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In Sickness and in Health
Job 1-2
Skip Heitzig

Job 1 (NKJV™)
1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil.
2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him.
3 Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.
4 And his sons would go and feast in their houses, each on his appointed day, and would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them.
5 So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, "It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." Thus Job did regularly.
6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them.
7 And the LORD said to Satan, "From where do you come?" So Satan answered the LORD and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it."
8 Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?"
9 So Satan answered the LORD and said, "Does Job fear God for nothing?
10 "Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.
11 "But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!"
12 And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person." So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.
13 Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house;
14 and a messenger came to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them,
15 "when the Sabeans raided them and took them away--indeed they have killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
16 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, "The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
17 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, "The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the camels and took them away, yes, and killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
18 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, "Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house,
19 "and suddenly a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people, and they are dead; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
20 Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped.
21 And he said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."
22 In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.
Job 2 (NKJV™)
1 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the LORD.
2 And the LORD said to Satan, "From where do you come?" So Satan answered the LORD and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it."
3 Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil? And still he holds fast to his integrity, although you incited Me against him, to destroy him without cause."
4 So Satan answered the LORD and said, "Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life.
5 "But stretch out Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will surely curse You to Your face!"
6 And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, he is in your hand, but spare his life."
7 So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head.
8 And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes.
9 Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!"
10 But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
11 Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place--Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him.
12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven.
13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Keep Calm and Marry On

Couples who marry begin their relationship with a verbal contract of wedding vows. They are happy and eager to repeat the familiar "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health," but most fail to read the fine print of those negative possibilities. Today we will consider what happens in a marriage when health issues become the issue.

A Christian marriage is intended to portray Christ and His church to the world. But how do we ensure that our marriages live up to God's standards? God's Word contains what we need not only to flourish, but to overcome the emotional, societal, and spiritual attacks we face in our marriages. In this series, Pastor Skip Heitzig covers various scriptural texts to give us the biblical view on marriage. From dating to dealing with in-laws; from anger management to managing your finances; from conflict resolution to delightful sexual relations, this powerful series will provide the tools you need to strengthen your home and relationships.

FREE - Download Entire Series (MP3) (Help) | Buy series | Buy audiobook

Outline

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  1. Sickness is Universal—It's Common to Mankind

  2. Sickness Feels Personal—It's Confined to "Me"

  3. Sickness Can be Detrimental—It Complicates a Marriage

  4. Sickness Should be Helpful—It Carries Deeper Meaning

Some Further Resources:
Rest Ministries - An online source for information on living well with chronic illness.
InvisibleDisabilities.org - Many suffer from an illness that doesn't manifest externally by many symptoms. As a result, they have a uniquely challenging experience. This website offers support and information for individuals with "invisible disabilities."
(Legal) advocacyforpatients.org - Legal issues often become important for patients with chronic illness or disabilities. This website provides information about rights of patients.

