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Gender Wars
Genesis 1-3
Skip Heitzig

Genesis 1 (NKJV™)
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
3 Then God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light.
4 And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness.
5 God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.
6 Then God said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters."
7 Thus God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was so.
8 And God called the firmament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day.
9 Then God said, "Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear"; and it was so.
10 And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good.
11 Then God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth"; and it was so.
12 And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
13 So the evening and the morning were the third day.
14 Then God said, "Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years;
15 "and let them be for lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth"; and it was so.
16 Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also.
17 God set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth,
18 and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good.
19 So the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
20 Then God said, "Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens."
21 So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
22 And God blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth."
23 So the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
24 Then God said, "Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind"; and it was so.
25 And God made the beast of the earth according to its kind, cattle according to its kind, and everything that creeps on the earth according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
26 Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."
27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
29 And God said, "See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food.
30 "Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food"; and it was so.
31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
Genesis 2 (NKJV™)
1 Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished.
2 And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.
3 Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.
4 This is the history of the heavens and the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens,
5 before any plant of the field was in the earth and before any herb of the field had grown. For the LORD God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to till the ground;
6 but a mist went up from the earth and watered the whole face of the ground.
7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
8 The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed.
9 And out of the ground the LORD God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
10 Now a river went out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads.
11 The name of the first is Pishon; it is the one which skirts the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold.
12 And the gold of that land is good. Bdellium and the onyx stone are there.
13 The name of the second river is Gihon; it is the one which goes around the whole land of Cush.
14 The name of the third river is Hiddekel; it is the one which goes toward the east of Assyria. The fourth river is the Euphrates.
15 Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.
16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat;
17 "but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."
18 And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."
19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.
20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 3 (NKJV™)
1 Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Has God indeed said, 'You shall not eat of every tree of the garden'?"
2 And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden;
3 "but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.'"
4 Then the serpent said to the woman, "You will not surely die.
5 "For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.
7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
8 And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
9 Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, "Where are you?"
10 So he said, "I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself."
11 And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?"
12 Then the man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate."
13 And the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
14 So the LORD God said to the serpent: "Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life.
15 And I will put enmity Between you and the woman, And between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, And you shall bruise His heel."
16 To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you."
17 Then to Adam He said, "Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat of it': "Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life.
18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field.
19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return."
20 And Adam called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.
21 Also for Adam and his wife the LORD God made tunics of skin, and clothed them.
22 Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever"--
23 therefore the LORD God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken.
24 So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.

New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Keep Calm and Marry On

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" reads a popular book title. The genders are different from each other; we were designed that way. Today we consider that design and how it became marred. This section of Scripture helps us understand the roots of chauvinism and feminism, both of which have added confusion to our culture. It also helps us understand the roles God gave to men and women, and how they work today.

A Christian marriage is intended to portray Christ and His church to the world. But how do we ensure that our marriages live up to God's standards? God's Word contains what we need not only to flourish, but to overcome the emotional, societal, and spiritual attacks we face in our marriages. In this series, Pastor Skip Heitzig covers various scriptural texts to give us the biblical view on marriage. From dating to dealing with in-laws; from anger management to managing your finances; from conflict resolution to delightful sexual relations, this powerful series will provide the tools you need to strengthen your home and relationships.

FREE - Download Entire Series (MP3) (Help) | Buy series | Buy audiobook

Outline

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  1. The Magnificent Design: Rule With Each Other (1:26-28)

