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Homemaker or Homebreaker? - Titus 2;Proverbs 31

Taught on | Topic: Role of a wife | Keywords: marriage, wife, homemaker, women, woman, submission, housewife

We are surrounded by hostile, home-shattering influences in our world today. The supportive elements of society no longer shade and protect us (like they once did). The Christian home must blossom in a field of weeds! Today I'd like to speak to wives in their role as homemakers (fightin' words for some). Let's take a twenty-first century look at a centuries-old struggle and why God honors the role of the homemaker.

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8/5/2012
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Homemaker or Homebreaker?
Titus 2;Proverbs 31
Skip Heitzig
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Message Summary
We are surrounded by hostile, home-shattering influences in our world today. The supportive elements of society no longer shade and protect us (like they once did). The Christian home must blossom in a field of weeds! Today I'd like to speak to wives in their role as homemakers (fightin' words for some). Let's take a twenty-first century look at a centuries-old struggle and why God honors the role of the homemaker.
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Keep Calm and Marry On

Keep Calm and Marry On

A Christian marriage is intended to portray Christ and His church to the world. But how do we ensure that our marriages live up to God's standards? God's Word contains what we need not only to flourish, but to overcome the emotional, societal, and spiritual attacks we face in our marriages. In this series, Pastor Skip Heitzig covers various scriptural texts to give us the biblical view on marriage. From dating to dealing with in-laws; from anger management to managing your finances; from conflict resolution to delightful sexual relations, this powerful series will provide the tools you need to strengthen your home and relationships.

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Outline

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  1. Ancient and Modern Opposition

