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Sex Education: Solomon Style - Part 2
Proverbs 5-7
Skip Heitzig

Proverbs 5 (NKJV™)
1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom; Lend your ear to my understanding,
2 That you may preserve discretion, And your lips may keep knowledge.
3 For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, And her mouth is smoother than oil;
4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death, Her steps lay hold of hell.
6 Lest you ponder her path of life--Her ways are unstable; You do not know them.
7 Therefore hear me now, my children, And do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8 Remove your way far from her, And do not go near the door of her house,
9 Lest you give your honor to others, And your years to the cruel one;
10 Lest aliens be filled with your wealth, And your labors go to the house of a foreigner;
11 And you mourn at last, When your flesh and your body are consumed,
12 And say: "How I have hated instruction, And my heart despised correction!
13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I was on the verge of total ruin, In the midst of the assembly and congregation."
15 Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
Proverbs 6 (NKJV™)
1 My son, if you become surety for your friend, If you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger,
2 You are snared by the words of your mouth; You are taken by the words of your mouth.
3 So do this, my son, and deliver yourself; For you have come into the hand of your friend: Go and humble yourself; Plead with your friend.
4 Give no sleep to your eyes, Nor slumber to your eyelids.
5 Deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, And like a bird from the hand of the fowler.
6 Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise,
7 Which, having no captain, Overseer or ruler,
8 Provides her supplies in the summer, And gathers her food in the harvest.
9 How long will you slumber, O sluggard? When will you rise from your sleep?
10 A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to sleep--
11 So shall your poverty come on you like a prowler, And your need like an armed man.
12 A worthless person, a wicked man, Walks with a perverse mouth;
13 He winks with his eyes, He shuffles his feet, He points with his fingers;
14 Perversity is in his heart, He devises evil continually, He sows discord.
15 Therefore his calamity shall come suddenly; Suddenly he shall be broken without remedy.
16 These six things the LORD hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
17 A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil,
19 A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.
20 My son, keep your father's command, And do not forsake the law of your mother.
21 Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck.
22 When you roam, they will lead you; When you sleep, they will keep you; And when you awake, they will speak with you.
23 For the commandment is a lamp, And the law a light; Reproofs of instruction are the way of life,
24 To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress.
25 Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
26 For by means of a harlot A man is reduced to a crust of bread; And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.
27 Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned?
28 Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared?
29 So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.
30 People do not despise a thief If he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving.
31 Yet when he is found, he must restore sevenfold; He may have to give up all the substance of his house.
32 Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul.
33 Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away.
34 For jealousy is a husband's fury; Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
35 He will accept no recompense, Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts.
Proverbs 7 (NKJV™)
1 My son, keep my words, And treasure my commands within you.
2 Keep my commands and live, And my law as the apple of your eye.
3 Bind them on your fingers; Write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," And call understanding your nearest kin,
5 That they may keep you from the immoral woman, From the seductress who flatters with her words.
6 For at the window of my house I looked through my lattice,
7 And saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, A young man devoid of understanding,
8 Passing along the street near her corner; And he took the path to her house
9 In the twilight, in the evening, In the black and dark night.
10 And there a woman met him, With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart.
11 She was loud and rebellious, Her feet would not stay at home.
12 At times she was outside, at times in the open square, Lurking at every corner.
13 So she caught him and kissed him; With an impudent face she said to him:
14 "I have peace offerings with me; Today I have paid my vows.
15 So I came out to meet you, Diligently to seek your face, And I have found you.
16 I have spread my bed with tapestry, Colored coverings of Egyptian linen.
17 I have perfumed my bed With myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
18 Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with love.
19 For my husband is not at home; He has gone on a long journey;
20 He has taken a bag of money with him, And will come home on the appointed day."
21 With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, With her flattering lips she seduced him.
22 Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks,
23 Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life.
24 Now therefore, listen to me, my children; Pay attention to the words of my mouth:
25 Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths;
26 For she has cast down many wounded, And all who were slain by her were strong men.
27 Her house is the way to hell, Descending to the chambers of death.

New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Wise Up!

Solomon's words of wisdom are just as relevant today as when they were penned over 3000 years ago. This insightful study of the book of Proverbs provides practical advice for living God's way. This 17-message series examines how we are to relate to various aspects of our lives, including spouses, children neighbors, and governments.