    1. Designed in God's Image

    2. Designed as God's Ambassadors

  2. The Matched Design: Role With Each Other (2:7, 18, 23)

    1. Designed Similar but Different

    2. Designed to Minimize Differences

  3. The Marred Design: Rule Over Each Other (3:16-19)

    1. Marred by Pain

    2. Marred by Conflict

Detailed Notes

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  1. Introduction: Men and Women are Different from One Another
    1. Differences described
      1. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
      2. Men are like dogs; women are like cats
      3. Men are like woofers; women are like tweeters
      4. Men are like flannel; women are like floral
    2. Those with differences join to form interesting marriage
      1. No one is perfect
      2. Happy marriage: union of two forgivers
    3. We don't understand the opposite sex
      1. Brains, hearts, spirits
      2. "There are three things that amaze me—no, four things I do not understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman." (Proverbs 30:18-19)
        1. Solomon, filled with great wisdom (see 1 Kings 4:29) couldn't figure it out
        2. Solomon had about 700 wives and 300 girlfriends
    4. Both men and women are from God
      1. Sin entered the human experience
      2. Sin contaminated and complicated every relationship
      3. Gender wars
      4. What happened?
      5. What now?
      6. Examine from a designers point of view: Designer with intention
  2. The Magnificent Design: Rule With Each Other (1:26-28)
    1. Designed in God's Image
      1. Both men and women designed in His image
      2. Capable of expressing God's communicable attributes
        1. Intellect
        2. Emotion
        3. Will
        4. Choice
      3. We share something with the Creator that other creatures do not share
      4. Tripartite being
        1. Father, Son, Holy Spirit
        2. Body, soul, spirit
      5. Equality does not mean interchangeable: men and women are unique
    2. Designed as God's Ambassadors
      1. Designed to rule together
      2. Represent God over creation
      3. Co-regents: male and female rule together
    3. Principles
      1. Marriage should mirror God's image
      2. Marriage should manage God's realm
  3. The Matched Design: Role With Each Other (2:7, 18, 23)
    1. Designed Similar but Different
      1. Match made in heaven: unique roles
        1. Male
          1. Chief gardener
          2. Chief animal namer
          3. Man not good alone
        2. Female
          1. A helper suitable to him
          2. Comparable
          3. Like opposite him
          4. Something that completes a polarity
          5. Different but complementary
      2. Differences
        1. On different wavelengths
          1. Men average 4 items in the bathroom
          2. Women average 328 items in the bathroom
        2. "Men are different from women. They are equal only in their common membership of the same species, humankind. To maintain that they are the same in aptitude, skill or behavior is to build a society based on a biological and scientific lie." – Brain sex: The Real Difference between Men and Women, by Anne Moir and David Jessel
        3. "Men and women differ in every cell of their bodies." – Dr. Paul Popenoe
        4. Physiologically
          1. Metabolism
            1. Women's slower
            2. Men's more active
          2. Skeletal structure: Women shorter head, broader face, less protruding chin, longer trunk, shorter legs, woman's first finger usually longer than the third (men the reverse)
          3. Woman's major organs are larger: stomach, kidneys, liver, appendix, but smaller lungs
          4. Glandular differences
            1. Woman's larger thyroid, more active, during pregnancy and menstruation, provides resistance to cold
            2. Smoother skin
            3. Relatively hairless body
          5. Woman's blood contains more water; 20% fewer red blood cells
            1. Why women tire more easily
            2. Why women are more prone to faint
          6. Heart rate
            1. Women average 80 beats/minute
            2. Men average 72 beats/minute
        5. Communication
          1. Eye contact
            1. Women hold for 12 seconds
            2. Men hold for 3 seconds
          2. Identity
            1. Women find identity in close relationships
            2. Men find identity in what they do, occupation, status
          3. Worry
            1. Women worry about the future until married
            2. Men never worry about the future until married
          4. Speech
            1. Harvard University study of communication among preschoolers
              1. Girls communicate in recognizable words
              2. 60% of boys' communications were recognizable
              3. 40% of boys' communications were sound effects and yelling
            2. Speech
              1. Men speak in shorter phrases; not a lot of details
              2. Women want details
            3. Differ in the Fall of Man
              1. Eve: deceived, more trusting
              2. Adam: disobedient
              3. "For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression." (1 Timothy 2:13)
            4. Words
              1. Average woman: 25,500 words/day
              2. Average man: 12,500 words/day
    2. Designed to Minimize Differences
      1. Maximize each other's lives
        1. Fill in what's lacking
        2. Two become one flesh
      2. Spouse: God's gift to complete you
        1. Don't resist the completion process
        2. Failure to accept your mate as a gift from God to complete and complement you expresses rejection of God's provision, and is an act of unbelief.
        3. "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard." (1 Peter 3:7 NLT)
          1. Sound like: secret to effective spiritual life is an effective marital life
          2. Husbands to deal with wives in an understanding way
            1. Understanding differences
            2. Understanding weaknesses
            3. Failure to understand can be catastrophic on a number of levels
      3. Mutually complete one another
  4. The Marred Design: Rule Over Each Other (3:16-19)
    1. Marred by Pain
      1. God predicts pain in the areas of identity
        1. Women: home, relationship with child; pain in childbirth
        2. Men: job; pain in work
      2. "Man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward." (Job 5:7)
    2. Marred by Conflict 
      1. Prediction of marital strife
      2. Design to rule together
      3. The fall: Satan attacked God's design
        1. Satan bypasses Adam
        2. Goes to Eve: designed to be the follower in the relationship
        3. Eve
          1. Disobeyed the explicit command of God
          2. Acted independently of her husband
        4. Adam
          1. Disobeyed the explicit command of God
          2. Abdicated leadership; yielded to Eve's usurping the role
      4. "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" (v. 16)
        1. מָשַׁל; mashal-rule, dominion, reign
        2. God once had them serve as co-leaders, now Eve is dominated
        3. תְּשׁוּקַת; teshuqah - to compel, to urge, to seek control over, to desire
          1. Difficult to translate
          2. "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." (Genesis 4:7)
            1. Sin wants to dominate you
            2. You must control it
        4. Best translated: "You will want to control your husband, and he will want to subdue you."
        5. Where the battle of the sexes began
        6. Strains of the battle through history
          1. Male chauvinism
            1. Women suppressed
            2. Women oppressed
            3. Women viewed as slaves
          2. Feminism
            1. Men pushed aside
            2. Men and women are identical on every level
              1. Untrue
              2. Differences complement each other
    3. Application
      1. Perfect man marrying perfect woman for perfect marriage doesn't happen
      2. Redeemed man marrying redeemed woman (restored to their Creator), restored to one another; home can be a reflection of the Garden of Eden before the fall. Unity
      3. Cannot do marriage apart from God and redemption and be satisfied
      4. "When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her—but, alas, she was waiting for the perfect man."—Robert Schumann

Hebrew terms: מָשַׁל; mashal-rule, dominion, reign; תְּשׁוּקַת; teshuqah - to compel, to urge, to seek control over, to desire

Publications referenced: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray, Ph.D.; Brain sex: The Real Difference between Men and Women, by Anne Moir and David Jessel

Figures referenced: Dr. Paul Popenoe; Robert Schumann

Cross references: Genesis 4:7; 1 Kings 4:29; Job 5:7; Proverbs 30:18-19; 1 Timothy 2:13; 1 Peter 3:7

Transcript

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Pastor Skip:All right.

Lenya:Good morning.

Pastor Skip:Now sweetheart, this is the male brain.

Lenya:Is it now?

Pastor Skip:With a hat on it.

Lenya:Is it made of Styrofoam?

Pastor Skip:It, well now, be careful. I want to tell you about, I want to tell you about how men think—the male brain, okay? Men's brains, you see they're filled with files.

Lenya:Files?

Pastor Skip:Does that make sense, files?

Lenya:As in a file cabinet?

Pastor Skip:Yeah. We have a file for, well for everything. We have one file for the car, one file for the kids, one file for you, one file for somewhere in the basement at your parents. We have a file for sports, for everything.

Lenya:Wow.

Pastor Skip:Now, the most important rule of the male brain is that we open one file at a time.

Lenya:Yeah I can't have 

Pastor Skip:No, no, no, one file at a time. 

Lenya:Home decor?

Pastor Skip:Once we're done with one file, we put the file back to its proper place and we're careful not to touch any other file. One file cannot touch another file.