    1. The Ancient Greco-Roman Culture

    2. The Modern Western Culture

  2. New Testament Instruction (Titus 2)

    1. The Wife's Relationship to Her Family

    2. The Wife's Relationship to Her Home

  3. Old Testament Illustration (Proverbs 31)

    1. Her Description

    2. Her Devotion

Detailed Notes

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  1. Introduction
    1. Secret to a good marriage
      1. Going all in
      2. Working through details, roles, responsibilities
      3. Heart in the home
        1. Forces at work to destroy the home and longing toward it
        2. Where is your heart?
          1. Doesn't matter what you have, but whom you have
          2. All about relationships
      4. "A little house well-filled, a little garden well-tilled, and a little wife well willed are great riches." –Benjamin Franklin
    2. Homemaker
      1. An excellent wife
      2. A virtuous wife (NKJV)
      3. A wife of noble character (NIV)
      4. "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." (Proverbs 14:1)
    3. Setting
      1. Author: Paul
      2. Letter to Titus
        1. Titus a young, non-Jewish convert
        2. Titus came to Christ through Paul's influence
        3. Titus worker with Paul
        4. Titus sent to Crete to get the churches in order
      3. Content: Social and Spiritual Order of the Christian family and Christian leaders
        1. Roles and responsibilities of Christian leadership
        2. Roles and responsibilities of older men
        3. Roles and responsibilities of older women
        4. Roles and responsibilities of younger men
        5. Roles and responsibilities of younger women
      4. Roles generally unknown in pagan culture
        1. Received opposition
        2. Converts had no model to follow
        3. These words their only source
  2. Ancient and Modern Opposition
    1. The Ancient Greco-Roman Culture
      1. Two Extremes
        1. Male chauvinism
        2. Female feminism
      2. Men: autocratic
        1. Could be tyrants
        2. Patria Potestas: absolute rule of the husband/father
          1. Completely in charge of the lives and affairs of his family
          2. Right to sell family members as slaves
          3. Enact capital punishment on wives and children
        3. Wife tantamount to a slave
          1.  Roman men categorized them with the imbilitas; imbiciles
          2. Women not included in census figures
          3. Many times didn't bear their own names
            1. Assumed the name of their father in feminine form (e.g., Julius to Julia
            2. Seconda: the second
            3. Tertia: the third
          4. Created angst in the heart of women
      3. Feminist movement: backlash
        1. According to Juvenal, women joined in men's hunting expeditions "with spear in hand, breasts exposed, took to pig sticking"
        2. Women saw marriage and raising children as a restriction of their rights
          1. Resented bearing children for fear it would ruin the looks of the bodies
          2. Asserting their independence
          3. Leaving their husbands
          4. Leaving their homes
        3. Demanded jobs traditionally held by men
        4. Wore men's clothing and hairstyles
        5. Discarded all signs of femininity
      4. Culture that would not accept biblical model of the Christian family
    2. The Modern Western Culture
      1. Very similar in many ways to ancient culture
      2. Postwar/baby boomer era
        1. Husbands back from World War II went back to work
        2. Spending more time away from family to achieve the "American Dream"
        3. Culture more enamored with more stuff, money, and gadgets: materialism
      3. Growing sense of feminism
        1. Early American culture
          1. Women not allowed to vote
          2. No access to good education
          3. No access to good occupation
        2. During World War II women went to factory jobs vacated by men at war
        3. After war, women laid off
        4. Divorce rate sky-rocketed: doubled between 1965-1975
        5. Fallout
          1. Single-parent homes
          2. Single mothers working to pay bills, buy food, etc.
          3. Today, 68% of women with children under 18 are in the workforce
          4. 1960, 28%
          5. According to Megatrends for Women, 10% of American families are traditional families with husband as breadwinner and wife as caretaker
          6. "The family unit must go because it is the family that has oppressed and enslaved women."–Kate Millett, Sexual Politics
      4. Christians have an opportunity to let the ideal family—as written in the Bible—shine
  3. New Testament Instruction (Titus 2)
    1. The Wife's Relationship to Her Family
      1. Mature women
        1. Mothers and grandmothers
        2. Mentor and model of godliness
      2. Love husbands and children
        1. Husbands first
          1. Reminder of priorities
          2. When women become mothers, they may forget they are also a wife
        2. Love children: "The best gift you can ever give to your children is to love their father" –Josh McDowell
        3. Love
          1. Not ἀγαπάω; agapao, agape
          2. Φίλανδρος; philandros, phileo - love that involves emotion, friendship, delight in being together
          3. Love of a wife can cause her husband to blossom
          4. Bitterness of a wife can cause her husband to wither
      3. "If your Christianity doesn't work at home, it doesn't work. Don't export it."–Howard Hendricks
      4. Discreet: wise, common sense
      5. Chaste: holy, pure in thought and action
      6. In control of her role
        1. Problem in marriage: role reminding
        2. Instead of minding own role, telling spouse about theirs
        3. Memorize the other's role, while sometimes neglecting their own
      7. Good
      8. The Word of God not be blasphemed
        1. People are watching you
        2. For many, their only insight to Christianity is watching the marriage relationship
      9. Submission
        1. Like traffic, someone has to get in line behind the headship
        2. Husbands role: leadership
        3. Wife's role submissive to her husband
        4. Only a monster has two heads
        5. God the Father is the Head of Christ who submits to the Father
        6. Husband submits to Christ
        7. Wife submits to her husband
    2. The Wife's Relationship to Her Home: Homemaker
      1. Home
        1. Not her 24/7 dwelling
        2. Not her prison
        3. Her priority
      2. οἰκουργούς; oikourgous - keepers at home
        1. οἶκος; oikos: a house, household
        2. ἔργον; ergon: work, labor
      3. Focus of the wife's life is the home and family
  4. Old Testament Illustration (Proverbs 31)
    1. Her Description
      1. Given by a woman through her husband
        1. Shows a woman what she's to be like
        2. Shows a man what he's to look for
      2. Who can find?
        1. What is it that you value?
        2. How do you measure the worth of a woman?
        3. What traits and qualities give her value?
          1. Her appearance
          2. Her fashion
          3. Some men looking for virtual woman: Unreal expectations
      3. Bible emphasizes not the outward appearance but inward qualities
        1. God invented beauty
        2. Inward more important
        3. "Beauty is passing"
      4. Good not evil
        1. Has her husband's best interests at heart
        2. Doesn't want to defame him
        3. Keeps her vows
        4. His success is her joy
      5. Distaff: implement for sewing
      6. Can't do it all in a day
    2. Her Devotion
      1. Lifetime description
        1. Home is her priority, not her prison
        2. Letter to evangelist Gypsy Smith from mother of 12 who wanted to be a minister: "You already have a congregation of 12"
      2. True fulfillment comes from the supreme effort of giving all she can to the home: Hard Work
      3. The payoff
        1. What goes around, comes around
        2. If you invest your life in your home and husband during the first half, they will appreciate it later
      4. Husband will be respected and esteemed because of what you've made him
      5. Fictitious letter from God to women:
        "When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.
        When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.
        But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate.
        I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

        Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.
        From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life.
        I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do.

        Around this one bone, I shaped you....... I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.

        You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, the heart.
        His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.
        The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.

        Support man as the rib cage supports the body.
        You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be close to his side."

Greek terms: ἀγαπάω; agapao, agape - unconditional love; Φίλανδρος; philandros, phileo - love that involves emotion, friendship, delight in being together; οἰκουργούς; oikourgous - keepers at home; οἶκος; oikos: a house, household; ἔργον; ergon: work, labor
Publications referenced: Megatrends for Women, by Patricia Aburdene; Sexual Politics by Kate Millett
Figures referenced: Benjamin Franklin; Josh McDowell; Howard Hendricks; Gypsy Smith
Cross references: Proverbs 14:1

Transcript

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Father as we begin, I want to pray specifically for the women.  The family is yes, the husband is yes, the children yes, but the women who are within earshot of this message, who have gathered here today, some are broken, some are not, some are struggling, some are doing well. But we pray Father, that you would strengthen their hand to be everything that you have for them to be in this life. We pray Lord that you would give them strength to hear this message.  We've been dealing with so many topics during these series and many more to come. As we narrow our focus down the day a bit more, I pray for great grace. We are so thankful for the women who have given their lives to love a family, to love their children, in Jesus name Amen.

I will say that I'm a bit reserved in giving a message like this today and being a homemaker for obvious reasons, but I will say that I had a great mom who has a good example. She was a Registered Nurse but she spent our formative years raising the children being all about the home. And then later on, when we were in school and could get about a little bit by herself, she took a part-time job to make a little extra income just for her family. And then, I had a wife who was totally devoted to me and to our son, so I have some pretty good role models as well as the word of God to stand on this morning.

