Skip HeitzigSkip Heitzig

Skip's Teachings > Complete Relationship Series > When the Yoke Doesn't Fit

Message:

SHORT URL: http://SkipHeitzig.com/1802 Copy to Clipboard
SAVE: MP3
BUY: Buy CD

When the Yoke Doesn't Fit - Matthew 5

Taught on | Topic: The Christian Home
Date Title   ListenNotes Share SaveBuy
3/19/1987
completed
resume  
When the Yoke Doesn't Fit
Matthew 5
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
Complete Relationship Series

This in-depth nine-message series covers the subjects of singleness, dating, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Skip Heitzig lays out sound biblical principles to help you develop good, healthy relationships.

FREE - Download Entire Series (MP3) (Help) | Buy audiobook

Transcript

Open as Word Doc Open as Word Doc    Copy Copy to Clipboard    Print icon    Show expand

Scripture says to be not unequally yoked together with another believer. That is, not be mismated. It's strictly prohibiting consciously marrying someone who is not saved. But the question remains, "Okay, I know that, but what if I'm in that situation. Now what do I do? I know what it says, but now I'm in the situation where I have an unsaved husband or I have an unsaved wife. How to I pick up and go on?" And that's reflected in some of these letters that I have gotten as questions from you. This lady says, "I am saved, my husband is not. And we are separated because I'm saved. Divorce, it is a sin? When I talk to the Lord about it, I am so dull of hearing, I can't hear what He has to say. I really want to but I can't seem to." Another lady says, "How do I as a woman deal with a spouse who is not interested in God, Christianity or church anymore." Obviously here's a marriage, and now he has maybe backslidden, he's fallen away, he's walked away from God, and he doesn't share the interest. "How do I handle life without God and the Christian faith?" There's a lot of reasons, folks, why a person can have an unequal yoke, or a yoke that doesn't fit in a marriage. Number one, they could've both been unbelievers and one was converted. Maybe she or he came to know Jesus Christ, and that has caused a friction in the marriage. In fact, it might be worse now that you are a Christian than it was before. Because you have a spiritual tension there that wasn't there before. You don't share things in common like you did at one time. You sense that it's different and it's straining your relationship. It could be, like the letter we read, both of you serving the Lord. One decides to go the way of the world, doesn't care about God anymore, doesn't care about the Christian faith anymore, leaving you holding the spiritual bag. Or, one of the spouse, one of the mates could've deliberately dated an unbeliever and then deliberately married an unbeliever, and then that person is reaping what he or she has sown, meeting out the consequences of disobedience to God. Or, perhaps she really thought he was a Christian. He said the right words, he spoke Christian-ese, he played the game, he went to church. He was doing all those things so that she would marry him, and now she finds out the truth. Or, perhaps what she was looking for were positive personality traits rather than godly attributes. She was looking for just the right person who was doing this and thought this and was considerate and nice and she thought, "You you, he's not Hindu, Buddhist or Jewish, he's gotta be a Christian." Thus the marriage. And now that person feels lonely, in fact lonelier when she's with her unsaved husband then when she is not, because, as you all know, when you become a Christian, you develop close relationships with believers. Have you noticed that, oftentimes, people in your own family aren't even as close to you as people in the body of Christ? Man, when I first got saved, I thought, "I'm closer to these people than my own flesh, brothers and sisters, or my mom and dad." Okay, put that into a marriage setting, where he's not saved, she is, she goes to church and has this close, intimate, spiritual, vulnerable, giving, receiving relationship. Add on top of all of that, perse- persecution. Persecution from her husband, who thinks she's a mental case because she's a religious fanatic. Persecution maybe from her own church, who says, "You know, if you were living right, this guy'd be saved by now." Persecution from her family and friends who ask, "What kind of a faith is it that would divide families like this?" Persecution maybe from her own children who think mom's out to lunch. So she's an alien in her own home. Add on top of all of that the temptation that that believing spouse receives. You say, "Temptation? Like what?" Like this.