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Transcript

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Now would you open your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 5. Marriage was given by God to man that mankind might be fulfilled, might blossom. But marriage has a tendency to erode, more often than it should. Saturday Evening Post had an article sometime back called “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” It’s the reaction of a husband to his wife during their first seven years of marriage. First year, he says, “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things. With all of this strep going around, I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy but I’ll bringing your meals in from that gourmet restaurant that you love so much.” Second year, “Listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called the doctor and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please, just for papa.” Third year, “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Have you got any canned soup?” Fourth year, Now look, dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes and finished the floor, you better lie down.” Fifth year, “Why don’t you take a couple aspirin.” Sixth year, “I wish you would just gargle or something instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal.” Seventh year, “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia?” (Now men, don’t get any ideas from this. This is a relationship that has eroded, as often it does, and when it does it’s not as humorous as what we just read.

What’s the problem in these relationships? Well, un tended relationships. Like a beautiful garden that’s meant to grow, instead if left untended, the weeds can come in. Weeds of indifference or even weeds of an affair, weeds of divorce; can choke up that which is meant to be so beautiful, so enticing, so alluring, can become so erosive.

It is funny to watch Americans date. It seems like, well it’s very much like politics. You put on all the smooze before, you fix your hair up, you look the best, you act the best, you’re on best behavior, you do all sorts of things. But then, what happens? As soon as some couples say, “I do,” it’s sort of like a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde happens and all of that stops. That relationship is left untended, the spark is extinguished. That’s why Paul in Ephesians 5 says that marriage, he says, must be nourished and cherished. Those were his words, nourished and cherished, to grow strong.

Last week, we began in chapter 5 talking about Sex Education Solomon Style and we took the downside of it. We talked about the pursuit of sexual passion, how an affair begins. It begins with a look, it begins with words, they’re very enticing. We talked about how ancient cultures dripped with immorality, how modern society gushes with immorality, it’s all around us. Then we talked about the pain of sexual promiscuity, the dangerous consequences of an affair, of sex out of marriage. How that you get hurt, your spouse gets hurt, your children gets hurt, the church gets hurt, the unbelievers are kept from coming to Christ in many cases, and it hurts the heart of God.
Today we want to continue with the upside of the equation. We want to look at the pattern of sexual pleasure within marriage. And then finally the path of sexual purity. Now before we do, I want you to hear something, after the first service last weeks, we got a phone call, I got one on my answering machine upstairs, from a man who had just been at the first service and he heard what I read at the end, “From Otis of Wisconsin” writing to Ann Landers about how his marriage was broken up. If you were here, you remember that letter. He had gotten out of the service, into his car, was going out of the parking lot, and he called the church and I wanted you to hear what he said.

“Hey Skip, uh, you’re so lucky today, I’m just pulling out of the parking lot here and on the telephone. I almost stood up at the end, you didn’t need to read Ann Landers, for I am that guy. I am exactly that guy. I almost stood up and yelled hat, “Please people, listen to this guy for every single word out, everything he is speaking is so true. I was a guy married for seventeen years to one of the nicest people on earth, left for a runner-up Miss Sexy, did not see my daughter grow up, my daughter’s now 25 going on 14, a tremendous problem. Making $180,000 a year, lost my business, my wife is only interested in my money. My child is not happy with his stepfather. Same, same story. Lost my business, ended up with a failed business that created a tremendous IRS debt, fought the IRS for ten years, tooth and nail for ten years, won nothing, except of rthe fact that I fought them and won nothing and came out, won nothing, just the pain of it. Lost my business, declared bankruptcy, now work for a pittance here in Albuquerque. And I think, I think it’s so true that God forgives.”

He went on to talk about how God has forgiven and restored many things of his life but just the pain of stepping out of those boundaries.

Well today, let’s look at the antidote for all of that, shall we? Keeping marriage pure and keeping sex within marriage. Now I’m going to say some things today that for some reason some people would think shouldn’t come from a pulpit. After all, you know, sex and church, they don’t mix, right? I think the one place it ought to be spoken from is the pulpit. We ought to bring it back from Beevis and Bonehead (applause), after all it was God’s idea. And God meant it to delight, but it has been that which destroys.