There was a man who was 80 years of age and he went to his doctor for a check up. The doctor was amazed that how good of health this 80-year-old man was in.  And so the doctor in the middle of the examination said, "Tell me your secret. You have the body of a 60-year-old, and you're 80 years old.  What's your secret?"  The old man said, "Well Doc, when I was young, first married to my wife, we made an agreement that if she was about to loose her temper, then she would go to the kitchen and I would just hang out on the back porch until that episode was over.  And if it looked like I was going to loose my temper that I would immediately retreat to the back porch and she knew that was her signal to just stay in the kitchen."

So the doctor said, "Okay.  I don't get it.  What does that have to do with how physically fit you are?" And the old man said, "Well, Doc, you might say I've lived an outdoor life."

(Laughter)

The secret to a good marriage isn't going outside to the back porch but going all in, in working through the minutiae, the details, the roles, and the responsibilities of a relationship.  It's getting your heart in the home. You know the old saying "Home is where your heart is." That's a saying that simply means that because of our memories and affections, we have longings toward the home if you had a good home growing up or the idea to replicate that home life that brought you such a sense of security. But that's not always the case, there are forces in our world that are out to actually destroy the home and your longing toward it.

We want to talk about some of that today. Where is your heart as a husband? Where is your heart as a wife? Because if your heart is in the home, it doesn't matter what you have, it matters whom you have. It's all about the relationships. It's not about the stuff.

Benjamin Franklin had a cute little saying, he said, "A little house well filled, a little garden well tilled, and a little wife well willed, are great riches." Great riches indeed!

Today, I talk to you about the role of a homemaker. What Proverbs 31 calls an excellent wife, what the new King James calls a virtuous wife, the NIB puts it, a wife of noble character. You heard what was in the video just a moment ago. The Proverb that was quoted Proverbs 14, "A wise woman builds her home, a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."

What I want to look at with you today from Titus and from Proverbs 31 are three things about the home and a homemaker, the opposition, the instruction, and the illustration. There has been an ease, forces of opposition against the whole idea of the home and being a homemaker.  It's not seen as a glorious occupation anymore.  Number two, the New Testament instruction -- what has the Bible have to actually say about that? And number three, is there an illustration we can look at that sort of sums it all out, that will occupy your time together.

Now in Titus, let me just give you the background. Titus was a young Gentile non-Jewish convert presumably who came to Christ because of Paul, the Apostle and his influence, and he became a worker with Paul. Paul sends him to get in order the churches on an island called "Crete". Some of us were at the island of Crete a few months ago. And it was great to read the Epistle to Titus on that island. Paul then sends a letter to Titus living on Crete and gives him sort of the social spiritual order of the Christian Family and Christian Leader. So, he talks about the roles and responsibility of spiritual leadership than the roles and responsibilities of an older man, older women, younger men, younger women, the family, which was totally unknown in that Pagan culture.

And so, we turn to Titus Chapter two, beginning in verse one. But as for you speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine, that the older men maybe sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things -- that day the older women admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discrete, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

I want to begin with the idea of opposition, because Paul was writing these words in a very Pagan culture and the new converts did not have any ideal or model to follow except these words.

Here's what's interesting in the ancient world 2000 years ago in Roman and Greece "Greco Roman Culture".  There were two extremes in the family. On one hand, you had male chauvinism. On the other hand, you had Pagan feminism. Both were strong forces that that culture was aware of. Okay, by and large, men 2000 years ago where autocratic. Roman man could be tyrants, because there was actually a law that was written for the Roman man called the "Patria Potestas" or the absolute rule of the husband/father in an ancient Roman family. He was in charge of the lives, in the affairs completely of his family.

Roman Law enabled that man, if you wanted to sell his family office slaves, or to enact capital punishment on his wife and his own children. A wife was tantamount to a slave back then. In fact, Roman men had categories, social categories. And one of them is called "imbecilitas" or "imbecile", someone who is weak-minded and weak-bodied. The Roman placed his wife in that category.  So you can see what she was up against.

In the Greco-Roman culture, women were not included in the census figures when the census was taken. In fact, Roman women many times, didn't even bear their own names. But rather assumed the name of her father in a feminine form. For example, if her father happened to be named Julius, like in Julius Caesar, she was simply given a name "Julia."

And if that family happened to have another daughter, she was named "Secunda" or the second, just given a number. If they had another daughter, she was named "tertia" or the third. So women were low esteemed in that time. Now, at the same time, all of that was happening, that created a real angst in the hearts of many women, so that a feminist movement actually grew up in ancient Roam, as a backlash for that.

One of the authors named Juvenile, a Roman, wrote that women were joining man in hunting expeditions, "with sphere in hand, breast exposed, and took too pigsticking or boar hunting." And that, women saw marriage and raising children as a restriction of their rights, that they resented bearing children for fear with spoil, the looks of their bodies. They were asserting their independence leaving their husbands, leaving their homes. They demanded jobs traditionally held by men, wore a man's clothing and hairstyles, and discarded all signs of femininity.