Connie was a young Christian wife who faced this pressure. And as often happens, someone saw her dilemma and responded. It began simply enough because they were both always alone at church functions. He would often fill that vacant fourth chair at the table and so they became good friends. Then they began sharing their problems of being alone in a non-Christian world. A cup of coffee, lunch, automatically sitting together in church, soon became their normal relationship. Their hands touched as they shared a hymnal, and a spark of emotion grew into a small flame. It wasn't long before Connie began to wonder if maybe she should leave her husband and marry a Christian. It just seemed that all of her problems would then be solved. Life would be a blissful bubble of praying together, attending church together, reading the scriptures together, absolute perfection. With perfection as her goal, Connie began picking apart her own marriage. Small differences with her husband became large barriers. They quarreled often, and she determined more than ever to attain that blissful bubble of a Christian husband.

You know, up till recently, not a lot has been talked about as far as spiritual singleness, or one person being saved in a marriage and the other not. It hasn't been a topic of a lot of sermons, certainly not in a lot of writing, until recently. What is interested me, is in looking at all the books that have been written, ninety-five percent or better are written specifically to the wife, who is a Christian, who has an unsaved husband, rather than to the husband who is saved with an unsaved wife. Although that is the case often, it is more often the case of a wife who is spiritually single. In fact, the only instance where the principles for a relationship of a saved with an unsaved are really highlighted, in 1 Peter, which we're going to cover today, deals with a wife who is a Christian and husband who is not. I'm saying that for the reason that in this message, I'm going to refer, so I don't have to say "he" or "she", the husband or the wife, I don't have to go back and forth, I'm going to talk about a woman who is saved with a husband who is unsaved. And you in your mind, if you know the situation that is reversed, you can reverse it yourself. That way I don't have to go back and forth and do all that mumbo jumbo. It's important, this study, not only for those who are spiritually single, but for us who are not, so that we can reach out and understand them because a lot of the spiritually single people have suffered from the body of Christ's glib remarks. "Well, you know your marriage is no different than a Christian marriage, really." Bologna. If there was no difference between that marriage and a Christian marriage, the bible wouldn't speak so strongly against entering into a relationship like that. And we only serve to heap guilt upon those people who are in that relationship by making a statement as untrue and unbiblical as that. The other statement is that, "Well, you're not really married in God's eyes unless you're married to a Christian." Bologna. Marriage is marriage, whether you're married to an unbeliever or a believer, in God's eyes you are one flesh; you are together. That is a rule, basic rule of humanity, given in the second chapter of Genesis as we covered a couple weeks ago. Through some of the counseling I've done, I have discovered that there are incredible pressures in this kind of a home. But I also believe, as I have seen, it can be a good marriage. It may not be the best of a husband and a wife both loving and serving God together, but it can be a very good marriage. And that's what we wanna talk about today.