Let’s look at the pattern of sexual pleasure, beginning in verse 15, his admonition to his son, “Drink water from your own cistern and running waters from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be only your own. And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you my son be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord and he ponders all his paths. His own iniquities entrap the wicked man and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.” Solomon compares married love to drinking from a freshwater well or water collected in a cistern. And he compares sexual immorality to drinking polluted water from a sewer. One will destroy or has the potential to, and the other will delight. One is a river and the other is a swamp.

And so, let’s look at it. The pattern of sexual pleasure. Now I’ve sort of summed up the pattern in two words: monogamy and enjoyment. Monogamy and enjoyment. Keep it singular, that’s monogamy. And then keep it hot, keep it hot, the enjoyment factor.

Let’s look down at verse 18. He says, “let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with (notice) the wife of your youth.” That is the one you were married to when you were young and still are married to). It’s clear in the scripture and it’s intimated here that God’s pattern is a one man, one woman relationship for one lifetime. Now I know it doesn’t always happen that way and there are factors that are extenuating and things can happen but that is God’s original design. One man, one woman, for a lifetime.

The other night I was watching some late night show, some psychologist interviewing two guys who were talking about dating. They were probably around forty years old, they sounded sixteen. They talked about, “Well, you know, we’ve been dating for a few months, but I don’t know if I can make a commitment.” And they’re talking about all of their short-term dating relationships, they’re in their 40s now, and they could not and would not make any king of lifelong commitment. And one would ask, “Why is that so prevalent today?” Why are there so many short-term commitments? Today we measure commitment in microseconds. And there’s no lifelong relationship. Well, it’s easy to see, look around and you see the one out of every two marriages end up in the divorce court. And so people are really gunshy because of divorce possibilities. In this society, when you talk about one man, one woman, for one lifetime, some people think your extraterrestrial, you are weird, that is so outmoded. They say, “That’s even unreal. You can, that’s unrealistic.” As I was listening to these two gentlemen being interviewed, there was something that was constantly recurring in their conversation. They were talking about their plans, their wants, their needs. That is the reason why you have very few long-term committed relationships. Self-centeredness destroys them. What’s in it for me? It’s always what I will get out of something. It used to be years ago that the first thing young people thought of getting out of high school when going into college or getting out of college was getting married. Today it’s the last thing, it’s last on their list. Now, I am certainly not saying that monogamous lifelong relationships have no problems, I’m not saying that at all. In fact, oftentimes that’s when many problems begin. Because you are now in a relationship who is as imperfect as you are, and you are called to get along. And you see all of their imperfections and I would say, you see all of your imperfections. You thought you were so warm, so easygoing, so easy to get along with, hah! Now you have somebody living next to you, telling you the truth about yourself and it’s not that easy. But you don’t run from it, just because it’s not easy. That’s what hones you, that’s what takes off the rough edges in your life. The buzzword today is incompatibility. “Well, we’re just incompatible.” Let me tell you something, everybody on earth is incompatible with everybody else on earth. “oh no, but this other person that I’m having this allure-.” No listen, just be with them for a period of time and you’ll see all of the flaws that you saw in your other mate or that you have yourself. Everybody has flawas. And getting along is certainly not easy.

That’s why Ben Franklin had it right when he said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards.” (laughter) I think that’s good advice. But the pattern for sexual pleasure is clearly, unmistakably within the parameters of marriage. And guess what? It’s more enjoyable.

Two researchers from the Family Life seminars concluded that Christians generally experience a higher degree of sexual enjoyment than non-Christians. Citing from a Redbook article published entitled “Sexual Pleasure survey” showing the preferences of 100,000 women, the article said (quote)”Sexual satisfaction is related significantly to religious belief. With notable consistency, the greater the intensity of a woman’s religious convictions, the likelier she is to be highly satisfied with the sexual pleasures of marriage.”

Now, God’s intentions are simple. God’s intentions are stay pure until marriage and stay married until dead. That’s God’s underlying original intention. Now again, I realize that is not always possible, I realize that a spouse may go out on you or leave you. There’s all sorts of factors that can cause breakup of marriages, but I am specifically to a trend today that is very popular, it’s called living together. And it’s not even winked at, “Oh yeah, well we’re just living together.