I'm bringing that up so that you know that when Paul wrote these words, he was dealing with a culture that would not accept that model of a Christian family. And support you understand that, because a lot of people say, "Well, Paul wrote so long ago in a culture that was really different in our culture." Not really! Our culture today so advanced, was very similar in many ways to the ancient culture.

Now, let's fast forward to today. And if you don't mind, I'd like to start with my own experience and when I was born. I'm a baby boomer. That means, when I grew up I watch shows like Leave It to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriet, My Three Sons, Gilligan's Island and My Mother the Car.

So it's very, very different era than it is today. However, what we are today is largely because of what we were back when I was born. I was born in the postwar, baby-boom generation, living out the American dream, two cars in every garage and a washing machine in every home. That's what people live for. Husbands who had come from World War II, my dad being one of them, went back to work largely because of the GI Bill, which made jobs available for man who had come back from battle.  And husbands were spending more and more time away from their families to achieve that American Dream, because after the ‘50s, during that time and afterwards, we became very enamored with more stuff, more money, more gadgets, a bent toward materialism, making husbands, fathers my own, included spending a lot more time away from the family, giving those things that the family wanted.

Now, while all that was happening, there was a growing sense of feminism in the United States of America, because after all in the early part of our culture, women were not allowed to vote. They didn't have access to good education.  They didn't have access to good occupations. The one exception is being min World War II, when many women went back to the factory jobs that their husband vacated because they went off to war. But as soon as the war was over and the husbands came home, do you know that the government almost virtually shot all of that down in an instant? They were suddenly laid off having to go back to work as a homemaker, while their husbands took their job again. All of those forces did something to the fabric of the American Family. It strained it.

And a consequence, the divorce raised went sky-high. Did you know -- get this. Between 1965 and 1975, the divorce rate in America doubled. In just 10 years, the divorce rate doubled.  Then, we have the fall out of that. Single-parent homes, single mothers working hard just to pay off the apartment payment and to buy food for the family.

So look at where we are today according to Time Magazine, 68% of women with children under 18 are in the workforce. That's in contrast to 1960, it was 28%. Twenty-eight percent then, 68% now.  According to megatrends for women, the traditional family with the husband is the bread winner. The homemaker wife and children now accounts for only 10% of American families.  Back in the 1960s, a radical feminist by the name of "Kate Millett", you may recognize here name, wrote a book called Sexual Politics, in which she wrote, "The family unit must go." The family unit must go, why?  She says because it is the family that has oppressed and enslaved women."

So, what was happening in Paul's day and was is happening in our day, though 2000 years removed, really dynamically, culturally isn't all that different. What that means was as we, as Christians, have a great opportunity to let the ideal of the family as written in the Bible shine. We can put this family to work in our own lives and shine that example in our culture. So that's the opposition.

Let's go to the instruction. And I draw your attention more closely beginning in verse three. He says, "The older women likewise that they be reverent in behavior, holy, not slanderers, not given much wine, teachers of good things, that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discrete, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands -- that the word of God may not be blasphemed."

Notice he speaks to mature women, mothers, grandmothers that they become the ones that mentor, model, teach godliness, not unforgiveness, not avarice, not lewdness, godliness.  And first on the list that older women are to say to the younger women is, "Hey, hey! Love your husbands and your children."  I noticed something that I never noticed before on looking at the text. Paul placed his loving the husband first. I think it's a gentle reminder of priorities, because here is what happen so often when young women become mothers, suddenly they have children out, they forget they're also a life. And they should love their children certainly. They are going to all about that, but don't forget that your first relationship before you had children was the husband.

Love your husbands, love your children.  I remember Josh McDowell said to young women, "The best gift you can ever give to your children is to love their father." The best gift you can ever give to your children is to love their father.  Now, he uses the word "love". You've heard me toss Greek around enough to know probably what you think that word is in Greek. When he says love -- what do you think it is? Agape. See, I tricked you. Truly, it's not agape. And I did that on purpose. Because the word that Paul uses for love your husband isn't that word that he says God loves us with or we're to love brothers and sisters with, but it's the word "phileo", which is a word that involves the emotional dimension, a friendship love, the delight in being together.

The lovable wife can cause a husband to blossom. The bitterness of a wife can cause a husband to wither. Howard Hendrick said, "If your Christianity doesn't work at home, it doesn't work, don't export it. It all begins in the crucible of the home." Older women, the message you have for a younger women is they are to love, delight to be together with, have emotional dimension and friendship with their husbands first and their children, second.

And then, at verse five to be discrete. It simply means to be wise. Wise-up, use common sense. The word chaste -- the next word means holy pure, be purified, pure in action. In other words, he is describing a woman who is in control of her role. She is in control of her role.

One of the biggest problems I've discovered in marriages is something called role reminding. Do you know what I'm talking about, role reminding?  Let me remind you of your role. That's role reminding. Instead of me owning my role, let me tell you about your role. Yeah, I know it says that I should do this, but it says you should do that. I want to remind you of that. That's role reminding. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to do this, but you're supposed to do that. Isn't it interesting that we have memorized the other person's role? Sometimes, we're neglecting our role.