Detailed Notes

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  1. Introduction
    1. Three years ago Lenya and I took a journey
      1. Tickets on a train that you don't want to get on
      2. Doctor: "hmmm, I'd like to run more tests, today"
      3. Mass in abdomen
      4. Surgery
      5. Malignant
      6. Many months of chemo
      7. Always another check-up
      8. Sickness isn't what most of us think of when we get married
    2. Blog of young couple
      1. 22 months until the big day
      2. Then, Matt, diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer
      3. "God gave us peace"
      4. "This wasn't in our plans"
    3. Life is a series of getting used to things you never planned
    4. Every couple says those vows, "…in sickness and in health…"
    5. Not, as long as we're handsome, pretty, and rich
    6. Marriage vows are not just a present declaration, they are a future commitment
    7. Say, "I will," not "I do"
    8. See your marriage like the 20th floor of a building with no exits – fight the fire together
  2. Mr. and Mrs. Job
    1. Sickness is universal
      1. Some believe the book of Job is the oldest in the Bible
        1. All people have suffered, even good people, even God's good people
        2. Job is the oldest dude ever
      2. Job was the greatest, the largest, the heaviest (v. 3)
        1. Not in body type
        2. Weighty reputation
        3. Loved God, hated evil
        4. Compared to Daniel and Noah in (see Ezekiel 14)
        5. The example of perseverance (see James 5)
      3. No one deserved suffering less than Job
        1. It bothers us
        2. Why would a God of love allow that
        3. If God loves me, how could He allow that?
        4. Mary and Martha
          1. Lazarus sick (see John 11)
          2. Sent Jesus a note: "The one whom you love is sick" John 11:3
      4. Sickness shouldn't surprise us
        1. The man that Jesus loved was still a man
        2. It happens to everyone
        3. Dr. Walter Martin said, "Skip, we all die of our last disease"
        4. "Man is born to trouble…" Job 5:7 You can count on it
        5. Charles H. Spurgeon said, "The love of Christ does not separate us from the common necessities and infirmities of human life. Men of God are still men. The covenant of grace is not a charter of exemption from disease."
      5. Three tragedies struck the life of Job
        1. Terrorism
          1. The Sabeans (v. 15)
          2. The Chaldeans (v. 17)
        2. Natural disaster
          1. Fire of God (lightening) (v. 16)
          2. Great wind (v. 19)
        3. Disease, Job 2:7
          1. Leprosy? Elephantiasis?
          2. Don't care what you call it, it hurt
      6. One day happy then this
    2. Sickness feels personal
      1. It's very isolating
      2. Problem with typical reading of the book of Job
        1. We forget there was a Mrs. Job
        2. Both of them lost property, income, all their children
      3. Mrs. Job becomes the caregiver
        1. When sickness strikes it effects everyone in the family
        2. Each feels like they are experiencing it and no one else understands what they are dealing with
        3. Suffering is so all absorbing that you are the only one you think about when it happens
      4. The key is to move from the personal to the practical
        1. Communicate feelings to everyone else in the family
        2. Communicate expectations  
        3. Put together a plan
        4. A good counselor can help move the family along
      5. Job had bad counselors (see Job 16:2)
        1. At first they were great—they didn't say anything – that is helpful
        2. The ministry of presence – just listen
        3. Then they began to talk and they made him feel more and more isolated
        4. One sufferer's words
        5. Walk softly around a broken heart
    3. Sickness can be detrimental
      1. When one spouse gets sick, things get complicated (see Job 2:9)
      2. The tension could be cut with a knife
      3. Mrs. Job has suffered more than anyone else in Scripture at the hands of preachers and expositors
        1. Augustan labeled her the devil's advocate
        2. John Chrysostom labeled her the devil's best scourge
        3. John Calvin called her the embodiment of Satan
      4. She deserves fairer treatment
        1. She just lost 10 children in one day
        2. Her husband has a disease
        3. Though it's not right, this is an emotional reaction – an outburst that happens when tragedy piles up
        4. We are hard-wired to be emotional first and rational second
      5. Blaspheming God is bad advice
      6. He feels guilty that he's sick
      7. She, the caregiver, feels fearful of the future
      8. Stats – 75% of marriages with chronically ill spouses end in divorce
      9. New York Times article, oncologist, Dr. Marc Chamberlain, men are more likely to leave the marriage than women
      10. Practical advice to caregivers
        1. Stay healthy
          1. Eat right
          2. Exercise
          3. Get away and rejuvenate
        2. Stay social
          1. Have someone sit with your spouse
          2. Get out to Bible study
          3. Church
          4. Interact with other people
        3. Stay focused on the marriage relationship
          1. Read to them
          2. Walk with them if they can
          3. Watch a movie
          4. Call a friend on the phone together
          5. Nurturing and building up
    4. Sickness should be helpful
      1. I believe God is sovereign
      2. He would never allow ongoing sickness unless He has a deeper purpose (see Job 42:2)
        1. Humility – Paul said, "lest I be exalted above measure…" 2 Corinthians 12:7
        2. Purity – goldsmith puts gold in the fire (see 1 Peter 1:6-7)
        3. Dependency – prayer life gets really good when you suffer (see 2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
        4. Maturity – patience produces maturity (see James 1:3-4)
        5. He will use adversity and sickness to get you to maturity
        6. If every irritation and sickness were removed, you would be the most shallow individual on the face of the earth
  3. Closing
    1. 20-yeaf-old writes to his fiancée
    2. I am resolved!
    3. Christian love
    4. Classy way to say, "I love you!"
    5. I don't know what the future will hold…but, in sickness and health…I will

Publications referenced: New York Times
Figures referenced: Dr. Walter Martin, Charles H. Spurgeon, Augustan, John Chrysostom, John Calvin, Dr. Marc Chamberlain
Cross references: Job 5:7, 16:2, 42:2, Ezekiel 14, John 11, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, James 1:3-4, James 5, 1 Peter 1:6-7

Transcript

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Job Chapter 1, let's pray together.

Lord, as we sit here this morning, we have to say you have given us everything we need. Not everything we've wanted but everything we need and you know what we need. I thank of the words of Peter who said, "You've given us everything that pertains to life and to godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us."