We’re trying it out first.” Since 1970, the number of Americans living together, it’s increased four hundred percent. That has become the norm, living together. However, two sociologists in a recent study showed that people who lived together first are more apt ot fail at their marriage than people who live together after they say their vows. One article said, “Studies show based on fifty years of data (fifty years is a long time to study something) that couples who live together before marriage have a fifty percent greater chance of divorce than those who don’t. Those who cohabit also have a less satisfying and more unstable marriage. Why? The researchers found that those who live together later regretted having violated their moral standards and felt a loss of personal freedom to exit out the back door. Furthermore and in keeping with the theme of marital bonding, they have stolen a level of intimacy that is not warranted at that point nor has it been validated by the degree of commitment to one another.”

I found an interesting phrase in that little article, “they have stolen a level of intimacy.” They have stolen a level of intimacy. You say, “Why is that so interesting?” It’s in light of what Proverbs says about marital intimacy. Would you turn over to Proverbs 9 for just a moment, keep your finger here, we’ll be back. Look at Proverbs 9, same context, same stuff he’s speaking about, intimacy, sex in marriage. In verse 17 of chapter 9 he talks about it out of marriage, “Stolen water is sweet.” Now remember the article says they have stolen a level of intimacy, here Solomon says, “Stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant but he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of hell.” Living together is immoral. It is a violation of God’s law. It undermines a marriage relationship and can often lead in divorce. The Bible says it and the researchers will say amen to it.

So, the pattern of sexual pleasure is a lifelong relationship, a monogamous relationship. Secondly, enjoyment. Look back at verse 18, let’s begin in verse 15, I love the way it’s put, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well (it speaks of refreshment, enjoyment). Shouldy our fountains be dispersed abroad? Streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” The word rejoice is the Hebrew word samach, it means to brighten up. To brighten up. And it could be translated to make cheerful or glad or joyful. Solomon wrote again in Ecclesiastes chapter 9, verse 9, “Live joyfully with the wife to whom you love all the days of your life.”

Last Sunday, right before this service, second service, a man walked up to me an shook my hand and he said, “you don’t know me but my wife and me are visiting here from the East today. We hear you, the last couple years, when you speak at the Billy Graham training center The Cove, we hear you on the radio back there and we thought that we’d come and visit you today. I said, “Well that’s a long visit.” He said, “Well we had our honeymoon in Santa Fe years ago, forty-five years ago to be exact, and today is our wedding anniversary. We’ve been married forty-five years and I thought I’d take her on a second honeymoon to Santa Fe. And so after our time together yesterday and last night, we thought we would come and have church here this morning.” And I thought, “there’s a guy who enjoys his marriage.”

Now, rejoice with the wife of your youth. It means more than sexual enjoyment, thought we’ll get into that in a moment. I think it means first of all, to enjoy each other’s company, to enjoy each other’s company. Now the context here is the bliss of sex in marriage. But the bliss of sex in marriage begins way before 10 pm. Somebody once said, “If you want to have an energized sex life in marriage, try a little tenderness the other 23½ hours of the day.” You enjoy each other’s company, you enjoy being with each other during the day as much as you can. Intimacy begins with harmony. Stay in touch with each other, spend quality time together.

A young wife expressed to her husband how she felt about this by these words, “Please come and take my hand. Let’s walk. Give me you. Eyes saying, “hi,” glances saying, “I care,” handholds that let me know you’re only teasing,” hugs saying, “thank you for being you,” kisses that gently want me; and then love that says, “I’ll be here tomorrow and every day hereafter.”