Lenya:Kind of like food on a plate.

Pastor Skip:Second most important rule, no multiple files.

Lenya:No multiple files.

Pastor Skip:Right, that causes confusion.

Lenya:I bet it does.

Pastor Skip:It's like, I don't know what to do. They're all open. More than one is open. What do we do?

Lenya:Like on the telephone and asking a question?

Pastor Skip:And here's the secret, and women don't know this secret.

Lenya:Okay.

Pastor Skip:There's a file in the male brain that women really don't know anything about.

Lenya:Women, don't you want to know?

Pastor Skip:Hey. It's marked, ready?: nothing. It's a nothing file.

Lenya:You have a nothing file.

Pastor Skip:We have a nothing file. It's our favorite file.

Lenya:Favorite file.

Pastor Skip:It's our favorite file. Of all the files in our lives, nothing file's the favorite file.

Lenya:Why's that?

Pastor Skip:There's nothing in it. Now, we can go to that file and keep going back to that file endlessly. That explains why we can channel surf. Go from one channel to the next, to the next, to the next.

Lenya:And I say to you honey, "What are you watching?"

Pastor Skip:And I say, "Nothing," or I'm just sort of sitting around and you say.

Lenya:Honey, what are you thinking?

Pastor Skip:And I say, "Nothing."

Lenya:Which seems humanly impossible.

Pastor Skip:But it's actually true and the other thing is that women are envious of this file because they don't have a nothing category.

Lenya:That's true.

Pastor Skip:They never think about just nothing.

Lenya:Always something.

Pastor Skip:Always something.

Lenya:Well, sweetheart.

Pastor Skip:Yes?

Lenya:This is the female brain.

Pastor Skip:With red hair.

Lenya:It doesn't matter what color of hair. The brain functions the same and ours are filled with fibers like fiber optic wires that are in a menagerie of colors, complicated patterns and they're intricately connected.

Pastor Skip:Sort of like the red hair on this thing.

Lenya:You cannot touch one fiber optic wire without engaging them all. You talk about money, we go to mommy and to manners and the menu, and before you know it, it's like the Fourth of July. Woo Hoo Hoo, It's all lit up.

Pastor Skip:So, you can't deal with just one file.

Lenya:No, no, no, no. They engage. And do you know what energizes? You know who gets these files—the juice flowing?

Pastor Skip:I want to know.

Lenya:Emotions. The more emotions, the more of those files. And you know what emotions do to these fibers?

Pastor Skip:Uh, fry them?

Lenya:Once there's an—well, a little bit like that. Once an emotion engages a certain fiber, it is locked into our memory bank and can never be deleted, never.

Pastor Skip:Oh, my. Well, how do we fix that?

Lenya:You cannot fix it. That's the problem, because men keep trying to fix our wires and we don't want you to fix our wires. We want you to listen to us. So, like you go to cut the blue wire and you know what happens if you try and fix us? System failure. And the only thing you can do, reboot and hear the whole thing all over again. So anyway, do not try and repair. And not only that, do we want you to hear us and know our emotions. We have a compelling need to say, "Let's talk. I want to talk. Can we please talk?" And what file are you in?

Pastor Skip:Nothing.

Lenya:So, our worst fear is that our emotions might get put into your nothing file.

Pastor Skip:Not gonna happen. 

Would you turn into your Bibles this morning to the book of Genesis, chapter 3, Genesis chapter 3. Let's pray. Father, we give You our bodies as Paul wrote, as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable which is the smartest thing we could do.

It's the most reasonable way to serve You. And we pray that as we give You our bodies and engage with our mind that, Lord our spirit would grow, that we would understand Your plan and understand behind it all Your great love for each and every one of us. In Jesus' name, amen.

Well, men and women are different from one another. I wonder if you agree with that statement. We're different from one another. Okay. It doesn't take a lot of brainpower to figure that out. There's a book out called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. That's how it's described. The differences between male and female. Or as one person put it, "Men are like dogs, women are like cats."

Or as another person put it in terms of the high-fi system, "Men are the woofers—the big bass speakers. And women are those higher pitched tweeters, sounds are nice and clear and distinct. Another person said, "Well, men in terms of clothing, are flannel, while women are floral." When you get differences that are that apparent and you put those differences together, it makes for an interesting marriage relationship, because no one, no one, no one is perfect. As we mentioned last week, a happy marriage is the union of two forgivers, forgivers. No one's perfect.

But I have a riddle I'd like you to figure out. There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman and after a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was of course perfect. Somebody said, "Boring." One snowy, stormy Christmas eve, this perfect couple was driving along a winding road and noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, which I don't think is the couple that mentioned boring, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys, not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into the vehicle.

Soon, they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. One of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? The answer, the perfect woman. She was the only one that really existed in the first place. You notice I'm biting my lip. Everyone knows there's no Santa Claus and there's no such thing as a perfect man. Now, the male response to that. So, if there's no perfect man and there's no Santa Claus, then the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. 

Hey, would you agree that there's both an attraction between men and women, as well as a tension between men and women, because of the differences that we have? I've listened to, for years, the male species and the female species sort of point at each other and go, "I don't get you. I don't understand you. You are so weird." Trying to figure each other out, trying to understanding and getting in each other's brains, hearts, spirits.

You may have heard the story about the man to whom God appeared, spoke and granted him one wish and the man said, "Lord, what I really would like is a bridge from the mainland all the way to Hawaii, so I could drive there whenever I felt like it." And God responded and He said, "Well, that's a very selfish and materialistic request. Do you realize the amount of concrete and metal it would take to provide a structure for that kind of superhighway from the mainland to Hawaii? Do you have another request?"

So the man said, "Well, yes Lord, I do. I really want to understand women. I want to know how she feels. I want to know what she thinks when she gives me the silent treatment. I want to know why she cries and says, "Nothing's wrong." I really want to know how to make a woman happy." After a long pause, the Lord spoke and said, "Now, back to that bridge. Would you like two lanes or four lanes?"

