce (see Deuteronomy 24:4)
      3. The text did not advocate divorce
        1. It was meant to protect the woman from her first husband
        2. The adultery was the fault of the first husband, who divorced her
  5. Divorce Is a Moral Issue (vv. 8-9)
    1. Jesus presented them with the correct interpretation
      1. Divorce always includes a hardening of the heart
      2. "Divorce tells us the truth about man. It tells us nothing about marriage" —Terence Kelshaw
    2. The exception clause
      1. The Greek word for "sexual immorality" (v. 9) is porneia
      2. The verb tense used here indicates a continual, unrepentant pattern of behavior—the only allowable reason for a Christian to initiate divorce
      3. Matthew 5:27-32
      4. What Jesus required with the exception clause was more than the religious leaders required, but not more than Moses required
  6. Conclusion
    1. To those struggling with the weight and pain of a divorce:
      1. God understands
      2. Let forgiveness rule the day—God specializes in forgiveness
    2. God speaks so strongly about divorce because He was divorced
      1. The people of Israel committed spiritual adultery over and over again
      2. Jeremiah 3:8
    3. Any divorced person you know needs all the love and encouragement you can give them
Figures referenced: Rabbi Akiva, Rabbi Hillel, Terence Kelshaw, Rabbi Shammai

Cross references: Genesis 1:27; 2:24; Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Jeremiah 3:8; Malachi 2:16; Matthew 5:27-32

Greek words: porneia

Topic: divorce

Keywords: adultery, biblical, controversial, forgiveness, husband, marriage, moral, pain, practical, wife


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