Genesis, Chapter 2. Today, beginning in verse 18, "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.' Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called every living creature, that was it's name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Let's pray.

And now, Our Father, we ask as we look at this passage, this first mention of a marriage ceremony, of bringing together of a man and a woman united in marriage, Lord I pray that you will change our thinking, if need be, on this subject. That we will not suffer from wrong-thinking, but will have biblical thinking. That we can look and see how you established a relationship and that it'll be run on Your principles. Lord, there are marriages that need rescuing and it is time that people who are going to enter into marriage understand the fundamental principles that you have laid out concerning this covenant. So Lord, we ask that your Holy Spirit would teach us, that You would take the written word and Your Holy Spirit will make it plain to our hearts. In Jesus name, Amen.

I remember the night I asked Lenya Farley to become my wife. I drove over, half-dazed, with every intention to do it, but it was scary. Knowing that I have never made a commitment like that and I, I knew that when I get married, it's going to be once, I got there and I was talking to her. It took me about an hour or an hour and a half to ask this question. I stalled as long as I could. I went around the block to get next door, verbally. I went off on every little tanchent- every little tangent, and I knew that she realized, "He's going to ask me to marry him." I was so dazed when I finally asked her to marry me, that I didn't even hear when she said yes. I just said, I just kind of stood there. And she went, "Yo. I said yes." I said, "You said yes?" "Yes, I said yes." And then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I jumped up out of my chair and I said, "Okay, now wait, wait, wait. Now, hold on. Now, I know I asked you to marry me and I still wanna do it, but I've gotta go to the restroom. I'm gonna get a glass of water. We're gonna come back and talk about this." Our relationship was interesting after that point. We went through some months after that of struggle, questioning, "Is this really the right thing?" Because we both knew that a covenant in marriage is something God not only honors, but it is permanent, as we see in this passage here. And we wanted to make sure it was what God wanted us to do. And I remember the feelings that I had inside up till the day of our wedding, which I had so many strange feelings that day. I was nervous like a groom is usually supposed to be. And I was in my tuxedo and my shoes were a size and a half too small; they gave me the wrong size. So my toes were just cramped inside and I was going, "Ugh." And I was shaking until I looked back and it was the time for the processional and I saw Lenya walk out down that aisle. I hadn't seen her up to that, on that day up to that point. And it just, it was so lovely. I still remember how I thought and I can recall her walking down, thinking, "Wow. This is great." And the guy who was marrying me, my friend, looked at me and gave me a big wink (light laughter). The passage that we read out of that morning, I recall almost word for word. It was Genesis 2, what we just read. This is a passage that I share at almost every wedding I do, and I average about one wedding per week throughout the year. A lot of weddings are exciting to me as I see couples brought together and I have the opportunity to release them to one another; it's one of the greatest joys that I can share with a couple. But I also have watched numerous divorces in my short career as a pastor. I have even, and it breaks my heart to watch people that have gone to our classes that I've married, lose the commitment.

I have got some letters here. And I think as you hear a couple these, you will agree the importance of a series like this based not only on the questions you've asked, but based on what's going around us as far as divorce rate and people that deciding they don't love each other anymore, "I don't love him like I used to." "She's not as attractive as she used to be. I don't have the same feelings anymore." This woman writes, "How does a woman cope with her mate, trying to pretend everything is okay around him, when everything is actually falling apart. My desire for intimacy is leaving. My desire for his conversation and fellowship is also leaving. A man then writes to me, "I do not want to go back to this woman," his wife. They've had some problems, "because I feel that we don't love each other anymore. I know that God doesn't believe in divorce but I feel like I don't want to live with this woman anymore because I don't want to make her miserable and I don't want her to make me miserable anymore." Would you agree that this is an important and necessary teaching, series, in lieu of questions like that? And feelings like that; there are hurting people. Every day the judges gavel drops hundreds of times and says, "Divorce granted." And people are torn apart.