Lord, you know what we need to hear. You know the path we're going to take. Wherever this week and month is going to lead us, we'll discover that you were there before we even got there and you prepared the way and prepared the resources to handle it.

I pray, Lord that in this marriage series that today's teaching, this installment that is rarely talked about from a pulpit will bring encouragement and resource in Jesus' name, amen.

Three and a half years ago, my wife Lenya and I took a journey that we never planned on taking. We joined a club we didn't want to join. It was a journey that would test the vows that we had taken so many years before, part of the vow saying, "In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish."

The best way I can describe it is it's like somebody handed you tickets to get on a train that you really didn't want to get on but they came to you out the blue and said, "Here's tickets. You're going on this train. You can't get off this train until it lets you off." because it felt like that.

When we went to the doctor and the doctor gave that quizzical doctor look. You know the kind I'm talking about and just said, "Uh-mm, I'd like to run more tests and I'd like to run them today." You know something is up. And he scheduled a regimen of testing to be done including a CAT Scan because he said, "Lenya, you have a mass in your abdomen the size of a grape fruit. It needs to be taken out."

The surgery was scheduled within a week and the mass was taken out. I was handling and we were going through that regimen of appointments, etcetera and I was doing okay until the doctor came out of surgery and he looked at me in the eyes and he said, "I think we got it all." But then he said, "But I want you to know it was malignant." And what that meant to us is that once the wound was healed, there would be a series of many months of chemotherapy. Some of you know what that is like. And then the day that's over, you see me in six months and then six months and then a year and there's always another check-up, always another check-up.

Most couples would tell you that sickness is somewhat they were thinking of when they shared their marriage vows with each other but doesn't come into their purview.

I was reading the blog of a young couple this week and she wrote, "We had been engaged for 13 months, with 22 days until the big day, when Matt, at age 23, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We could never have predicted this, with no history in the family and no smoking." Now in the blog she said, "God gave us peace. We believe He's in control." but she underscored, "This wasn't in our plans." Have you discovered that life is a series of getting used to things you never planned?

So every couple says those vows, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part." Everybody says them but I believe that very few consider what they are saying. Most couples, I think when they get married they only hear the better, richer, and health part of that promise. But you see, that's why we say vows. That's why we say promises to each other because though those vows are general, they're pretty comprehensive in scope. They cover any and every eventuality that could occur even until death do us part.

You see, married couples are never allowed to say, "I promise to love you as long as everything goes okay."

Or, "I promise to love you as long as you're pretty and I'm handsome and we make a combined income of over $75,000 a year." or "I promise to love you. But if we get ugly or poor or a disease strikes one of us, we're going to exchange our rings back, deal?" It doesn't work that way. It's a permanent commitment.

Marriage vows as you saw even in the video are more than a present declaration there, a future commitment that's why I always ask couples not to say "I do" but "I will." I do means now. I will means now and in the future. And some of you said your vows so long ago. So, what was future to you then is present to you now, today in the midst of some kind of suffering, some kind of challenge. For some it's financial, for others it's relational, for others it is health issues like what we want to talk about.

I think it's best if you see your marriage like the 20th floor of a building that has no exits so that if a fire breaks out on the 20th floor, there's no windows for you to jump out of, there's no skylights for you to climb through, there's no elevator or stair case that will take you to the bottom and get you out. If a fire breaks out on the 20th floor, you have one of two options; number one, burn to death. You let the problem consume you or number two, you fight the fire together. And the firestorm of health challenges can be pretty monumental.

I look over a congregation and some of you, I know by name and by face, and by circumstance. And I know that you have suffered in the area of health issues or you've lost love ones or you're dealing with that present life.

So, I've asked you to turn to Job Chapter 1 and 2 for this reason. I want to look at this through the lens of Mr. and Mrs. Job. We usually consider just one and that's him but there is a married couple involved here. And what happened to them is something that we can learn from.

So, I want to notice four principles in Job 1 and 2. The first is the most obvious, sickness is universal. It's universal. It's common to all mankind. Did you know that most Bible scholars consider the book of Job to be the oldest in the Bible? They fit Job in the times of the patriarchs which is between 2000 BC and 1000 BC chronologically for reasons that I don't have time to go through right now.

The Book of Job fits best after The Tower of Babel, Genesis 11 and before the Life of Abraham, Genesis Chapter 12. That means if that's true that Job is like one of the oldest dudes ever. And I bring that up to show you that suffering goes all the way back to the beginning, all people have suffered, all people at some time in their life have gotten sick even good people, even God's good people.