You know, all joking aside, even the Bible talks about the intricacies of relational differences. The writer of Proverbs, Solomon, said of the three things he didn't understand, yea four, he wanted an answer for he writes this: "How an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on the rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, and how a man loves a woman." Now science can provide answers to the first three, but many men are still trying to figure out number four.

And get this, Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived. The Bible says, "God gave him great wisdom above all those who lived on the earth," and he is over there going, "I can't figure this out. This is so difficult." And if Solomon couldn't figure it out, well, where does that leave us? Oh, by the way, Solomon was the guy who had 700 wives and 300 girlfriends. I don't know how wise he really was.

Can you imagine trying to keep track of a thousand birthdays? That will be like totally impossible. But here's the truth, men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. Both men and women are from God. And, really what happened is sin, as we discovered last week, entered into the human experience and contaminated and complicated every relationship since. And since then, we have gender wars and that is the topic of today, gender wars. That's why I've had you turn to the book of Genesis in chapter 3.

Now, we're gonna work our way to chapter 3. We're gonna begin with some verses we have talked about or even read in Genesis 1 and 2. And then we're gonna find ourselves in chapter 3. We want to know what happened. We want to not only know what happened, we want to know, "What now?" What do we do about it? What does it mean to us? So, as we look at these three chapters, verses out of each one, and we think about gender wars, I want you and I to examine it from the standpoint of a design.

You have an architect or a designer who had an intention in his mind when he designed men, women—marriage. It was a great design, but God's design was marred. Something happened to the design. So, I want to talk about with you the magnificent design in chapter 1—that God designed a man and a woman to rule together—the matched design in Genesis chapter 2 that God designed a man and a woman to have separate roles to complement each other.

But then third, the marred designed, how what happened and continues to happen is men and women want to rule over each other. Back to Genesis, the first chapter in verse 26, we discover his intention from the beginning—God's magnificent design. Verse 26, Genesis 1, "Then God said, 'Let us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.'"

So, God gave them authority over every creep and every creature. So, God created man in his own image. Now, notice in the image of God He created him male and female—He created them. And God blessed them and God said to them, "Be fruitful. Multiply. Fill the earth. Subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Please notice, first of all, in God's original magnificent design, that He designed men and women in His image.

Not just the male. "Well, I am made in God's image. I am the man." No. The male and the female, both of them were created in God's image. What does that mean, image—the image of God? Well, theologians will answer that by saying, "To be in the image of God means that we are capable of expressing God's communicable attributes, attributes like intellect, emotion, will, choice. All of those are part of His communicable attributes. We share something with the Creator that other creatures do not share."

To press it perhaps a little bit further, like the Godhead, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we are tripartite being. We have a body, a soul, and a spirit created in God's image. Okay. Now, being equal, our equality in the image of God does not mean interchangeability. It's like an engine. In an engine, men, you might have the cylinder head and the crankcase made out of exactly the same material, same weight, same cost per inch, etc., but those parts are very different.

You cannot interchange one with the other. They are similar, but they are very different. So, equality in the image of God doesn't mean interchangeability. You have a man. You have a woman. Both of them, though unique, are in the image of God. That's first. Second, you will notice that God designed the man and the woman to rule His creation together. Did you notice the wording? He said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over it."

Notice the word, dominion. That expresses our relationship to the rest of creation. We are to represent God being over all of the rest of creation. We are not the same as a horse, or a cow, or a dog. We are a superior kind, in the image of God, designed to rule over His creation. But here's the point I want to make. The male and the female were to rule together. That's the magnificent design. We were to be co-reagents, co-ambassadors, co-rulers, representatives of God together ruling over creation.

If I were to distill these thoughts into two principles, I would say then that marriage should, number one, mirror God's image and marriage should, number two, manage God's realm. That was His intention. That's the magnificent design, ruling together. If we turn to chapter 2, we understand that this couple was a perfect match. You might say a match made in heaven. God brought the woman to the man. It's a matched design with unique roles that are blended together.

Chapter 2 verse 7, "the Lord God formed the man out of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils." Neshamah haim is the Hebrew word or words. The breath of life. "And the man became a living being." If you scoot down to verse 18, the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone." We already covered that. "I will make him a helper comparable to him," so God did that, and "God brought her to him."

And down to verse 23 of chapter 2, we read, "Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called woman, Because she was taken out of man.'" So, follow the chronology. God creates a man, a male, places him in the garden. He has the job of being the chief gardener, the animal namer, to tend to God's creation. But one day and God looks down and goes, "Not good. Not good is that man alone. I'm gonna make him a helper, somebody who will help him, complete him."

In God's words, A helper that is comparable to him, or a better term: suitable for him. Somebody that suites him perfectly. Somebody that is comparable just for him. Now, the word comparable or suitable is literally, as we told you a couple of weeks ago, somebody who is like opposite him, like opposite. It sounds like an oxymoron, I know. Someone who is like opposite. And the word as we mentioned suggests something that completes a polarity. Just like if you have a North Pole, you need a South Pole.

Just like our planet has a North Pole and a South Pole and both of them, though different, complement each other and are therefore the rotation and existence of our planet. That's the idea. That's the role. Two poles, they may be opposite, but they complement one another. Now, let's get back to this whole difference thing for just a moment. Men and women are similar, but different on a number of levels.

We're of the same species so we're similar. We're on different wavelengths. We are polar opposites in many respects. Somebody once said, "The average man has four items in his bathroom: toothbrush, bar of soap, razor, and a towel from Motel Six." A woman has an average of 328 items in her bathroom and the average man is unable to identify most of them, big differences. Lenya and I are opposite in so many regards. I like things cool. I am warm, so I want the windows open.