In a recent poll, in a family-oriented magazine, of the population that was examined, seventy-one percent of the people that took this poll said they believed that the home and family life in America was in great trouble. How many would agree with that? Anyone here? Huh, more than seventy-one. The family life in America is in trouble. Another poll was taken among married people. Seventy-five percent, three quarters of the married couples, felt that their marriages were a failure and their home was unhappy. Another poll taken of young married couples, just between the ages of twenty and thirty-five years of age. The results of this poll were that six out of a hundred felt they had satisfying, fulfilling marriages. One-sixteenth. Six out of a hundred felt like they had satisfying marriages. Now, in Genesis 2, we get back to the beginning; God's model home, the first marriage that God established. It is the first mention of this kind of a relationship in the Bible. If you've studied math or science, you always begin with a premise. You must make sure that you have the right premise. Because unless you haven't and start out with the right premise, you'll never solve the problem and get the right answer. You can't just jump into it and start pulling things out of the hat. You've got to start with the right premise. Genesis 2 is the premise for relationship. It happened in the beginning and it's important that we get back to it. The marriage ceremony and the relationship from the beginning. Now I've heard people say, "Well, what makes signing a piece of paper such a big deal? Why is that so official? And standing in front of a preacher or in a church. I mean, can't we just go out in the woods under a pine tree with the birds in the air and look at each other in the eyes and says vows to one another before God? Isn't that good enough?" No, it's not good enough. As we see in this chapter, marriage was not only a public ceremony before witnesses of leaving and cleaving, but it is a meshing together process with certain godly ingredients. And so we want to examine that this morning.

First of all, in verse 18, we notice that marriage was God's idea. "The Lord said, 'It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him.'" Man did not invent this idea of marriage. Throughout history, a lightbulb didn't go on inside the mind of man and he said, "I got a good idea. Let's have a relationship and we'll sign a piece of paper and we'll make a covenant and we'll make this permanent and it's a convenient way to have children. Or it's a great tax break." Man did not invent it, God did. God instituted it and there are rules and there are regulations whereby that covenant works and it works well. If man were have, were to have invented marriage, then man could regulate marriage and could set it aside if he wanted to, if it were his invention. Since it is God's invention, man neither has the right nor the competence to regulate a divinely instituted relationship. That is, even the state, although the state may say, "Oh yes, that's a good reason to get divorced. Mutual incompatibility. And we will regulate marriage based on that." The state has, doesn't even have the rights nor the competence to regulate a God-given institution. It must rest upon the Word of God. Since He invented it, He's got rules to make it work. It's always good, when something doesn't work, to read the directions. Have you ever put something together or tried to operate a machine and you think, "This dumb thing doesn't work." It's because you haven't been reading the directions. And all of a sudden you read the directions and, "Oh, I gotta turn this little screw and this little switch, it works great." We have an instruction book in front of us, from Genesis to Revelation, that mentions marriage. And God has a lot to say about it. It is the foundational unit of society. Before there was any business, before there was any church, even, God established marriage. It's the foundational unit of society.

I am aware of the fact that, as we teach on marriage and divorce and remarriage, that many of you will disagree with biblical principles. I'm ready for that and, that's your prerogative. But you must recognize that you are merely a creature of the Creator. God invented it, He said some things about it. You may disagree, but you will suffer the consequences, not God. I have watched people look at what the Bible says and say, "I know it says that, but I'm gonna do this." As if they know better. And they're the ones that get hurt.