Job, Chapter 1 Verse 1, "There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job." I don't know where Uz is exactly. I have a clue but I don't know. "And that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and shunned evil. Seven sons and three daughters were born to him and his possessions were 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, 500 female donkeys and a very large household so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East." The word "greatest" would be better translated the largest or a better translation would be he was the heaviest.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking in terms of body type, thinking of some fat old dude named Job in a tent. But that wouldn't be the idea. The idea of this Hebrew word is that he had the heavy or weighty reputation. He was a man of integrity. He loved his God. He hated evil and people knew him with that weighty reputation. In fact, in the Bible, Job is compared to Noah and Daniel in Ezekiel Chapter 14. In the New Testament, he is seen as the example of perseverance, James Chapter 5.

All I'm about to say that no one deserves suffering less than Job. No one got it perhaps as much as Job did if you have suffered like Job has suffered and yet he was a godly man.

And this is what bothers us about the Book of Job. This is what unhinges us a little bit about reading this book. We don't like it because we're dealing with a guy who was a man of integrity, who loved God, who served the Lord, and yet he was stricken with disease and hardship. And it bothers us because typically whenever a problem like of this magnitude comes close to our lives, we typically say, "Why would a God of love allow that? How could God, if He loved me, allow that to happen?"

Do you remember Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus was sick? Jesus wasn't around. He was sick, look like he was going to die. They sent him a note. This is John Chapter 11. Remember what it said? "The one whom you love is sick." It's a very telling statement. "The one whom you love is sick. You love Lazarus, Jesus but the one you love is sick and it looks like he's going to die. Come quickly."

Sickness shouldn't surprise us even if when it strikes the ones that God loves because the man that Jesus loved was still a man. And if you look in scripture and you look throughout history and you look around, you understand that sickness is universal. It happens to everyone. I remember when Dr. Walter Martin who's now in heaven came and spoke here. He said, "Skip, we all die of our last disease." Very profound, isn't it? It will strike you eventually.

In Chapter 5 of Job, he will say, "Man is born to trouble as surely as the sparks fly upward." You can count on it. It's like a law of nature. Charles Haddon Spurgeon, one of my faves said "The love of Christ s does not separate us from the common necessities and infirmities of human life. Men of God are still men. The covenant of grace is not a charter of exemption from disease."

Three tragedies struck the life of Job. First was terrorism. If you look in Verse 15, it mentions, "The Sabeans raided them and took them away." verse 17, "The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the camels and took them away." These were nomadic tribes like Bedouin tribes who went out and raided there from the Saudi Arabian Peninsula and they went out in ancient times frequently to raid, to conquer and to plunder. That was the number one, terrorism.

Number two, natural disaster, what insurance companies call "acts of God." Look down to Verse 16, "The fire of God fell from heaven." That's probably a description of a lightning strike that hit the earth and a fire ensued. Verse 19, "A great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house." Quite a wind to knockdown a house.

Do you know that in this part of the world especially in the Arabian Peninsula, there's a wind called the "shemal." I did a little research on it. It can get so fierce that it can strip the paint off automobiles and we think you have it bad here in the spring, that's a wind. But it didn't just strip the paint off of the cars or the camels. It took the lives of Job's kids, all of them. In Chapter 1, die by terrorism and natural disaster. There's a third thing that happened to Job, disease.

Chapter 2 Verse 7, "So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 8 And he took for himself a potsherd." that little piece of broken pottery with sharp edges "With which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes." Now we don't know what disease he had. There's been several guesses by the medical community.

Some see it as the first stage of leprosy. Boils break out on the skin, that's the first manifestation of Mycobacterium leprae it is called, technical term. Others say it was a case of elephantiasis. I don't think Job cared what you called it. He just knew it hurt immensely so he went -- here's what I want you to get. From one day where life is good, you got the kids around, I'm eating a Falafel with my wife in the tent to I'm dazed and confused and I have this debilitating and life threatening disease, all of that to point through our first truth and that is sickness is universal. It's common to mankind.

The second truth is that though sickness is universal, sickness when it happens to you feels personal. It's very isolating. It's confined to me. Here's the problem I've discovered with our typical reading of the Book of Job. Most of us know what happens to Job and we consider him. But most of us forget that it also happened to Mrs. Job. They were a married couple. There is a mutual pain that happened. Think about this now.