She wants a blanket over herself. She's cold. Our thermostats are different. I get in a car. I want the air-conditioning turned up. She wants it turned down. I want the radio turned up. She wants it turned off or really low, so we can talk. You know, we were kind of bantering back and forth at the beginning about the difference between the male brain and the female brain. There's a book out on brain physiology. Provocatively titled, Brain Sex: the difference, The Real Difference Between Men and Women written by a man and woman, Anne Moir and David Jessel.

The book gives empirical evidence, scientific evidence for the difference between the sexes, male and female. In the introduction of the book, it reads, "Men are different from women. They are equal only in their common membership in the same species, humankind. But to maintain that they are the same in aptitude, skill, or behavior is to build a society on a biological and a scientific lie." And the book gives chapter after chapter of scientific empirical evidence to that regard. The book goes on to say that men and women are different, because their brains are different.

Now, I said different. I didn't say better, or superior, or inferior, but we're different. And it will help us and it will help us get along with each other if we understand that. We're different. We are different physically, physiologically. 

Dr. Paul Popenoe, founder of the American Institute for Family Relations in Los Angeles said, "Men and women differ in every single cell of their bodies." He lists a few physical differences: "Number one, we differ in basal metabolism. A woman's metabolism is slower. A man's is faster, more active. This is the reason he wants the windows the open in a snow storm and she wants a wool blanket when it's 95 degrees. Metabolism is different. 

"We differ in skeletal structures," says Popenoe. "Women have a shorter head, broader face. The chin is less protruding, a longer trunk—shorter legs. With the woman, the first finger of a woman's hand is usually longer than the third finger. Men have the reverse set up, the third finger longer than the first." I'm watching you all look at your hands right now. And then looking over, "What? It's true." 

A woman's major organs are larger. They have a larger stomach, kidneys, liver, appendix, but smaller lungs. Now, I know some that would dispute that, but I will not. There are glandular differences between a man and woman. In the woman, the thyroid is larger and more active so that during pregnancy and menstruation, it provides resistance to cold. And this glandular difference is associated with smooth skin and a relatively hairless body, which I find nice features actually.

A woman's blood contains more water than a man's. But 20 percent fewer red blood cells. The red blood cells are what supply oxygen to the body. This explains why a woman tires more easily and is more prone to faint than the male. There's a difference in the heart rate. A woman's heart beats more rapidly. Eighty beats per minute is the average. A man has 72 beats. That's physiologically. That's physically. 

There are differences in the way men and women communicate. Our social interaction is different. It's estimated that a woman, on average, maintains direct eye contact while speaking with someone for 12 seconds. A man maintains it for three seconds. Women tend to find their identity in close relationships with other people. Men tend to find their identity in what they do, their occupation, their status, their job.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. And we're different in the way we communicate, I mean radically different. Harvard University studied hundreds of preschoolers and their interactivity and communication with each other. And what Harvard decided to do is put microphones on a children's playground and listen to the playground conversation, recorded and analyzed it and they did.

And they discovered that the sounds that come from little girls' mouths were recognizable words. Whereas, only 60% of the sounds that came from little boys' mouths were recognizable period. Forty percent of the sounds that came from little boys' mouths were sound effects or yelling, things like, "vroom vroom" or "toot toot" or "rah!" Isn't that fascinating? And you know what? Can I just be honest with you? Things don't change a whole lot when you grow up.

I've been analyzing my communication lately and I do make lots of sounds still. And as we grow, men, even though they're adults, tend to speak in shorter phrases, not a lot of details, not a lot of details men. Because you want the bottom what? Line. That's what you love to use. Your wives are telling you about things and going on and on and you're nodding your head and then you interrupt and go, "Tell me the bottom line." Am I right, women? They want the bottom line.

Women are opposite. They want to know details, details, details and more details. And to men details are aggravating and frustrating and confusing, because we want the bottom line. Now, with all of these differences in physiology, and in communication, and in sociology, I believe that we see them in the Scripture with the fall of Adam and Eve, with what we have already read in previous weeks in Genesis chapter 3.

There is a difference between Eve and Adam—man and woman—in falling into sin when tempted by the devil. You see, Eve, the Bible tells us, was deceived. Whereas Adam was just plain disobedient. Big difference. I Timothy chapter 2 verses 13 and 14, Adam was formed first and then Eve. Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived fell into transgression. And let me just explain what that is. It makes Adam's sin worse.

He knew what he was doing. He disobeyed. She was deceived—doesn't make Eve guiltless; Doesn't make Eve less wise—it just seems to make her more trusting. If you recall back in Genesis chapter 3, the fall of man in verses 1 through 7, we have Eve and the serpent—the devil—having a conversation. And we have Eve listening, and responding, and engaging in the conversation, and reasoning, right? The devil comes along and says, "Has God said that you shall not eat of any tree?"

And she goes, "Well, no. Actually, that God didn't say that. What God said was that we can eat of the fruit of any of the trees in the garden, but there's just one little tree right in," and she goes on and has this conversation and reasons with him. That's the difference. When we get to the next verse, you know what it says about Adam? He ate. That's it. He ate. She's talking, and reasoning, and thinking, and he's like he grabbed it. Arrr, crunch. That's it.

Now, communication experts will tell us that the average woman uses 25,500 words a day. That's what the communication experts say. That's the average, 25,500 words per day. Whereas, they will tell you that the average man uses 12,500 words per day. Huge difference, right? Huge capacity difference, right? 25,500, 12,500. Okay. So, what does that mean maritally? Well, it means that if he's at work all day, by the time he gets home he may have used, I don't know 12,495 words. He's got five left.

He's kind of comin' in the door panting. How's he going to use these five words? What's for dinner? That's three. And good night, he's done. Five, he's done. She's just gettin started. She wants to know about his day and his feelings and the other guy's work and what happened. What'd you eat for lunch? How'd your day go? And she's lucky if he can just get out, "Fine." So, the result of all of that is if you were to talk to the gal and you talk to the guy and you say, "How's your home life? How's your marriage?"