So, enjoy each other’s company. Secondly, I think it would imply enjoy each other emotionally. Now nobody has to tell a husband and wife that they’re different emotionally, they learn this very quickly, they react to things very differently. And as our makeup is so different from the other, to me that’s the thrill of it, trying to figure the other person out, to understand the other person. Though you might not agree totally, Peter says in I Peter to husbands, “Husbands, likewise dwell with your wives with understanding.” We think about things differently. And instead of saying, “Why, you shouldn’t feel that way.” She does feel that way. That’s a ridiculous statement. Or, he does feel that way. Live with them with understanding. If we do not do that, then emotionally we become like islands. We are different. But if we don’t build bridges in our differences, constantly, emotionally; we will become isolated and very very lonely. Do you remember in 1965 Paul Simon’s song, “I am a Rock, I am an Island.” Some of you, how many remember back that far? (laughter) Oh, back in the old days…” I was thinking about that song as I was preparing this message so I quickly got on the Internet and pulled it down. And here’s some of the words to that song, listen to it. “I have built walls, a fortress deep and mighty that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship Friendship causes pain. It’s laughter and loving I disdain. I am a rock, I am an island. I have my books and my poetry to protect me. I am shelded in my armor, hiding in my room, safe within my womb, I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island.”

Too many times that’s how people live. They don’t enjoy each other emotionally. They don’t take time to work through the differences, to share their fears, their dreams, their secrets. That builds intimacy, enjoying those differences. That’s why Peter said, “Dwell with understanding with them.” It’s one thing to dwell with them, it’s another thing to dwell with understanding. Now, it’s interesting to me that both Peter and Paul, whatever they discussed the home, marriage, family; they always begin with the guys. There’s a reason for this, because we are the initiators, men. We should treat our wives in a way that we want to be treated. They respond to our treatment of them. Somebody put it this way, “If a husband has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she’ll never turn into a nag.” It begins with us, guys.

Then I think it also means that we enjoy each other spiritually as well. We have a spiritual walk that we must be building up with one another. Staying in the word together, praying with one another. And enjoy the differences in spiritual perspective. You will look at the scriptures a certain way. Your spouse will see it an entirely different way. and it’s a beautiful aspect. I’ll oftentimes bring things up to my wife and she’ll share some great insights into the Word. In fact, many times before a message, I’ll fun things by her just to get her spiritual insights, they’re so valuable to me. I’ve heard her teach here, the women, and I’ll think, “That’s good, I’m going to write that down, I’m going to rip it off. People will think I came up with it and she came up with it.” It says in Ephesians chapter 5, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, gave himself for her that he might cleanse, sanctify her with the washing of the water by the Word.” That’s what husbands ought to be doing with their wives: nourishing, cleansing the relationship by the Word of God.

Then of course, and this is where context really comes in, husbands and wives should enjoy each other sexually. Notice Solomon is very very open and frank about this. Verse 19, “As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and always been enraptured with her love.”

The word satisfy, and I’m going to get into this, in the Hebrew that means to be satiated, saturated, or to have one’s full as in being filled in drink. And then the word enraptured in that verse means literally to swerve, meander; to roll, reel, or to be intoxicated with. It’s a word that was used to describe the reeling of a drunken man. Be intoxicated with her love. Think about that, if you think God is a prude, man think again. The way he describes love and sex in marriage. God does not see sex as merely functional or procreational, for the propagation only of the human race; but to be enjoyed within marriage, not as a duty but as a joy. And when marriage is what God intended it to be, it becomes rapturous. C. S. Lewis, and I love what he said, he said, “Pleasure is God’s invention, not the devil’s.” God invented this stuff and Solomon talks about it with great detail.

In the beginning, when God created husband and wife, brought them together in the garden, Adam and Eve, it says, “God brought the woman to the man and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed.” The man and his wife and they were not ashamed. They were not ashamed, there they were, absolutely vulnerable, totally naked in each other’s presence, not blushing, not ashamed. You don’t have to be ashamed either, when in the proper context you enjoy your spouse, not ashamed at all. It is only when sin entered that relationship in the garden that embarrassment and shame and coverup became the norm, rather than open vulnerability. Now, when I think about that verse however I have to quickly think about my own honeymoon. And think you can relate. It’s not easy, it’s embarrassing. I mean, here you’ve dated this girl and you’ve prayed together and you’ve talked about serving God together and then you’re married. And our first night was spent in Ventura, California. We took our honeymoon up the coast where we lived. And Lenya, we didn’t have any money, Lenya’s grandfather said, “Hey I’ll take care of the hotel arrangements.” And he gave us a honeymoon suite in Ventura, California. And I thought, “Oh, all right!” So we checked into the hotel, the guy gives us the key to the honeymoon suite, we walk up and it was like to grossest thing I’ve ever experienced. Pink carpet, red and pink velvet wallpaper, little cherub lamps, naked cherub lamps, all over the place, (laughter) mirrored ceilings. And I walk in there and I go, “I’m going to call the guy and change the room.” And I did. I said, “Can we have different room?” And he said, “it’s pretty gross, isn’t it?” He said, “you’ve got to live with it, all the rooms are booked up tonight. You have to stay there.” Oh, thanks a lot.