First of all, a couple pressures that I see. I know there's a lot of pressures in this kind of a family. But the pressure I see most of all is putting blame on the wrong person. First of all, a husband or a wife of a unsaved spouse tends to blame themselves. Now, look over in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 10. "To the married, I command, yet not I, but the Lord." Meaning, God already spoke about it before. "A wife is not to depart from her husband, but even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord," in other words this isn't an Old Testament commandment or spoken about by Jesus, this is a new revelation of God. "If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean," not saved, sanctified, set apart, given the opportunity, put under the influence. "But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" This is where the blame comes in. You know it's sort of human nature to blame everybody else but ourselves. It's easy for us to point out and find sin. Man, I can find a lot of things if I know that you're doing wrong. That's the way we operate. But I have a hunch, and if my hunch is correct, when it comes to this area of a saved and unsaved marriage together, that that believer tends to blame herself after a while. Thoughts like, "If only I were more loving, then he'd be a Christian. If only I were more submissive, I know he'd be a Christian. In fact, he'd probably be an evangelist by now. I'm sure he'd have a worldwide ministry. And so the world doesn't know about Christ because I'm not the perfect wife." And I've seen a lot of people heap blame upon themselves. It is possible that the blame does rest upon your shoulders if you have deliberately disobeyed God, knowing it was not a godly marriage, doing it anyway, you are simply, again, paying the consequences. But you are not responsible. It is not your fault that that person is not a Christian. That's a choice that that person makes. You can never force an unbeliever, your husband or not, to be a Christian. They have to make a choice. You can't say, "(In a thick accent) Ve have vays of making you believe." That person has to surrender his will to the Lord. There's still volition and choice, and you can't blame yourself. "Oh, if only I wouldnt've bought that blouse at Goldwater’s last week when he yelled at me for spending. Oh, if I only was a better housekeeper. If I really lived it, then I know he'd be a Christian, I know I wouldn't have these kind of problems." Linda Davis wrote a book and it deals with much of the same issues. If I can find it, I'm gonna read to you some of the things she was believing and feeling. She would go to conferences and hear people speak about being married to an unbeliever and her thoughts follow the statement of a person. Here's a statement: "If you ladies with unsaved husband would just be more sweet and loving, your husbands would get born-again in no time." And she's thinking, "That's easy for you to say, your husband's been a Christian since he was six years old." Another statement: "Well as soon as the Lord finishes working on you, then He will start working on your husband." And she thinks, "Well can't He work on both of us at the same time?" Or this one, "Why don't you try being a total woman?" "What am I now, half-man? (light laughter)" "Just pray longer." "Fifteen years isn't long enough?" "You need to just love your husband to the Lord." "Well, what do you think I'm doing, scrubbing the toiled with his toothbrush (light laughter)?" You see, these are her thoughts as she is living with an unsaved husband and hearing all of things that have helped her to put the blame on herself, when it's her husband that had to make that final choice, and finally he did make that choice. Your husband will never be able to judge on Judgement Day and say, "Well, Lord, it's not my fault. It's the wife You gave me." It didn't work with Adam in the garden, it won't work on Judgement Day. How many husbands have been converted because they had perfect wives? I'd like to know that statistic. Because they have perfect wives in every way, that's why they're a Christian. Nope, that's not it at all. Al, folks, there's a lot of people who are spiritually single who feel guilty when they come to church. They feel like there's failure stamped on their forehead, glowing in pink, neon lights. And they're afraid to sit with the rest because, "I've failed my husband or my wife isn't a Christian." And it's not their fault. The blame is put on the wrong person.

Or the blame is put on God. Second mistake. Another pressure. She prays week after week, month after month, year after year. Doesn't see anything happen. She finds scripture after scripture. She memorizes it, she analyzes it, she recites it, she finds it in fifty different versions and clings to it and claims it. She tries to be the model wife. When he grumps, she's nice. He promises to go to church. She's all excited, "Maybe this is it." And then he finds at the last minute a clever excuse why he can't make it. Or he does come and he's, arms are folded and he's bummed out because he feels like he's forced into it. And he gets more angry. And after a while, that believer starts getting angry with God. "What's wrong, God? I've been praying. Why don't you do something? You're powerful. Why the hesitation? She's been praying for her unsaved husband and he's a Christian. Why can't I have that? Why don't you listen? Are you too busy running the universe?" She starts, heh, not speaking to God. Not praying, not reading, not fellowshipping. She's angry. It's not God's fault. Turn with me to 2 Peter please, chapter 3. And if you are in a situation that you are saved and your spouse is not, let number 9, verse number 9 of Chapter 3 embed itself in your heart. "The Lord is not slack or slow concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but He is long-suffering, patient, toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." Understand this: God wants your spouse saved even more than you do. As much as you want that husband of yours or that wife of yours saved, God wants him saved much more. He died to prove that point. He suffered to the point of death. Now, your suffering, but you've never suffered to the extent of Jesus' suffering. He wants that spouse saved. Well whose fault is it then? The blame should be placed upon the thief. Jesus said the thief, Satan, has come to steal, to kill and to destroy. In Matthew 13, the thief, Satan, comes and snatches the word that's been sown on the topsoil. When somebody hears the word of God and doesn't understand it, then the wicked one comes and snatches it away. It says that Satan has blinded the minds of those who do not believe. The natural man doesn't understand the things of the Spirit. Yes, you need to continue to pray. You need to pray that the Holy Spirit will pry open that person's eyes. But you can't blame yourself and you can't blame God. There's free choice involved with that person. And Satan also is influencing that choice. Now, turn back another book to 1 Peter, Chapter 3, and we're gonna camp right here in that chapter and look at some principles for a partnership of a believer married to an unbeliever. It says in verse 1, "Likewise, you wives," now it says likewise because he's been speaking about mutual submission to authority and order in the church and relationships and suffering patiently and so forth, and it says in verse 1, "Now likewise, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands." Now you think, "Ha, that's easy if you give me the right kind of husband." Well, this was written to people of the wrong kind of husband. It says, "That that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your beauty, be the outward adorning, or arranging of the hair, or wearing gold, or of putting on apparel - let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord," now, all the men are going to underline that, calling him lord, "whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered."