If you talk to the guy, you know what his answers are gonna be? One word, "Great." "Good." Ask the woman that same question, "How's your marriage? How are you doing?" "Well, I don't know what he's thinking. We don't communicate. He doesn't tell me anything," is often the result. So, we are different by design and as different as we are by design, here's the point. When these two individuals get together in the covenant of marriage as outlined and blueprinted by God, the marriage is designed to minimize the differences that are between them and to maximize each other's lives.

I'm gonna make him a helper comparable to him, someone who will fill out what is lacking in his life, someone who will be the South Pole to his North Pole, the opposite of him, like opposite him. And God said, "The two shall become one flesh." So, that woman, husbands, that man, wives, is God's gift to you to complete you. Don't resist the completion process that God has taken you through. I believe that failure to accept your mate as a gift from God to complete and complement you expresses your rejection of God's provision and is an act of unbelief.

Paul writes, excuse me, Peter writes in I Peter chapter 3 to wives and then to husbands, and I'm just going to go right to the husband's part because I am one and I need to hear this. "In the same way, you husbands give honor to your wives. Treat her with" here it is, "understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she's your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard."

Well, that's a powerful statement. Sort it seems to say that the secret to an effective spiritual life is an effective marital life. So that I as a husband am to dwell with my wife in an understanding way. Understanding, there are differences between us. Understanding that there are weaknesses on her part, weaknesses on my part, strengths on her part, strengths on my part, and a failure to understand those differences can be catastrophic at a number of levels.

So then, to distill back to those takeaway points, a marriage is designed to mirror God's image, manage God's realm, and now mutually complete one another, because we're here to complement each other. So, that's God's magnificent design. That's God's matched design, that you guys rule together and that you have roles that complement one another. 

But then we get to Genesis chapter 3 and it all goes downhill. 

It all goes South. And we go from the magnificent design, and the matched design, to the marred design, no longer ruling with each other, rolling with each other, but now ruling over and against each other. I take you to Genesis chapter 3 verse 16, "to the woman He said," after the fall. "To the woman He said: 'I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.'

"Then, he said to Adam, 'Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree which I commanded you, saying, "You shall not eat of it": Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for dust you are, and to dust you shall return.'" 

Now, the design is marred; marred by two things, first of all pain. Don't you find it interesting that God predicts that the pain they're going to experience is pain in the very areas where the man and woman would find their identity? For a woman, her identity is found in close relationships. The most satisfying typically to a woman is found the home, in the bearing of children. There's going to pain associated with that. And to the man who finds his identity in his job and his work, there's going to pain, the sweat of your brow, anguish, aggravation as you eke out a living to provide for your family. It'll be marred by pain.

Even Job said, "As surely as the sparks fly upward, sorrow is part of our experience. Pain is part of our travail." The second thing is that it's marred by conflict. I want you to look specifically at the sixteenth verse of chapter 3, and look at the last phrase. God says to the woman, "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you." I see that as a prediction by God to the men and the women, a prediction of marital strife, conflict in a relationship as a consequence of the fall.

Now again, go back in your mind to what we read at the beginning in Genesis chapter 1. God's original magnificent design is that they rule together, right? Be fruitful. Multiply. Subdue the earth. Both of you have dominion over the earth, both of you. That was before the fall. Then, we have in verses 1 through 7 of Genesis 3, that is the fall. And by the way, in the fall, Satan attacks God's design and leadership. Don't you find it interesting that Satan doesn't go to the man—he goes to Adam—bypasses Adam, he goes around and goes right to Eve, designed to be a follower in the relationship.

Now, Eve sinned and Adam sinned. How did Eve sin? By disobeying an explicit command of God not to touch, not to eat. But more than that, also, she acted independently of her husband. And Adam sinned. How did Adam sin? By number one, disobeying an explicit command of God, but more than that, he yielded to Eve's usurping the leadership role. So, you have a woman who takes charge in the temptation and a man, who advocates, passively advocates his leadership role in the relationship.

Look at verse 16 again. Notice the word, "And he shall rule over you." Mashal is the Hebrew. It means to reign, exercise dominion or to dominate. That's part of the curse. Once Adam and Eve, designed to be co-regents—co-ambassadors—co-leaders, now is dominated. Look back also in verse 16 at the first word in the phrase, or the second in the word in the phrase, "Your desire shall be for your husband." 

Okay, stop there. I have read about every commentary probably written on the book of Genesis, a list that I've been able to find over the years. And they all say a common thing about this. They say, "Well first of all, we find this a very difficult verse to translate. And we find this phrase an extremely difficult, complicated phrase to translate, because of the word 'desire'. What does desire mean, the Hebrew word teshuqah, which is a word that can mean to compel, to urge, or to seek control over, or to desire." Now, in trying to figure out, well, what's the best way that we should translate it? I'll tell you what I think. There's only one other time that it's used quite like this and it's found in the very next chapter.

And I believe if you compare the usage in the next chapter to this chapter, you're going to have your answer. Go with me to chapter 4 and you'll notice it's about Cain and Abel and they both bring sacrifices to the God and one is accepted and one is not. So, verse 7, Genesis 4, God is speaking to Cain who's had his sacrifice rejected and the Lord speaks to Cain and He says, "Look, if you do well, will you not be accepted?" Dude, if you lived right, if your life was right, you'd be accepted. "And if you do not well," now watch this, "sin lies at the door and its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." Did you notice that, almost the same construction as the verse in chapter 3 verse 16? "Its desire is for you, but you shall rule over it." In other words: "Cain, look, sin wants to rule over you. Sin wants to dominate you. You must rule over it. You must control it. You must master sin."

And then we go back to chapter 3 verse 16, "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you," would probably best be translated, "You will want to control your husband and he'll want to subdue you." Now, I want you stop right there and let that sink in, because the verse that you and I just read is where the battle of the sexes began. "Now, you have the rest of the story," as Paul Harvey would say. Here's the rest of the story. This is where it all began.