I'd like you to look at Chapter 1. Verse 26. And this should seem obvious but I want to point it out before we jump right into our outline. "God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.'" From the beginning marriage was exclusive. God created different people, male and female. Not male and male, or female and female. He created them, male and female. And it says, "For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife." It was always male and female. That's the exclusive privilege of God. I am so grateful for the differences that exist between male and female, the different, uh, form and basis of thinking, the different ways of feeling, and the different perspectives. Life would be so boring, wouldn't it, men, if it was all male? "(In a low voice) Amen." Or if there was just one, unisex creature that was sort of neutral. Life would be awfully colorless. This adds excitement. God began with male and female from the beginning. And, we come to verse 18 where God said it is not good that man should be alone. Now I want you to compare something. Chapter 1, verse 12, "And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good." Verse 16, "God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also. 17 God set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth, 18 and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good." Verse 21, "So God created every," or excuse me, "great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good." Verse 31, "God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good." But we come to Chapter 2, verse 18, and the Lord said, "It is not good that man should be alone." Marriage was designed to solve a fundamental human problem and that of, is aloneness. Loneliness. It is not good that man should be alone. Keep in mind, Adam had, ha, Adam had stuff people dream about having. He had a perfect environment, ecologically perfect. All kinds of trees, no smog, no traffic, no mortgages, no taxes. Hassle-free environment. Just beautiful mountain, rocky mountain high. Plus, he had a great job. He got to observe animals all day and give 'em names. That's a great life. Plus, he had fellowship with his Creator. He was with God, he wasn't alone in that sense. He knew God and he fellowshipped with God. But, "It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper that is suitable, or comparable to him."

So, first of all, we see that there was a problem and God wanted to solve it. And He designed marriage to take away a fundamental problem of loneliness. That was God's design. It always does not happen. Many times there are people in marriages that are still alone. You heard the very first week that we gave this series, the very first study on loneliness, most of the loneliness were from married people. And as we've said before, the loneliest person last night in your zip code was probably not single, but was probably a married person, sitting at the edge of his or her bed, saying, "Oh God, will it ever get better." But God's first intention was to dispel loneliness. It is not good that man should be alone. Keep in mind this is a rule, this is the norm. there are exceptions to this rule. Cause the single person says, "Well, what about being single?" Well, let's balance this out with what we taught a couple weeks ago about singleness. The norm is it's not good for man to be alone. The exception is that God gifts certain single people to stay single and to devote their lives more intently to the work of God, and we shouldn't look down on them, we shouldn't set them aside, married people. Instead, we should honor them, put them in a place of esteem. Not that we pin medals on him and said, "Oh he this greater, you know, and bachelor till the rapture president (light laughter)." But simply that we see that they have a gift from God and Paul said it is good, Jesus said it is good, but the norm is that it is not good for man to be alone.

Before we move on, let this truth sink in your mind that God cares about aloneness. God was concerned that Adam didn't have a mate. God is concerned if you don't have a mate. If you want a mate, God cares about that. I bring that up because I hear people say, "Oh there's no Christian guys that want to date me. I guess I'll have to go get one out in the world." Or, "Yeah, well there's no really Christian girls that I wanna hang out with in the church. They're all the real cool ones are out in the world." That slaps God in the face. God cares and God will provide. But Father knows best and it should be in His timing. It is not good that you be alone, perhaps, let God provide a helper for you. Look at God's solution, "I will make..." He's taking the initiation, the initiative. "I will make a helper that is comparable to him."