Now this section that we've camped at deals with marriage in general, but especially to a wife who is married to an unsaved husband, or to a husband, like in the letter we read at the beginning, is not interested in God, or in church or in Christianity anymore. He may know the word, but he's not obeying it; he's not taking up spiritual leadership in the home. By the way, when I've counseled women who are married either to an unbeliever or even to a believer, the greatest desire that I have found is that their husband take leadership in the home, take initiative, especially spiritual initiative. It is a cry from their heart. But even if they do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. We see that actions speak louder than words. You know, the thing I like about Peter's theology, is it's not wordy and lofty and all these principles that you have to know inside your brain, it's worked out, practical theology. It's rubber meet the road. This is what you gotta do. These are the actions you must perform to see this thing happen, to see this marriage work.

First of all, it's the conduct. Now, again, you can reverse this. If you have a saved wife and you are, excuse me, if you have an unsaved wife and you, as a husband, are saved, it is your conduct as well. But the principle Peter applies here is to a saved wife with an unsaved husband. Look at verse 2, "When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." Notice observe. It means to pay careful, close attention. It means, he eyeballs you, he observes your conduct, he sees how you live it out, and that is a great witness to him. More than words, more than sermons, more than tracks, more than nudges. That, without a word, as they observe your chaste, which means pure, conduct, with fear, which means appreciation, reverence. You appreciate him, you love him, you honor him, you esteem him. But the word that really gets to us is the word, is the fifth word in verse one, "submissive." Whew. Do you know the feeling? I don't, I've just listened to the words of wives. A feeling of being caught between a rock and a hard place, wanting to submit to your husband, and he's doing all these off the wall things, and at the same time you want to submit to the Lord and keep Christian principles. And there have been people that teach that no matter what your husband does, you are submit to him no matter what. And she feels, but man, she's caught. "What do I do? Submissive?" And woe unto those wives whose unsaved husband know no scripture except this verse (light laughter). Because they'll quote it. They may not be interested in the Bible or believe in the bible or not obey one thing in the bible, but because you're a Christian, you should submit because the bible says so. And that's a tough one to live with. May I say that being submissive does not mean you become a door mat? We talked about that last week. It's not a dictator, door mat relationship. It's not, "Well, honey, let me just lie down so it's easier for you to walk all over me (light laughter)." Like Edith and Archie Bunker (light laughter). To be submissive, remember last week, means you relinquish your rights, you relinquish your rights. You may have a right to expect something or receive something. You relinquish your rights, you submit yourself to meeting the needs of the other person. It is a response to the will of God. You respond in obedience in obeying His voice. That's what the word really submissive has to do with. There is a popular teaching, as I said, or it has been, that a wife, if she trusts the Lord and she's married to an unsaved husband, if she really trusts the Lord, that God will not let him do anything out of his, out of God's will. Let me read a letter that was given to Dr. James Dobson:

Paul began to get interested in a beautiful divorcée (this is his wife writing) who works as his bookkeeper. At first it seemed innocent, and he helped her in various ways. But I began to notice our relationship was deteriorating. He always wanted this other woman along whenever we went anywhere, and he spent more and more time at her house. He said they were doing accounting work but I didn’t believe it. I began to nag and complain, and it just made him more determined to be with her. Gradually, they fell in love with each other, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I bought a book about this time in which the author promised if I obey my sinner husband, that God wouldn’t allow any wrong to happen so long as I was just submissive. Well, in my panic, I thought I'd lose him forever, and I agreed to let the other woman come into our bedroom with us. I thought it would make Paul love me more, but it just made him fall deeper in love with her. Now he is confused and doesn’t know which one of us he wants. He doesn’t want to lose me and says he still loves me and our three kids, but he can’t give her up, either. I love Paul so dearly and I have begged him to turn our problem over to the Lord. I love the other woman too and I know she is also hurting, but she doesn’t believe God will punish this sin. I have experienced terrible jealousy and pain, but I always put the needs of my husband and his friend [the lady friend] above my own. But what do I do now? Please help me. I’m on the bottom looking up.