But now listen to Hebrews 13, verse 4, “Marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled.” That doesn’t mean you have to change your sheets every week. The whole idea of the bed undefiled is the bed of sex. Marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled. Marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled. It’s a sacred experience by God. The Greek word for bed, you’d be interested to know, is the word coitay, where we get the word coitus, the act of sexual intercourse. In the Greek it literally means cohabitation by the implanting of the male sperm. Now we’ve heard a lot about abuse last week, sex out of marriage. But don’t get the idea that God condemns it, he doesn’t. He condones it, in the right place. What God condemns is the fire burning out of the fireplace. That’s the example we used last time. Fire in the fireplace is great. Out of the fireplace, it’s condemned. But listen, when fire’s in the fireplace, let it burn man, and burn hot! Drink water from y our own cistern, man, it’s very graphic. Enjoy it. It’s God-given.

Now Solomon wrote another book. He wrote the book of Ecclesiastes but he also wrote another book that many people are afraid to read, The Song of Solomon. The Song of Solomon is a pattern of young lovers, a couple who gets married and enjoys one another. It’s a story of the king who marries a beautiful young girl from the north. She’s a farm girl, a vineyard girl. And they get married and they enjoy one another. It’s the pattern of married life as God intended. Let me read a portion of it to you, from The Living Bible, the Song of Solomon, in chapter 5. The wife here is looking upon her husband’s body sne she says, “My beloved one is tanned and handsome, better than ten thousand others. His head is purest gold. He has wavy raven’s hair. His eyes are like doves beside the water brooks, deep and quiet. His cheeks are like sweetly scented beds of spices. His lips are perfumed lilies. His breath like myrrh. His arms are round bars of gold set with topaz. His body is bright ivory encrusted with jewels. His legs are as pillars of marble set in sockets of finest gold, like cedars of Lebanon. None can rival him, his mouth is altogether sweet, lovable in every way.”

Now in chapter 7, he responds and he sees his wife. And Solomon says, “How beautiful your tripping feet oh queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of the most skilled craftsman. Your navel is as lovely as a goblet filled with wine. Your waist is like a heap of wheat set about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, yes lovely twins. You are tall and slim like a palm tree, your breasts are like its clusters of dates. I said, ‘I will climb up into the palm tree and take hold of its branches.’ Now may your breasts be like grape clusters, the scent of your breath like apples, your kisses as exciting as the best of wine, smooth and sweet. Causing the lips of those who are asleep to speak.” This is in the Bible!

Husbands and wives, do you ever talk that way to your spouse? (laughter) Who knows what might happen if you did? Just remember, if you do, it’s in the Bible, it’s okay. See, God made your body including the sexual part. God designed you to be stimulated. It’s not, “well this is a good part of your body, that’s an evil part of your body.” (laughter) It’s all good. All of it’s good. When God created man and woman upon the earth, he looked at his creation and what did he say? He said, “It is very good.” If God said, incidentally before the fall, that’s his original design, it is very good, what right do we have to say, “It’s bad,” or “It’s just a duty.” No, it’s very good, as attested by Solomon and his bride. And I think of the words that God told to Peter in the book of Acts. When he said he wouldn’t eat that non-kosher food that was let down on a sheet, God said, “What God has cleansed, let no man call common or unclean.” And if God has given sex to mankind for enjoyment, within the parameters of marriage, by all means don’t call it evil, don’t call it common. Call it good and enjoy it. So, the sexual urge given by God but also must be guided by God.