Now, we talked about husbands and believe me, we'll talk more about them especially next time. But notice what it says here. Discrete, chaste, homemakers -- I'm going to leave that for just a moment. Good, obedient or submissive, we've discussed that to their own husbands that the word of God may not be blast fame, people are looking at you, and watching how you relate to each other. And for many unbelievers, the only insight they get into what it's like to be a Christian is watching your marriage relationship.

When I first moved to Albuquerque, I sort to thought that the state flower was the orange cone, the traffic cone. You laugh because you know exactly where I'm coming from. I saw it everywhere. I thought, "Boy, they really like those orange things here a lot." And this summer, I've noticed that there is a lot of road working. There are some freeways. We have four lanes and then, they narrow into three lanes, and then into two lanes and then one lane. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know how frustrating that is?  Here is the problem I discovered. It's that other drivers think their car should be in front of my car as it narrows down. And so, we're both going toward the narrow -- the one lane. And one of us are going to have to get back in line behind the other one, so we don't crash.

Now, that's how a marriage relationship is. Yes, the husband should prefer his wife. Yes, the wife she prefer her husband, but in some point, so you don't crash, somebody has to get behind the other one.  And the role of the husband in the marriage is a leadership role, a headship role, the role of a wife in a marriage is a submissive role that doesn't mean your husband is always right. You're thinking, "Boy, don't I know that. I know that to be true." But, it means he is always responsible. And you're going to come to an impasse where the cars are coming together, cars are coming together. There is going to be a crash and you're going to have to say, "I'm going to get behind him. I'm going to support him.  I'm going to love him." I think he is making the wrong call on this but that's his responsibility, not mine. And you might think, "Well, I'm kind of end of a dual headship thing." There could be two heads. There could be two heads. That's called a monster. A monster has two heads.

If you don't want your marriage looking like a horror film, forget the dual headship thing.

God, the Father is the head of Christ who submits to the Father, and the husband submits to Christ, the wife submits to the husband.  That's the order. That will make things flow smoothly, discrete, chaste -- look at the next word, homemakers. Now, please don't read something into that that's not there. Oh, boy! Here it comes! Barefoot and pregnant! My whole life, stay-at-home. It does not mean that the home is to be your 24/7 dwelling, that you are there all the time. It doesn't mean that the home is to be your prison. It simply means, ladies, the home is to be your priority.  The word homemaker is "oikourgos" in the Greek, from two words "oikos," which means house and "ergon," which means work.  It simply means one who is devoted to that. It doesn't speak of labor in general, but a job in particular, or the focus of an occupation. In other words, it is God's design that the focus of the life's light beyond the home.

She pours her life into that family. And some women pour so much, so much into a family. And they are not seeing a lot of returns right now. And it's very, very difficult. Let me tell you a story and it's a true story. There was a husband. He was not a Godly man, married to a Godly Christian woman. This guy was out of the bar one night with his buddies, slamming him down, slamming him down and he made a wager with his buddies. He said, "I'll tell you what, I'll bet you that we could go home right now at any time but let's do it tonight. Wake my wife out of bed and she'll cook a meal for us and she won't complain once."  They said, "Dude, you're on."  They shook. They made a bet, I don't know how much.

Well, he staggered into his house about 2am to 2:30 in the morning, woke his wife out of bed, she came out in her bathrobe with a smile, cooked a meal for his buddies and they were just flabbergasted.  They said, "We got to tell you something quite honestly.  We made your husband a bet tonight.  He said that this would happen. We said no way it would happen." And then, one of them said who had a little more clear thinking, he didn't drink as much that night. He said, "How do you put up with that guy?  Actually, "How could you put up with any of us guys," he should have said. "How do you put up with that guy? You're so gentle, you're so kind. You did this without complaining." Here was her answer. She said, "I am a Christian woman. I know that my stay here on this earth won't be long, that I have the joys of heaven awaiting me forever. My husband is not a Christian. His future is so black and dismal in hell. I thought that I would make him as happy as I could while he is still here."

You know that after a while, after a few months, out of conviction for hearing that and watching his wife's consistent love and support, that man became a believer.  I think that's the idea behind 1 Peter. The day without a word maybe one by the behavior of their wives. That's the instruction. It's basic. Just women, older women teach and mentor younger women to love husbands, to love wife, to be discrete, wise, pure, homemakers, to devote themselves to the priority of building up the home life.

Now, turn it with me to Proverbs 31. We'll bring this to its highlight and conclusion. In proverbs 31, the Old Testament illustration. Now, this describes being a homemaker in Old Testament times. And before any of you think, "Oh, great!" More words to women from man about how to do it right. If you're thinking that, you got it wrong. I want to draw you attention to Proverbs 31, verse 1, notice it says the words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him. These aren't men's words here.  It's a guy writing everything his mom taught him.  These are words from a woman through a man on the page as scripture. Why are they included in the Book of Proverbs? For two reasons, to show a woman what she is to be like and to show a man what he is to look for. And so, he writes this. Verse 10, "Who can find a virtuous wife or a life of noble character or an excellent wife, for her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trust her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Verse 10 is the million dollar question, isn't it? Or, should we say the million shack of question.