Comes a time when submission to the Lord takes over and you say, "No, I won't go to the bars with you. No I'm not gonna get drunk with you. That's not pleasing to the Lord." You don't need to submit to sin, you submit to your husband, but the conflict comes when it conflicts with God's holy word. There's a time to say no. The crux of these two verses, verse one and two, you know what they're against? You know what it's speaking about? It's speaking about spiritual nagging. Not just about nagging; spiritual pushing him. "Please, please, please accept the Lord, would you please?" That cheapens the Gospel. The person pulls back from it. There's a time where you just give the Holy Spirit a lot of elbow room and you let your husband or your wife make the decision before the Lord. You can't force them. You don't have to put tracks in his sandwich (light laughter). You don't have to pin notes on his pillow or set the alarm to that Christian radio station at six in the morning and you hear that loud preacher saying, "Get saved!" And he goes, "Ah man, not at six in the morning." You don't have to give altar calls when you have meals, "And while our heads are bowed and eyes are closed, I wonder how many at this table would just wanna receive the Lord. Raise your hand. Amen, I see that hand (laughter)." There's a time just to let the Lord do it and we get in the way of it. Do you know how it is when a person feels like he's being forced into something? What's the natural human tendency when somebody's pushing you? It's to move back, it's to pull back. You start pulling, he'll start pulling back from you, pulling back from the Lord. And you can drive him right up a wall or out of the house. Now, doesn't mean you're constantly quiet and you never say a word about the Lord, but when he asks you, do it. But don't push him. Feel the situation. Because he can resist and he'll pull back altogether. When a husband or a wife feel trapped in a marriage relationship, what begins to happen is that that person who feels trapped begins to test his freedom. As he tests his freedom and goes out and spends more time away, your natural tendency is to grab tighter, to pursue him, to run after him. And he may feel like he's being chased by the Gospel; the God-squad is after him. He pulls back even more. When probably the best thing to do is give him that amount of freedom. He's making the choices anyway. You can't force his heart into a decision. When he feels like he's in neutral ground and he has the ability to decide without the pressure, without a word by the conduct of their wives, they could be won.

Have you ever been around a person who constantly, around he or she, talks? And be, you begin to tune out that person. Just, you're in ozone mode. And that person can say something real profound in the midst of all her talking or his talking. But you never listen to it cause you've, you're zoned out, you're tuned out. But have you ever been around a quiet person? When that quiet person says something, everyone automatically listens. Because it's different. They're like solitary gems in the midst of silence. Without a word they may be won by the conduct of their wives. When they observe, or closely look at your chaste or pure conduct, accompanied by appreciation and by respect.

Verse 3, "Do not let your beauty, be that of the outward adorning, of the arranging of the hair, or wearing gold, or putting on clothes," literally, "but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." Inward beauty. Now, a lot of preachers have had a lot of fun with this verse. They've ruined it. And this gives them the opportunity to hammer on, "No jewelry, no nice hairdo's, no ornamentation, cause if you do, that's carnal." Well if you take that thinking to it's extreme in this verse, it means, no clothes either (light laughter), and putting on dresses, or apparel. Peter is warning against going overboard, trying to win him just by being attractive. By smearing on another layer. By going overboard to do the outward when the inward is what is important, he says. It's a conduct, it's an inward beauty that is attractive as he watches the lifestyle. It's not talking about not being beautiful. I mean, you know, if the house needs painting, paint it (silence)(laughter). That goes for the husband, too. I do believe that a husband and wife should want to maintain an attractability and be attractive to their husband and he should be attractive to the wife. And it's not just to the wives. I mean, I know guys that need this too. I mean, I know, I have known guys who have one t-shirt that is their favorite t-shirt, and that's all they'll wear. I know it cause I've done it. You wanna wear this t-shirt every day. You don't want it to be washed cause it just kind of feels nice, you know (light laughter), and it's. And you take that thing off and it'll stand up by itself after a while. It's like you've been in a third world country with it. There should be an attractibility, there should be that desire. But don't go overboard. It's the inward beauty that's most important.