Now, let’s conclude with the path, shall we, the path of sexual purity. We’ve already seen part of it. The first thing of sexual purity when you’re married is have a love affair with your wife, or your husband, continually. That one man, one woman, relationship, that enjoying of all of the aspects of one’s personality, but I would say there’s a couple of more safeguards to keep you safe from an affair. Number one, don’t give yourself the opportunity. Don’t give yourself the opportunity. Look at verse 7, “Therefore hear me now my children, do not depart from the words of my mouth, remove your way far from her” (her being the seductress, the immoral woman). And notice this, “do not go near the door of her house>’ See how that’s put? He didn’t say, “Don’t walk in the door, don’t go up to the door.” He said, “Don’t even go near it. Don’t even get closet to it. In other words, go out of your way to avoid it, is the intention here. So be careful not to go near the door of pornography. Don’t even get close to the door of certain movies that were depicted as okay. Be careful with becoming too friendly with certain people that you could be attracted to. And then be careful with your eyes especially. For Jesus said this in Matthew 5, “You have heard that it was said by those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ but I say to you whoever looks at another woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Now, as you know the word for look is not the inadvertent glance, it’s the steady continuous gaze, it’s the looking with the intention of lusting. Don’t even get close enough to look. Stay away from the path, the opportunity.

It’s a pity that people think these experts like Dr. Ruth have so much insight. Wow, new, insightful, she’s awesome. And she says, “Fantasies are okay.” In fact she says “you ought to have a few fantasies. As long as you have fantasies, it’s okay, you’re not really hurting anybody.” Because she says, “It’s only in the mind. And if it’s only in the mind it’s okay.” Let me tell you something, the battle is won or lost in the mind, it’s the battleground. If you mentally undress someone or imagine being with that person sexually and you fuel that imagination with pornography and certain other stimuli, it can eventually become a reality, it often does. Studies show that. I’ve talked to people who have said that. The mind is very important. Case in point, once again David, staying home from the battle, walking out one night, checking things out. And there’s a woman across the valley on her rooftop, bathing. He couldn’t help the first look, she’s there. But that doubletake he could have helped. It’s not like, “Oh, I’m turning away.” It’s like, “Hmmm.” And his mind started playing with it and he started imagining and he called for her. And they had sex together. Interesting, he was a warrior, a great warrior, very successful, very popular. In fact, some think he was around 39 or 40 years of age, just the time when many men are kind of re-evaluating their lives, they’re kind of unhappy with the goals that they have or haven’t reached and they’re very vulnerable. The wonder, “I wonder if I still have the stuff? I wonder if I still have the appeal?” And they begin testing in areas that they shouldn’t be testing. They’re very vulnerable for a new fling. So, avoid the path, and avoid relationships that tempt you. You know, some people that you meet attract you more than others and you know who they are when you meet them. You feel something. So watch it, stay away.

Secondly, live under the accountability of God. Look at verse 21, we’ll close with this verse. “For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord and He ponders all of his paths. That’s where purity begins, a commitment to God. It does not begin with an agreement with your spouse but it includes that. It does not begin with an agreement with yourself, though it includes that. It begins with living under the all-seeing eye of God. Purity begins with the fear of the Lord which is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge. And if you’re the kind of a person who realizes wherever you go, whatever you see, whatever you do, God is watching and pondering, can make all the difference. That’s where purity really begins.

Carpenters when they build homes learn quickly how to drive nails into the wood. They hammer hundreds of them a day and they learn this all-important truth, that whatever you look at you hit. So you always look at the head of the nail, not the thumb holding the nail. “Well I’ll just look at my thumb so I won’t hit it.” Yeah, you will hit it, whatever you look at you’ll hit. Jesus Christ is the head of the nail in life. We’re always looking for Him, always considering Him in all our relationships. And we’re pressing forward, as Paul the apostle put it, makes all the difference. Purity begins by pleasing God, saying, “I’m God’s property. This is God’s temple, He lives within me. I’ve been bought by the blood of Jesus Christ. I live differently.

When modern man speaks of the act of sexual intercourse, they either call it making love or simply having sex. You know, the Bible uses a different word altogether, the word know, K-N-O-W not N-O, K-N-O-W. It says “And Adam knew his wife.” It doesn’t mean they were just acquainted, it’s the biblical term for intimate sexual intercourse. But why does the Bible use the term know instead of just having sex? Because sex according to the Bible is not an act but a relationship, that includes an act. It is very beautiful in its context, it is delightful. And husbands and wives should let it burn passionately, enjoy one another. But outside of marriage, it can and will destroy. As you’ve heard the tape this morning and as so many have attested to.