Who can find the virtuous wife? In other words, what is it that you value to say that woman is so worthy?  I want her as my wife. Who can find a virtuous wife? How do you measure the worth of a woman, what traits? What qualities give her value? Some men would say her appearance. Okay, that might be the first hook, but what else? Well, the way she dresses and carries herself, her fashion, her sense of fashion.  Okay, you better keep going, because if that's it, you're in trouble. I've discovered that some men aren't looking for the virtuous woman. They're looking for the virtual woman. When that really doesn't exist? Except in their minds, not virtuous, virtual.  And some guys have a list of what they are looking for. And if you notice, how like unreal it is?  I like somebody who is like a professional model, maybe she's on the cover of Vogue magazine, that'd be cool. An Olympic athlete you know faster than a speeding bullet, the IQ of an Albert Einstein, the high degree of education, really?

First of all, if you ever find that woman, dude, why on earth would she want to hang out with you?  What do you got going on?  So here is what you notice and I want you to notice it, when the Bible talks about these women, the emphasis isn't on the outward appearance though God invented it. He invented beauty but the emphasis is always on the inward. It's not down on the outward. It's just that the inward is more important and you know why the emphasis is on the inward?  Look with me at Verse 30, charm is deceitful and beauty is what, passing. Beauty is passing. It's called gravity.  Am I right?  It happens to all of us. Beauty is passing but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

In verse 12, it says, "She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." In other words, here is a gal who has his -- her husband's best interest at heart. She wants to encourage him and strengthen him. She doesn't want to defame him in public or in the privacy of the family. She keeps her vows for better or for worse, kind of forget that at the wedding, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, till death do us part. His success is her joy. Now, buckle your seat belts.

Verse 13, "She seeks wool, and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maid servants. She considers a field and buys it. And from her profits, she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, the implement for sawing, and her hand holds the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor.  Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all of her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself.  Her clothing is fine linen in purple. Her husband is known in the gates while he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments sales them, and supplies sashes for the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness."

Well, can I just tell you, it's exhausting to just read that! Let alone and how on earth women could you ever do that. Let me say it first of all, you can't do that in a day. He is not giving the 24-hour description of the virtuous wife. He is giving a lifetime zone into a character of a woman. This is a woman over time.

Now, granted back on those days, women did have to grind their own meal and sew their own clothes and work in the fields with their husband as well as tend the children. It was much more difficult. But the idea here is not talking about do all this. Otherwise, you're not a virtuous wife. He is simply saying here is a woman who over the long hole did all of these things like in verse 13, the kids were younger. She is busy cooking, weaving, making clothes in that culture. Then, as the kids grow up she started a small business out of her home that saluted too in a few places including verse 24.

Later on, she takes savings from that business and invested in the real state market, verse 16.  So once again, being devoted to the home is her occupation, her focus, her priority. It doesn't mean she is a prisoner. It's her priority.  The great story about the evangelist named Gypsy Smith. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of him, but back in the 1800s early 1900s in England, sort of extravagant evangelist, Gypsy Smith who traveled around and do crusades.  On one crusade, the people that came forward was a woman, a mother. And she was radically converted and she wrote a letter to the evangelist saying, "Mr. Smith, I feel cold to the ministry, to be a preacher, to be a teacher. I feel like I have a gift. The only problem, I have 12 children. I sense this call of God in my life but I have 12 children, what do I do?" He tenderly graciously wrote this letter back, "My dear lady, I am happy to hear that you have been saved and feel called to preach. But I'm even more delighted to know that God has already provided you with the congregation of 12."

That's a wise response.  Because you see, the barometer of what a woman can do besides the home, will depend upon ages of the children, needs of the children, needs within that home, all of that will dictate determining if she can take on task other like the Proverbs 31, woman, who did take another test at the different stages of family life.

But let's sum it up. It's summed up in verse 27. She waxes over the ways of her household that is she's in constant surveillance of her families needs. And she does not eat the bread of idleness.  She realizes the true fulfillment will come from the supreme effort of giving all that she can to the home. And you're thinking, I see two words skip, hard work. But please, look at verse 28. Here's the payoff. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also and he praises her. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all, he would say. Charm is deceitful, beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the gates.

We have a saying, "What goes around comes around." Women Verse 28, is the return on your investment. If you invest your life in your home, in your husband, in your children, I'll put it this way. If will spend the first half of your life investing in your children, the second half of your life, you will see the return on the investment. They will rise up and call you the blessed one who gave your life for them all of those years. They may not appreciate it right now, but they will. Moreover, you may have a husband who will also rise up and say you're one of a kind. You're one of a kind, because you will have a man who is respected and esteemed because of what you've made him.  I think that's the idea behind verse 23, her husband is known in the gates, the place of respect, honor. When he sits among the elders of the land. In other words, this woman created a world for her husband so that he can be everything God wanted him to be, and that's the return on the investment.

I want to close with the letter, it's not a biblical letter, it's a fictional letter, fictitious letter, but it's based upon the biblical text that we have looked at, very short. If God were to write a letter to women, it might read this way. When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breath the breath of life into man, because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed the deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. I like that. From one bone, I fashioned you, the bone that protects man's life, I chose the rib which protects his heart and lungs and supports him as you are meant to do.