And finally, paying attention to your spouse. Look at verse 5, "In this manner, or in the same way, in former times, holy women who trusted in God adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord," it's not underlined in my Bible, "whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror." It's that word obey in verse 6. It literally means to pay close attention to. It means to attend to the needs of another. When you pay close attention to the needs of your spouse. Sarah paid close attention and attended to the needs of Abraham. There are a variety that will clamor for your time, especially if you are married to an unbeliever. When a person who is a believer feels rejected by her unbelieving husband, her tendency is to rearrange the priority list. Remember we talked about the priority list a couple weeks ago? Number one priority is God. Number two is your mate. Number three, your children. Number four, the Church. It's in that order. But when the unsaved spouse rejects the saved spouse, she has a tendency to switch number two with number four and it becomes God, the Church, the kids, and her husband. And she starts going to meeting after meeting, involved in this and involved in that, going to all the women's prayer meetings, even the men's prayer meetings if she can come. She just wants to get somewhere else. And the priorities get mixed up. And then he gets even more rejected. He feels like, "Man, I'm not, you're not paying attention to me." "Well, you're not a Christian." I have something that I've never seen before and that is a testimony of someone who's unsaved writing about what it's like to be married to someone who's saved. I mean, I always hear the reverse, but this is a testimony of a man who lived for years as an unsaved man with a saved wife, and what it felt like before he came to know the Lord.

"You have to remember what it's like when a man marries his wife," he said. "She's more than his lover, she's his whole life- his first priority. He never wants anything to come between the two of them. A man can have trouble accepting his own children because each new child takes up so much of his wife's attention, away from him. Suddenly, her main concern is for the children rather than him. The only way he can tolerate their intrusion into his marriage relationship is that he also comes to know and love his children. But when a man's wife becomes a Christian, it's a whole different kind of threat. Suddenly, she has a love relationship with someone he can't even see. He can't understand anything she tries to tell him about this new God that she's come to know. All he knows is that she is in love with somebody else, and he's jealous. Instead of remaining the first priority in his life as when they first got married, he has suddenly been demoted to number two after God. This is the way it must be for a Christian, but an unbelieving husband can't understand that at all. It would be easier for him to understand if she had run off with another man. But she's in love with someone he can't even compete with. He feels helpless. To make matters worse, she starts pressuring him to love her God, too. And that really makes him resentful. It's worse than if after he had gotten married, his mother-in-law moved in, and she and his wife took sides against him. When she finds that she is unable to share her greatest joy with her husband, the wife starts craving fellowship. She can't wait to be with her Christian friends every chance she gets, and she suddenly loses interest in her old friends because they're not Christians. So now the man and wife don't even have friends in common anymore. The husband feels that he hasn't changed, she has. She has broken the marriage contract. In his eyes, she is being unfaithful."

Now, I've never, I've never heard a testimony of an unsaved person before this. What, what's the sad thing about this whole thing is that he is fighting the only thing that could really bring unity to their marriage and real fulfillment. And that is, he coming to know the Lord and functioning the way God intended relationships to function, since He invented it anyway. And he's fight the only thing that could really bring happiness. But, paying attention.

Now finally, verse 7. And this is for both sides, mutual respect. "Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered." The word that I wanna grab on to is the word honor. Husband is to honor his wife. Even if she's an unbelieving wife. It means to assign worth to, saying, "Honey, you're valuable to me, you're precious to me. I love you. I esteem you having great worth. I have assigned high value. You're priceless to me. I respect you." Now, over in Ephesians, Chapter 5, and we can turn there and we quit at this verse. It's something we didn't cover last week. Verse 32, of Ephesians 5, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. But nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects, or honors, her husband." It's a mutual thing. Husband, respect your wife. Wife, respect your husband. Now, I'm gonna read it to you in the amplified Bible, it elaborates what this means. And when I read the amplified Bible I'm convinced that the translators of the Amplified Bible were men who were insecure in their marriage, because in 1 Peter it says, or, it says, "Husband, honor your wives." And that's all it says in the amplified, but notice how they translate it here in verse 33 of what wives are to do to their husbands: "However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly] (laughter)." Well that's what the word means if you boil it down into all of it's chemicals. But it goes for the husband honoring his wife as well. Assigning a high value. There should be a mutual respect. And folks, that respect should be vocal. "I respect you. You're important to me. I want you to know that even though you're not a Christian, I love you and I'm gonna stick with you, and we're going to get through this together. I want you to know how important you are to me." And let me give you a couple hints. First of all a don't, or a do, and then a don't. Number one, listen to your unbelieving spouse. Listen to his opinions. You may not agree with him, but don't say, "Now, now wait a minute. That's unbiblical." Listen to his opinions. Let him know that he's worth listening to. Number two, here's a don't. Do not correct your unbelieving spouse, or your believing spouse, in public. "Well, no that's not right, honey. Now you know that's not right. Let me tell you the truth," in front- wait till you're at home. Don't do it in public. That worth goes down, the respect goes down.