This is where the gender war started way back then as a consequence of the fall. And there's been two strains, two emphases throughout history in gender wars that are very marked. One is male chauvinism, which has dominated the historical landscape more than any other -ism. In time immemorial, even there's cultures today, where women are oppressed, and suppressed, and seen as something that is owned like slaves. And, certainly, that was a case in ancient cultures even in Rome.

Male chauvinism, oppression, domination, subduing. But our society is different. That is no longer the case. What is the case however is the other strain, the opposite strain of that called feminism where men are pushed aside and during the '70s it was big to say, "Men and women are identical on every single level." And the best science says, "That's just not true." There are marked differences and there are differences in roles to complement one another. But the landscape shows feminism and unfortunately it's very strong even within the church.

So, there's this tension and the tension comes as a consequence of the fall. There was a fourth grade class and the teacher asked the class a simple question, "What does God say about marriage?" And one little fourth grader shouted out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Obviously, there was some tension in his house between his mom and dad. He had noticed this tension. Things weren't perfect. Things aren't perfect. There's no such thing as the perfect man who marries the perfect woman, has the perfect wedding, and the perfect marriage. It doesn't happen.

But, there's a redeemed man and a redeemed woman, two sinners forgiven, redeemed, restored back to their Creator and in the relationship restored to each other, so that though we have fallen, though the image of God is marred in all of us, still, our home can become even—even if it's just a slight reflection, a reflection of the Garden of the Eden before the fall in our homes where we are fruitful together, where we multiply together, where we dominion together and there's a beautiful blend of unity.

'Cause if you try to do it and expect to be happy and satisfied, a part from redemption of God, the interaction of God in your lives, the help of Scripture and the help of Godly accountability, you might as well try to build a bridge to Hawaii. It's impossible. Perfect? No. Redeemed? Yes. Back in the 1800s, a man by the name of Robert Schumann wrote, "When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her, but alas she was waiting for the ideal man. "

Ideal? Perhaps not. Perfect? Certainly not. Redeemed? Certainly. Father, we leave it there because there's hope in those last statements. Our lives, our relationships in your hands brings great hope. You've given us a blueprint. You've told us in Scripture the rest of the story, the whole story, how it really happened, what went down. And it helps us. It helps us to understand what happened. It helps us to understand what now, what it means. It helps us men as we look at women to say, "Okay. I have a little more understanding now. We're different by design." And there's roles that we play. And they're wired differently than I'm filed. And it helps women to understand men's capabilities, capacities and strengths and weaknesses.

And we pray that You would help us Lord to minimize the downside and to maximize the strengths in this wonderful institution, this covenant, this covenant that You call marriage. I pray for marriages Lord, of people who are here right now at this service, right here in this room. Father I pray that You would heal, that You would pour Your balm of love and mercy and cause there to be a humility and a graciousness and if need be a patching together of that which is torn, a gluing together of that which is broken. Take the pieces of our lives, some of us feel shattered and mend them. In Jesus' name, amen.