Around this one bone, I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong, yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in the man, the heart. The heart is the center of his being. His lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support the man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet to be under him. You were not taken from his head to be above him. You were taken from his side to stand beside him, and to be close to his side. As you protect the heart of your children and your husband that one day, rise up and call you blessed. And it says, in the end, give her the fruit of her hands.  Can I just say I want to give the fruit of my hands, women, for all that you've done for us!

(Applause)

Father, we pray for these dear ladies, for many of them, it's been tough. Many of them have even forced themselves out of a relationship, forced to provide for children and themselves. And it's very difficult to balance their life. Give them great grace and give them people who can help them out and help raise their children and mentor their children. Strong men and women as examples, as mentors in this fellowship to do exactly that. We pray Lord for those men and women who are married and have children and they're all together in one home. We pray Lord that that home would be a reflection of the love Jesus has for a very imperfect church that has an imperfect man and imperfect woman. A union of two forgivers as they work out the issues of their life, pour the sound of your grace in it, that the word of God may not be blasphemed, that the glory and honor of Jesus Christ can be seen to our humble love and forgiveness of one another.

We pray that you would help us avoid collisions in creating monsters out of relationships. Again, we ask for your grace to do that, and we believe that week by week you're perfecting us and molding and shaping us. Do that through the series. And for men and women Lord, who don't yet have a personal relationship with you yet, I pray they would come to know you personally. Lord, you formed us, you fashioned us, and you want to fulfill us. First, you must redeem us. And so I pray Lord that some today would say yes to Jesus, it's in his name we pray, Amen.