A helper. Now I admit, that word does not sound romantic. "Here's my little helper." "Yes, I will have you to be my lawfully wedded cook (light laughter) to wash and to fold from this day forward (laughter) till death do you part." It makes it sound like the woman is a part of just the work team around the house. And that might be our concept of helper, but it's not the biblical word "helper". Let me give you some other translations. "I will make a helper that will correspond to him." Another translation, "I will make a helper, his counterpart," that is, his other half, not his better half, his other half. I don't like that. "Well this is my better half." No, this is my other half, the counterpart. Another translation, "To help to be a companion." Now we're getting close to the meaning. A helper that is suited to him, a mate of his own kind. And I like this translation, the Berkeley translation, "I will make a suitable helper, completing him." Another one says, "I will provide a partner for him." Helper does not mean someone who's subordinate. It means a companion. It means someone that will complete or be a counterpart to the other person. God says, "I will make that person, I'm going to provide that." Now in the ancient times, you know women, you can thank the the Lord that you are born in the eighties, for the reason that women are, even in society, held on a higher esteem than they used to be. Now, in the Lord, they should be held in the right esteem, a counterpart of a man. But in the ancient times, it was tough. The Greeks used to have a saying. They said, "Every man should have at least three women: a mistress for a companion, companionship, a concubine for his sexual release and please, and a wife to bear his legitimate children." God's place of a wife is that of a counterpart. "I will make a helper, a companion that is comparable, or suitable for him." Or better yet, that will help Adam reach complete and total fulfillment. That's the idea. God provides a woman to help a man reach a complete fulfillment because God knew that he can't reach it any other way except a counterpart. And God provides a man for a woman to be her counterpart to help her reach complete fulfillment. The word, by the way, "comparable" is used in other places in the Old Testament, translated "rescue". Now I kind of like that. "I will make a helper to rescue Adam from his aloneness. That's the way it was in my marriage. "It's not good that Skip should be alone. I'm gonna provide Lenya to rescue him from his aloneness. To help him reach complete and total fulfillment." So, God brings people together to balance them, to complete each other, to help that other person become a larger person. I don't mean, here (points to body), although that happens after marriage sometimes, too. We get well-fed, we become a larger person. But in the emotional, spiritual sense, we get new horizons, new balance in our lives. My wife has been able to pull off what no one has been able to. She's been able to tame me and add balance to my life in areas my mom couldn't even or wouldn't even try. In areas of just perceiving things, of being sensitive to things. Has really balanced my outlook out. And even in day-to-day things. Man, the way I used to dress until my, I went and met my wife, what I used to consider dress-up, in fact I used to preach Sunday mornings dressed up, was blue corduroys, tennis shoes, a Hawaiian shirt and a velour sweater that didn't match over that shirt. I thought that was real dressy, I thought that was real spiffy. My wife had a job, she completed me.

To the degree that you do not meet the needs of your spouse, intellectually, spiritually, physically, emotionally, is the same degree that your spouse is lonely, alone, and not fulfilling God's intention. And to the degree that your mate is not meeting your needs spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually. You are alone and not fulfilling God's intention. I received a note just, I think, last week. It's anonymous. "Dear Skip, my husband did as you suggested." Hug the person next to you, that's what I said. "We sleep in the same bed and until that hug this morning, we had had no physical contact in three months." It is not good that man should be alone, especially in a marriage.

Let's go on and look at the first wedding ceremony in verse 19, "Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called every living creature, that was it's name. So Adam gave names to all cattle," great job. How did he think of those names? "Well, that looks like a parrot. Par-rot I'll call it." How did he come up with them? I don't know. "So Adam gave names to all the cattle, birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper that could rescue him, that could bring complete fulfillment. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: 'This is bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.'" I love the old proverb that says, "Woman was not taken from man's head to be above him. Nor was woman taken from man's feet to be stepped on and walked on by him. But she was taken from his side to be close to his heart, to be protected by him, to be his companion all their lives." God brought the woman to the man. You know, in this first wedding, God is acting sort of as a combined wedding coordinator, combined Father giving away the bride. He sets up the whole thing, He takes the initiative, He gives the bride away to Adam. And Adam's response is, "This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh," which, by the way, seems like a kind of a strange response, right? In Hebrew, it's a es, an expression of excitement. The Living Bible translates it this way. "When God brought the woman to Adam, Adam said, 'This is it.'" He recognized this is the one. To say bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, he is saying, "This is the one. Where have you been all my life? This is the one that God is going to use to complete me, my counterpart. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bones." She shall be called isha, woman. The root word means to be soft and to be tender. Quite a contrast, probably, from Adam. And he was excited. It was a, an expression of joy and excitement. I did a wedding a couple weeks ago, I loved it. Uh, I always tell the congregation when I do a wedding that I have the best view in the house, cause I have the bride and groom right next to me, exchanging that magic electricity between their eyes, watching them sweat, watching them tear up. And during the time of the processional and everybody stood up and everybody turns around to watch the bride coming down and the eyes are focused on the bride and her dress is gleaming, I looked at the groom. He was just going, "(Deep breath) Wow (light laughter)." It was good. This was an Adam-like response. This is right on, this is it (laughter). Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bones. He was excited. That's the Hebrew rendering here. It brought him joy. I love it. God took the initiative. And verse 18, "I will make him a helper." In verse 22, "He made into a woman and brought her to the man." God took personal care in making or literally building up a woman that was perfectly suitable for Adam. Our marriages would take a beautiful turn if we would recognize that the mate that we have is given to us by God. When you walk after the Lord and you wait on the Lord and God gives you a mate, you need to know that God brought that woman to you. And God brought that man to you. And one of the neatest things you can do, folks, is remember your wedding day. Men, remember and replay the tape inside your mind. When you were up there and you looked back and you saw that woman coming down the aisle and you thought, "She's the one. This is it." And it was an exciting time. Replay that memory tape. God brought you guys together. Even if you have different backgrounds and there's tension now, and "she likes to do things this way and I like to do things the right way (laughter)." As you have different background and different interests, those things are there. They create spice in life. Sometimes it's hot spice, but nonetheless it's balance for us. God brought you two together.