Additional Messages in this Series

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6/10/2012
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No Man Is An Island
Genesis 2:18-22
Skip Heitzig
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Welcome to a new series! If you're presently not married, don't tune out! You may be someday and it will be worth the investment to listen and learn. If you are married, this will provide needed affirmation of your marriage vows. Let's make a deal—let's decide that it's not enough to just survive in our marriages; let's aim to thrive in them. To do that, we have to revisit God's original design and plan for this foundational relationship.
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6/17/2012
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The First Wedding
Genesis 2:23-25
Skip Heitzig
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Today we go back in time to the first wedding—the prototype. The Divine Architect had something specific in mind when He established marriage. Before the days of ancient polygamy, before the days of male chauvinism and neo-feminism, before the days of no-fault divorce and pre-nuptial agreements was the simplicity of God and His creation. There He brought a man and woman together. What did He want this relationship to be like?
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6/24/2012
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Trouble In Paradise
Genesis 3:1-20
Skip Heitzig
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One pundit said, "'And they lived happily ever after' is one of the most tragic sentences in literature. It's tragic because it tells a falsehood about life and has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence that is not possible on this fragile, failing, imperfect earth." Even in Eden, Adam and Eve didn't live happily ever after. The fall of man into sin brought repercussions that are still felt today.
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7/8/2012
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Friends with Benefits
Matthew 22:37-40
Nate Heitzig
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No matter how you view dating, finding the right mate can be tricky. What should you be looking for in a potential spouse? How can you know that this is God's best for you? Though the Bible is silent about dating per se, it says a lot about how we are to treat one another and what our priorities ought to be. These principles play a major factor in the success of dating relationships—and marriages. Let's open our Bibles to Matthew 22:37-40 for guidance in playing the sometimes challenging dating game.
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7/15/2012
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The Hardest Word in a Marriage
Ephesians 5:22-24
Skip Heitzig
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Some people would consider submission to be as bad as a four-letter word. But that’s because they don’t understand it. God’s plan is always the best plan. He designed your life to be one that is fulfilling and rewarding. Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). For that to happen, we must function within the guidelines of His will in the relational roles we occupy. Today we look at the basic role of a wife in a marriage relationship.
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7/22/2012
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The Storm-Proof Shelter of a Husband's Love
Ephesians 5:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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OK men, it's our turn today—God's blueprint for husbands is in view here. God's plan is for a man's love to become a strong shelter for his wife. The kind of love the Bible directs a husband to have is the kind that makes it easy for a woman to submit to. In fact, I believe the husband holds the key to a flourishing relationship by his initiating and cultivating love.
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7/29/2012
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Strength and Honor
Hebrews 13:4
Levi Lusko
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From crude advertising campaigns to raunchy entertainment, sex has been taken captive to a mindset of dishonor and shame. In truth, sex is a gift from God. He knows best how it can be fully enjoyed—within the marriage relationship. As we ponder the biblical principles of honor and integrity, we gain a deeper understanding of God's plan for purity before marriage and a vibrant sex life afterward.
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8/5/2012
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Homemaker or Homebreaker?
Titus 2;Proverbs 31
Skip Heitzig
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We are surrounded by hostile, home-shattering influences in our world today. The supportive elements of society no longer shade and protect us (like they once did). The Christian home must blossom in a field of weeds! Today I'd like to speak to wives in their role as homemakers (fightin' words for some). Let's take a twenty-first century look at a centuries-old struggle and why God honors the role of the homemaker.
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8/12/2012
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Needed: Real Men!
Joshua 24:1-15
Skip Heitzig
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The definition of what a real man is will vary from person to person, background to background, and ideology to ideology. But one thing is certain: A man who really is godly and really is a spiritual leader and really serves his family is RARE! Today we consider the aged leader of the ancient Hebrew nation, who was calling on the men of his generation to become real men. Joshua instructed those men to do three things.
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8/19/2012
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How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse - Part 1
Proverbs 5
Skip Heitzig
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Being intimate with someone involves more than just sex. Intimacy is a sense of caring and affection in which one can be totally vulnerable without the fear of being hurt or misunderstood. Intimacy is essential if a marriage is going to thrive. How about your marriage? Do these following three elements that foster intimacy exist in your marriage?
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8/26/2012
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How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse - Part 2
Proverbs 5:15-21; Song_of_Solomon 1:1-7:13
Skip Heitzig
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For a majority of married couples, the word enduring sums up their nuptial experience. But let me offer another word, the idea of which comes straight from Scripture itself: It’s the word enjoying. For those of you who merely endure your marriage, you could enjoy it. Using two of the writings of King Solomon, we will explore four areas that healthy married couples could and should be experiencing enjoyment in.
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9/2/2012
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Weeds of Unfaithfulness in the Garden of Love
Matthew 5:27-30
Skip Heitzig
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A wise sage once remarked, "Passion is like fire and water—they are good servants but bad masters!" Sexual passion is like that, and every married couple needs to tend the garden of their love very carefully. That means pulling out the weeds that could lead to unfaithful behavior. Many a marriage has been burned in the fire of adultery or flooded with inordinate passion. Let's consider how our marriages can stay "adultery proof."
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9/9/2012
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Faith Walkin' and Tongue Talkin'
James 3:1-12
Gino Geraci
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Who or what controls your speech? Like a mighty ship that is controlled by a small rudder, our tongues are a small member with great power. Our speech is being controlled either by the Lord or it is being controlled by our own anger, bitterness, and selfishness. When Jesus is in control, we do not have to fear what is going to leak out between our teeth. In our text this week, we learn to be wary that we don't offend with our tongue.
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9/30/2012
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Short Fuse for the Long Haul!
Ephesians 4:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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How can couples have a good fight? Let's face it, there are good fights and there are bad ones. And anger only complicates things. Since marriage is a "long haul" commitment and some people have a "short fuse," there are four principles you need to know in order to fight fair. Moreover, disagreements can actually strengthen your relationship. How?
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10/7/2012
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Partners for Life
Psalm 1:1-6; Malachi 3:6-10
Bob Shank
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When couples marry, they form a partnership where they each agree to cooperate for their mutual interests—it's a partnership between a husband and a wife. But, there is a third party in that partnership—God. Each person's personal relationship with Jesus should be as active and as powerful as their relationship with each other. In this study, we see how we can improve our partnership with God and ensure His blessing on our lives, and we receive concise teaching on what God means when He tells us to test Him regarding our finances.
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10/14/2012
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Have a New You by Friday
Dr. Kevin Leman
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Guest speaker Dr. Kevin Leman provides insights for making changes in our marriages and our families. How do we change our behavior? By deciding to act differently! Let’s give 100% of ourselves to God—He is worth nothing less.
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10/21/2012
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In Sickness and in Health
Job 1-2
Skip Heitzig
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Couples who marry begin their relationship with a verbal contract of wedding vows. They are happy and eager to repeat the familiar "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health," but most fail to read the fine print of those negative possibilities. Today we will consider what happens in a marriage when health issues become the issue.
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10/28/2012
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The Most Important Job in the World
Ephesians 6:4
Skip Heitzig
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What job could possibly be more important to the world than a parent? A surgeon, lawyer, president, pastor, or economist? Nope! Think of a parent's influence: Every word and deed of a parent becomes a fiber woven into the character of a child that ultimately determines how that child fits into the fabric of society. But children can both unify a marriage relationship and challenge it. Let's pull some principles out of Ephesians 6:4 to see how to "Keep Calm" while raising kids.
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11/4/2012
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In-laws or Outlaws?
Genesis 28-31
Skip Heitzig
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When two people get married, they don't simply marry each other; they marry into an extended family consisting of mother-in-law, father-in-law, and perhaps even sister-in-law and brother-in-law. These in-laws come in all sizes and shapes, and all personalities, and there is the potential for these in-laws to become outlaws to the married couple. Today we explore that relationship and see pitfalls to avoid as well as practices to apply.
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11/11/2012
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The Unequal Yoke
2 Corinthians 6:11-18; 1 Peter 3:1-22
Skip Heitzig
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There is a hybrid relationship we haven’t talked out yet—the unequally yoked marriage: when one spouse is a believer while the other is an unbeliever. Such a relationship can occur for a whole number of reasons and can provide a whole host of challenges. But it can also be managed, and done so well: with grace and great success. Let’s consider this relationship today.
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11/18/2012
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Are You Building a House or a Home?
Psalm 127
Skip Heitzig
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John Henry Jowett wrote, “Anyone can build a house: We need the Lord for the creation of a home.” There’s a huge difference between the construction of these two: One is built with earthly materials and anxious thoughts; the other is the result of strong relationships. As we conclude our series today, consider how you’re planning for the future.
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There are 21 additional messages in this series.
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