Additional Messages in this Series

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6/10/2012
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No Man Is An Island
Genesis 2:18-22
Skip Heitzig
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Welcome to a new series! If you're presently not married, don't tune out! You may be someday and it will be worth the investment to listen and learn. If you are married, this will provide needed affirmation of your marriage vows. Let's make a deal—let's decide that it's not enough to just survive in our marriages; let's aim to thrive in them. To do that, we have to revisit God's original design and plan for this foundational relationship.
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6/17/2012
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The First Wedding
Genesis 2:23-25
Skip Heitzig
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Today we go back in time to the first wedding—the prototype. The Divine Architect had something specific in mind when He established marriage. Before the days of ancient polygamy, before the days of male chauvinism and neo-feminism, before the days of no-fault divorce and pre-nuptial agreements was the simplicity of God and His creation. There He brought a man and woman together. What did He want this relationship to be like?
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6/24/2012
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Trouble In Paradise
Genesis 3:1-20
Skip Heitzig
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One pundit said, "'And they lived happily ever after' is one of the most tragic sentences in literature. It's tragic because it tells a falsehood about life and has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence that is not possible on this fragile, failing, imperfect earth." Even in Eden, Adam and Eve didn't live happily ever after. The fall of man into sin brought repercussions that are still felt today.
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7/1/2012
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Gender Wars
Genesis 1-3
Skip Heitzig
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"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" reads a popular book title. The genders are different from each other; we were designed that way. Today we consider that design and how it became marred. This section of Scripture helps us understand the roots of chauvinism and feminism, both of which have added confusion to our culture. It also helps us understand the roles God gave to men and women, and how they work today.
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7/8/2012
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Friends with Benefits
Matthew 22:37-40
Nate Heitzig
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No matter how you view dating, finding the right mate can be tricky. What should you be looking for in a potential spouse? How can you know that this is God's best for you? Though the Bible is silent about dating per se, it says a lot about how we are to treat one another and what our priorities ought to be. These principles play a major factor in the success of dating relationships—and marriages. Let's open our Bibles to Matthew 22:37-40 for guidance in playing the sometimes challenging dating game.
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7/15/2012
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The Hardest Word in a Marriage
Ephesians 5:22-24
Skip Heitzig
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Some people would consider submission to be as bad as a four-letter word. But that’s because they don’t understand it. God’s plan is always the best plan. He designed your life to be one that is fulfilling and rewarding. Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). For that to happen, we must function within the guidelines of His will in the relational roles we occupy. Today we look at the basic role of a wife in a marriage relationship.
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7/22/2012
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The Storm-Proof Shelter of a Husband's Love
Ephesians 5:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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OK men, it's our turn today—God's blueprint for husbands is in view here. God's plan is for a man's love to become a strong shelter for his wife. The kind of love the Bible directs a husband to have is the kind that makes it easy for a woman to submit to. In fact, I believe the husband holds the key to a flourishing relationship by his initiating and cultivating love.
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7/29/2012
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Strength and Honor
Hebrews 13:4
Levi Lusko
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From crude advertising campaigns to raunchy entertainment, sex has been taken captive to a mindset of dishonor and shame. In truth, sex is a gift from God. He knows best how it can be fully enjoyed—within the marriage relationship. As we ponder the biblical principles of honor and integrity, we gain a deeper understanding of God's plan for purity before marriage and a vibrant sex life afterward.
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8/12/2012
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Needed: Real Men!
Joshua 24:1-15
Skip Heitzig
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The definition of what a real man is will vary from person to person, background to background, and ideology to ideology. But one thing is certain: A man who really is godly and really is a spiritual leader and really serves his family is RARE! Today we consider the aged leader of the ancient Hebrew nation, who was calling on the men of his generation to become real men. Joshua instructed those men to do three things.
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8/19/2012
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How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse - Part 1
Proverbs 5
Skip Heitzig
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Being intimate with someone involves more than just sex. Intimacy is a sense of caring and affection in which one can be totally vulnerable without the fear of being hurt or misunderstood. Intimacy is essential if a marriage is going to thrive. How about your marriage? Do these following three elements that foster intimacy exist in your marriage?
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8/26/2012
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How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse - Part 2
Proverbs 5:15-21; Song_of_Solomon 1:1-7:13
Skip Heitzig
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For a majority of married couples, the word enduring sums up their nuptial experience. But let me offer another word, the idea of which comes straight from Scripture itself: It’s the word enjoying. For those of you who merely endure your marriage, you could enjoy it. Using two of the writings of King Solomon, we will explore four areas that healthy married couples could and should be experiencing enjoyment in.
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9/2/2012
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Weeds of Unfaithfulness in the Garden of Love
Matthew 5:27-30
Skip Heitzig
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A wise sage once remarked, "Passion is like fire and water—they are good servants but bad masters!" Sexual passion is like that, and every married couple needs to tend the garden of their love very carefully. That means pulling out the weeds that could lead to unfaithful behavior. Many a marriage has been burned in the fire of adultery or flooded with inordinate passion. Let's consider how our marriages can stay "adultery proof."
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9/9/2012
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Faith Walkin' and Tongue Talkin'
James 3:1-12
Gino Geraci
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Who or what controls your speech? Like a mighty ship that is controlled by a small rudder, our tongues are a small member with great power. Our speech is being controlled either by the Lord or it is being controlled by our own anger, bitterness, and selfishness. When Jesus is in control, we do not have to fear what is going to leak out between our teeth. In our text this week, we learn to be wary that we don't offend with our tongue.
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9/30/2012
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Short Fuse for the Long Haul!
Ephesians 4:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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How can couples have a good fight? Let's face it, there are good fights and there are bad ones. And anger only complicates things. Since marriage is a "long haul" commitment and some people have a "short fuse," there are four principles you need to know in order to fight fair. Moreover, disagreements can actually strengthen your relationship. How?
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10/7/2012
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Partners for Life
Psalm 1:1-6; Malachi 3:6-10
Bob Shank
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When couples marry, they form a partnership where they each agree to cooperate for their mutual interests—it's a partnership between a husband and a wife. But, there is a third party in that partnership—God. Each person's personal relationship with Jesus should be as active and as powerful as their relationship with each other. In this study, we see how we can improve our partnership with God and ensure His blessing on our lives, and we receive concise teaching on what God means when He tells us to test Him regarding our finances.
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10/14/2012
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Have a New You by Friday
Dr. Kevin Leman
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Guest speaker Dr. Kevin Leman provides insights for making changes in our marriages and our families. How do we change our behavior? By deciding to act differently! Let’s give 100% of ourselves to God—He is worth nothing less.
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10/21/2012
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In Sickness and in Health
Job 1-2
Skip Heitzig
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Couples who marry begin their relationship with a verbal contract of wedding vows. They are happy and eager to repeat the familiar "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health," but most fail to read the fine print of those negative possibilities. Today we will consider what happens in a marriage when health issues become the issue.
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10/28/2012
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The Most Important Job in the World
Ephesians 6:4
Skip Heitzig
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What job could possibly be more important to the world than a parent? A surgeon, lawyer, president, pastor, or economist? Nope! Think of a parent's influence: Every word and deed of a parent becomes a fiber woven into the character of a child that ultimately determines how that child fits into the fabric of society. But children can both unify a marriage relationship and challenge it. Let's pull some principles out of Ephesians 6:4 to see how to "Keep Calm" while raising kids.
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11/4/2012
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In-laws or Outlaws?
Genesis 28-31
Skip Heitzig
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When two people get married, they don't simply marry each other; they marry into an extended family consisting of mother-in-law, father-in-law, and perhaps even sister-in-law and brother-in-law. These in-laws come in all sizes and shapes, and all personalities, and there is the potential for these in-laws to become outlaws to the married couple. Today we explore that relationship and see pitfalls to avoid as well as practices to apply.
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11/11/2012
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The Unequal Yoke
2 Corinthians 6:11-18; 1 Peter 3:1-22
Skip Heitzig
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There is a hybrid relationship we haven’t talked out yet—the unequally yoked marriage: when one spouse is a believer while the other is an unbeliever. Such a relationship can occur for a whole number of reasons and can provide a whole host of challenges. But it can also be managed, and done so well: with grace and great success. Let’s consider this relationship today.
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11/18/2012
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Are You Building a House or a Home?
Psalm 127
Skip Heitzig
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John Henry Jowett wrote, “Anyone can build a house: We need the Lord for the creation of a home.” There’s a huge difference between the construction of these two: One is built with earthly materials and anxious thoughts; the other is the result of strong relationships. As we conclude our series today, consider how you’re planning for the future.
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There are 21 additional messages in this series.
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