I want to conclude with a prayer. It’s a prayer that was written but I think it reflects a great deal of truth. By Harry Hollace Jr. who said, “Lord, it is difficult to know what sex really is. Is it some demon sent to torment me or some delicious seducer from reality? It is neither of these, Lord. I know what sex is, it is body and spirit, it is passion and tendersness. It is strong embraces and gentle handholding. It is open nakedness and hidden mystery. It is joyful tears on a honeymooner’s face. It is tears on a wrinkled face on a golden anniversary. Sex is a quiet look across a room, a love note on a pillow, a rose lying on a breakfast plate, laughter in the night. Sex is life, not all of life, but wrapped up in the meaning of life. Sex is your good gift, oh God, to enrich life, to continue the race, to communicate, to show me who I am, to reveal my mate, to cleanse through one flesh. Lord, some people say that sex and religion do not mix. But your word says that sex is good. Help me to keep it good in my life. Help me to be open about sex and still protect its mystery. Help me to see that sex is neither demon nor deity. Help me not to climb in a fantasy world with an imaginary sexual partner. Help me in the real world to love the people whom you have created. Teach me that my soul does not have to frown at sex for me to be a Christian. It is hard for many people to say, “Thank God for sex,” because for them sex is more of a problem than a gift. They need to know that sex and gospel can be linked together again. They need to hear the good news about sex. Show me how I can help them. Thank you Lord for making me a sexual being. That you for showing me how to treat others with trust and love. That you for letting me talk to you about sex. That you that I feel free to say, ‘Thank God for sex.’ It goes without saying, without it, none of us would be here. But it must be kept where God wants it to be kept. And it will be a stream of water of delights. But dare to take it out of God’s parameters, dare to say, “Well God, you’re old-fashioned and I’m hep and I’m going to do it my way.’ And you will be drinking polluted water from the sewer and you will incur much pain. God gives these parameters because he loves you.

Let’s pray. Father, how grateful we are for your love, for your honesty, how grateful we are Lord that Your Word does speak so plainly about these things. And we offer our bodies just now as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to you which is our reasonable service. We ask Lord that you would take our lives, that we would be holy people, holy vessels, set apart for You, that we would always see ourselves as men and women under the eye of God, watching us when no one else can and that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Help us Lord to stay far from immoral paths, away from doors that would open up into kinds of behavior that would entrap and ensnare us. Thank you for this time together. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Additional Messages in this Series

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1/7/1996
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Living Wisely - Living Well
Proverbs 1:1-6
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1/14/1996
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Start at the Beginning
Proverbs 1:7; 9:10
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1/21/1996
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Just Say 'NO' to Temptation
Proverbs 1:10-19
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1/28/1996
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A Passionate Pursuit after God
Proverbs 2:1-9
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2/11/1996
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Can You Trust Your Guide?
Proverbs 3:1-8
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2/17/1996
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What Makes a Good Parent
Proverbs 4:10-13
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2/25/1996
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Sex Education: Solomon Style - Part 1
Proverbs 5-7
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3/10/1996
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What Kind of Worker Are You?
Proverbs 6
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3/17/1996
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The Incomparable Gift of a Friend
Proverbs 6:1-3
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3/24/1996
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Words, Words, Words
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3/31/1996
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What Does Your Mouth Reveal? - Part 1
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4/14/1996
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What Does Your Mouth Reveal? - Part 2
James 3
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Message Summary
We can use our mouths to bless or curse, profanity, vulgarity associated with humor, words banned on television, lying, angry words, self-control, gossip, five questions before listening to a report:
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4/21/1996
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The Counsel of the Godly
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4/28/1996
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When Counseling Works...and When it Doesn't
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5/5/1996
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Virtual Woman or Virtuous Woman?
Proverbs 31:10-22
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5/12/1996
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Rewards of an Awesome Woman
Proverbs 31:23-31
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There are 16 additional messages in this series.
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