You know there's some bachelor jokes that kind of circulate, heh, that are contrary to this. Adam was joyful at the time of his wedding. It was exciting to him. Contrary to all those jokes that say, "Well, this is your last day of freedom. Another one bites the dust." It was joyful for him to be fulfilled in this way. You know last day of freedom. You come up and you get married, that is freedom if God called you to be married. It releases you to a whole new dimension. Such discontentment. Single people wanna be married. Married people wanna be single. Adam said, "Right on God. This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman for she was taken out of Man."

Now, I wanna dwell, as we close, on the next couple verses. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed." This is God's marriage council to Adam and Eve. It is the most concise yet complete marriage counseling I have ever heard. And there's some principles here, there's three principles that I put in your outline concerning marriage that we derive from this little counseling session.

Number one, marriage must begin with the leaving of other relationships so that the new one can solidify. Leaving and being joined. Leaving and cleaving. Leaving father and mother. Separating relationships to join a new one. The first step is leaving. The second one is cleaving. The relationship mentioned here is father and mother, which is really kind of interesting because Adam had no father and mother. But it was an eternal principle God was laying down. The principle is that you cut the cord of dependence. Being brought up with mom and dad, they gave you money, they gave you security, they provided for you. There comes a time at the marriage where you sever that dependence and you depend upon your husband and wife. Not that you reject your parents. You say, "Now that I'm married dad, I can't talk to you. You're not my friend anymore, just go away." No, it doesn't mean that at all. There's always that relationship. But the cord of dependence must be cut. Now, this, which is the most important relationship outside of marriage, with mom and dad, if that has to be cut, it means that of necessity, other less important ties must also be broken. You must re-prioritize things like your business, your career, your hobbies, your friends, all around that central new relationship, your wife, your husband. Leaving and then cleaving. I always ask a young couple when they want to get married, I say, "What do your parents think? Tell me your parents reaction to you being married." Most of the time it's, "Oh, it's great." Sometimes they say, "Oh man they hate him. They think he's a creep. But I love him and that's okay." And that is okay, however, if your first fight, you run home to mom and dad, she's gonna say, "I told you not to marry that creep." "Yeah, you were right." And it can strain the marriage. Also, too much involvement can strain a marriage. I advise parents the best gift you can give your kids on their wedding day is to release them. Release them. And verbalize that. Lenya's dad is such a great person. The first year of marriage, we would call up and talk to him and Lenya would talk to him on the phone and she'd say, he'd say, "Well, honey, I advise this, but Skip's your husband now. You go talk to him about this. If he thinks this is off the wall, then you forget it. You listen to him." And he verbally released her constantly. Leaving father and mother.

Also, just in case I'm speaking to any ministers here, or on the radio to any ministers, if you are a minister, called to serve God full time, you must prioritize your church service, not number one. If you are a minister and you're married and you got kids, number one, you are a Christian man before the Lord. That's the relationship that's most important, even above marriage. Secondly, you are a Christian husband. Thirdly, you are a Christian parent, a father. And fourthly, and that list never changes, you're a minister and the church comes. But only in that order. The priority of God, and then the wife and then the child must come first, it must be uppermost.