Lee Harvey Oswald, do you remember him? In the sixties, he assassinated President Kennedy. Interesting story about Lee Harvey Oswald. Lee Harvey Oswald grew up in a home where his family did not respect him, but rejected him. He felt totally rejected by mom and day, by his brothers; he was the small wimp of the family. He got to school and his peers ridiculed him as well. Never could enjoy the sports activity. Always ridiculed. But the last straw was when he was married, his wife publicly ridiculed him and show no respect. John F. Kennedy, perhaps the most respected man in the world, was shot by Lee Harvey Oswald, as that final outcry of wanting to be noticed; killing the most respected man in the world. If one significant person in his life would've showed him respect, perhaps Kennedy would still be alive. Don't know. But his deep inset was that deep rejection and he never felt respected, by his family, by his peers or by his wife.

Now, given all of these principles here in 1 Peter, given all of these principles, if we practice all of these principles, if you as a saved spouse practice these, that's not guarantee that your husband or wife is going to become a Christian. And that is not the motivation either. You don't love, and submit, and care for so that he'll become a Christian. Those are ulterior motives. The motivation is Jesus said so and I'm going to obey Him. He may get saved today, he may get saved in fifty years. This is no guarantee. And you, you know it's not, "Well, I'm going to be submissive so that." "I'm going to be submissive because Jesus told me to."

A final word to those who are unsaved. Maybe you're here, maybe you got dragged to church. The one thing that can really bring your marriage together is to know Jesus Christ. The most important part of that relationship is that your sins will be forgiven. You'll have a new, fresh start in life. You'll have purpose and meaning, and also, you'll find how God will take your marriage and begin to heal it. That's what He wants to do. Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, I pray first of all for those of us who need to understand those among us in our body who do not have saved husbands or wives. To not heap guilt upon them Lord, to help that person conduct themselves rightly before his or her unsaved spouse, to support that person. And Father, I pray for those who are in that dilemma, Lord that you'd continue to be their strength. I know it's very difficult. I don't know if from experience, I only know if from hearing and wiping some tears. Father, I wanna pray also for those who may be here this morning who are spouses of Christians, but they have never made a commitment to you; never have been born again. Lord, I pray that You'd just speak to their heart. God I pray that you'd rescue them. That they'd come to know You to have their sins forgiven, have eternal life and also see that beautiful work of restoration in that relationship.

Additional Messages in this Series

Show expand

 
Date Title   Watch Listen Notes Share Save Buy
1/25/1987
completed
resume  
Loneliness
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
2/1/1987
completed
resume  
Am I Singled Out?
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
2/8/1987
completed
resume  
The Dating Game
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
2/15/1987
completed
resume  
Marriage: The Original Blueprint
Genesis 2:18-25
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
2/22/1987
completed
resume  
Marriage: The Roles of Relationship
Ephesians 5:18-23
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
3/22/1987
completed
resume  
Divorce: When the Bond is Severed
Deuteronomy 24
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
3/29/1987
completed
resume  
Divorce: Is it Allowable?
Deuteronomy 24
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
4/5/1987
completed
resume  
Divorce: Who Can Remarry?
Skip Heitzig
  Listen - Mini Player
Listen and Take Notes
Transcript Facebook
Twitter
Email
Audio (MP3)
Buy CD
There are 8 additional messages in this series.
© Copyright 2024 Connection Communications | 1-800-922-1888