Some of you need to cut ties with things like the television, the hobbies, the friends. I know some people that would never break the ties with their fishing and hunting buddies, but they would sacrifice the tie with their wife. Now I'm gonna dare to say something. This also means that the tie and the relationship between parent and child must never supersede the relationship of husband and wife. And it happens quite often. The new child comes into the house and that dad is just always comes home and it's just the child. And the wife's there just beat up all day long, you know, just been hanging out with the kids, and, "Hi" (light laughter). "Hi honey, see you later, I'm taking my kid. (Vroom)." Or she might prioritize that child above her husband, thinking, "Oh, that's good." No, it's not, because when that child grows up, he's gonna grow up to a broken home. That love relationship in marriage must come before that child comes. It must always be there, but it must be in proper balance.

Next, not only leave but cleave or be joined. Second principle on your outline, marriage requires a gluing together that continues as a process all through life. That's what this word means. A man shall sever his dependence and then be glued, be "bound permanently" is what the word means, be cemented. A man must cling to his wife, like cement. It's a permanent relationship where you take super glue and bind two people together. Have you ever taken super glue and accidentally got it on your fingers, and accidentally put your fingers together? And you try to move them apart and they don't do it and you rip the flesh. When God glues two people together, you can never remove them without extensive damage to both, because it's never two people breaking up. It's always one flesh fracturing in pieces. Because God brings them together as a permanent bond. They will leave and they will cleave, or be glued tightly together. Unfortunately, many people enter marriage with sort of an out. "You know just in case it doesn't work, I heard there were other alternatives." And the vows that are said at the altar are said just as a formality. "(Slurred and quick) Till death do us part, Amen. Have and to hold from this day forward, richer for poorer. Okay I said it, let's go." (Light laughter) God listens to those vows. God listens to them. It is a gluing process, it is a permanent process. I have friends in California, acquaintances, who got married and he decided to write up a marriage contract and have her sign it. "You agree to these things? Then you sign it." And she agreed to certain things and she made him write out a little contract, "I will do this as long as you do this." That's basically what the contract said. "But as long as you don't do this, then I'm not gonna have to do that either." This marriage lasted four months, ended in divorce. They left an out for themselves. Divorce was in their vocabulary and they took that out. It wasn't a permanent, gluing together. I like what Henry Ford, old Henry Ford and the days of the Model T, when that was his only car. Someone came up to him and said, "Uh, Mr. Ford, can you tell us the formula that makes for a successful marriage?" since he had been married all of his life and he was old. And Henry Ford said, "Well, it's the same formula in making a great, successful car. You just stick to one model (light laughter)." Recall those vows that you said to one another. Part of the vows that I give at a wedding, they're in groups of actually three. The first vow is I say, "Will you take her to be your lawfully wedding, God-given wife in this covenant of marriage? Will you love her, or him? Will you honor her and, forsaking all others, live only unto him as long as you both shall live?" And I love it when they wait a minute, think about it, and they affirm, "I will." It's permanent. Becoming one flesh, leaving and cleaving. This is a process. When you get married, it begins it, but it doesn't end it. Don't get the idea that once your married, this mystical bond happens and you don't have to cultivate this cleaving and cultivate this becoming one flesh; it is a process. It's a meshing together and a couple must consciously do things that will form ties to bring a solid foundation. When they built the stage this week, as they wielded it together, it's done in different pieces. We have braces in the back and they put individual pieces of metal and it was just all little pieces. It was totally unstable. But they made certain ties and weldings at different spots to make it solid. You walk on this thing now, it's permanent. This is not gonna move. We're not going to decide we want to move it to this side of the building cause it's not gonna just, it's permanent. Something that started out flimsy, came together and ties have been formed and it's solid now. And a marriage relationship must be constantly growing and the couple must be making ties of cleaving. And you can test your actions and your attitudes by this. You can say, "Will, this action, or will this attitude bring us together in marriage or will it drive us apart? Will it be a wedge? Is this disagreement really worth it? Is it gonna bind us? Is it gonna form a deeper tie? Is it gonna build up our marriage or tear it down?"

Finally, verse 25, "And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Third principle: marriage brings oneness and intimacy when surrounded with commitment. So far, here's the principles. Sever other relationships, re-prioritize those relationships, and commit and cleave to your wife and your husband making them, next to God, the most important relationship of everything else. You glue permanently together. With commitment you approached the relationship. What's the result? Verse 25, intimacy. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." This means more than just physical union, although it denotes that. It speaks about an openness, a a freedom to share. You're secure in his love. You're certain that he won't reject you because of the way you look, or because of something you might think or feel. You are secure enough in his love and you're secure enough in her love that you can be open. There's no hidden areas, no embarrassments, no fears. There's a beautiful oneness and intimacy because there's commitment there. You find out that this relationship continues this way till the next chapter. Heh. Let's just read it. Verse 9, "Then the Lord God called to Adam, He said, 'Where are you?' So he said, 'Well, I heard Your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.' And He said, 'Who told you that you were naked?'" It was not till sin entered their lives that the man and woman became afraid, they became self-conscious, instead of focusing on the other with intimacy. They became self-conscious and they sought to cover it up. Why do marriage struggle? Why do husbands and wives have tough time relating? Why is there a lack of intimacy and oneness and openness and vulnerability? Because the God-given pattern in this chapter are absent many times. There is something that weaves all of this together. It's that one word, commitment, and I, I, it's a dirty word in this society. In a permissive society, commitment is not liked by many people. But it's a thing, it's a cord that bound them together. But most people today would rather run than stick with it and make it work as long as they can. Do you remember the vows, husbands and wives, that we said to our spouses on that day? Things like, "For better or for worse." Not, "for best or for better." "For richer and for poorer, to love and to cherish till death," not dept, "do us part." Till death do us part.
I wanna close with a letter. This is a letter from a man to his wife before they were married. The most amazing thing about this letter is that it was real. A real person wrote it. I've never read such maturity of a premarital couple. One of the most beautiful ways to say, "I love you," from a man to his fiancee. Listen up.

I want you to understand and be fully aware of my feelings concerning the marriage covenant which we are about to enter. (By the way, this is Jame Dobson's mom and dad. His dad writing to his mom before they were married). I have been taught at my mother's knee, and in harmony with the Word of God, that the marriage vows are inviolable, and by entering into them, I am binding myself absolutely and for life. The idea of estrangement from you through divorce for any reason at all, although God allows one—infidelity, will never at any time be permitted to enter into my thinking. I'm not naive in this. On the contrary, I'm fully aware of the possibility, unlikely as it now appears, that mutual incompatibility or other unforeseen circumstances, could result in extreme mental suffering. If such becomes the case, I am resolved for my part to accept it as a consequence of the commitment I am now making, and to bear it, if necessary, to the end of our lives together.
I have loved you dearly as a sweetheart and will continue to love you as my wife. But over and above that, I love you with a Christian love that demands that I never react in any way toward you that would jeopardize our prospects of entering heaven, which is the supreme objective of both our lives. And I pray that God Himself will make our affection for one another perfect and eternal.

That's premarital couple. It's maturity. It's Biblical. And I would even venture to say that God says, "That's normal. That's the way it should be." As we read in this passage, the reason for marriage was that companionship to bring each other to complete fulfillment. Let's pray.

Father as we end this study, it is a beginning for the next several weeks on relationships and marriage and roles of husbands and wives. Roles of believing husbands with unbelieving wives and so on. Lord, as this foundation is laid, rearrange our thinking and our hearts so that commitment, that long-forgotten word, that ingredient that glues people together, would not be a missing part of our relationship. Lord, it begins with the relationship with You. You can make it work. Father we come before You and ask that there would be a, a healing of relationships in this body. I realize that a study like this could be too late for some, but I pray for those who are looking forward to a marriage relationship. That they'll build it upon this solid foundation. In Jesus name, Amen.