Both of them lost property. Both of them lost income. Both of them lost all of their children. The pain that Job felt was the pain that Mrs. Job felt. There's a commonality and mutuality in this pain yet, on the other hand, it's very personal. Job comes down with the disease. Mrs. Job becomes the caregiver of one who has the disease. Now the pain is becoming more personal and more isolating. Here's the deal.

When sickness hits a family, everyone is affected not just the one who gets sick. And it feels very personal. They share the common experience but it touches each one differently. One maybe vocal, one maybe withdrawn, one may get angry, one make it whippy, still, another may be very positive and "We're going to work through this." but each one feels like they are experiencing it and no one else is quite like that.

So the caregiver, the Mrs. Job might say, "You don't understand how hard this is for me. I have to care for you 24/7." while the one with the sickness, in this case Job, could think, "Look, I'm the one with the disease. You don't understand how isolating this experience feels." See, that's the nature of suffering. It's so all absorbing that typically you are the only one you think about when it happens. You're carrying your own portion of the weight.

So here's the key. The key is to move from the personal to the practical. It's very personal. You have to move that to the practical. How do you do that? By communication. At some point, you have to communicate your feelings to every other person in that family system so that everyone understands how the others are coping with it, what the expectations are because some of those expectations are unrealistic and others are realistic.

You need to communicate that because decisions perhaps may have to be made about long term care. You may have to bring a nurse in. You might have to bring therapist in or you might have to make a decision about permanent care, a facility, a nursing home. But when there's clear communication and a clear plan that is understood by all and what our part, what our role is going to be in this, that moves it from the personal to the practical and that makes life more manageable. And a good counselor and a good friend can help that family manage through that.

I'll bring up a good counselor because in Chapter 2, Job has some friends that come and act as counselors. And the bulk of the book, the rest of the book is about their bad counsel. You got so bad that Job finally turn to them and said, "Miserable comforters are ye all. You came as my counselors, came as my friends but I consider you my frenemies. You're not really helping me out a lot."

But what I want you to know because we're not going to get into that is that at first, these friends, these counselors, these comforters were good. They were great. At first they were awesome and here's why.

They didn't say a single word. They just sat there and they listened and they watched. And can I just tell you that's helpful? There's something called the ministry of presence. You just show up. You don't have to say much. You can offer a prayer. You don't have to explain everything. You just listen. But Job's counselors didn't stop there. They opened their mouths and they spoke for chapter, after chapter, after chapter, after chapter, after chapter, after chapter. It's a long book, after chapter, after chapter. And with everything they said, Job felt more and more isolated, more personal, more withdrawn.

So, let me give a word to the well. If you're healthy and you're going to get around somebody who isn't, you don't have to explain everything to them. "Let me give you the theological reasons for the suffering of the world." Stop. It's not going to be helpful right now. Listen to the words of one who suffer, "I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God's dealings, and of why it happened, and of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. He said things I knew were true but I was unmoved, except to wish he'd go away. He finally did.

"Another came and sat beside me and He didn't talk much. He didn't ask leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply and left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go." Listen, it's easy to play Monday morning quarterback when somebody else is suffering but it's not helpful. Walk softly around a broken heart, a good friend will do that. Sickness is universal. Sickness feels personal.

Here's the third principle that we see in Job. Sickness can be detrimental because when one spouse gets sick, things get complicated in the relationship very quickly. Look at Chapter 2 Verse 9, "Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!" "Well, thank you, sweetheart."

But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" In all this, Job did not sin with his lips." You know what she's saying right? She's saying, "Would you quit being Mr. Holy here? Just get your life over with. God will probably strike you dead if you just blaspheme him and then you won't have to suffer."

You could have cut the tension in that tent with a knife. The dynamic between Mr. and Mrs. Job is very complicated. The sickness is detrimental to the relationship at this point. Now I just got to stop here for a moment. You heard what she said. Now I going to tell you that I think Mrs. Job has suffered more at the hands of preachers and expositors than perhaps anyone else in scripture. I'll give you an example.

Augustine, labeled her as diaboli ajutrix which means 'the "devil's advocate." John Cristostum said she's the devil's best scourge. "Why did the devil leave him this wife?" he asks, "Because he though her a good scourge by which to plague him more acutely than by any other means." Wonder what John Cristostum's marriage was like. The reformer John Calvin calls Job's wife, organum satani which means "the embodiment of Satan."

Now, can I just say, I think she deserves a little bit fairer, more generous treatment than that? And here's why. She just lost 10 children in a single day and her husband has a disease, and she doesn't know what the future of that is going to be. And it all happens pretty quickly so this I see, though it's not right, this is an emotional reaction that happens to a person. It's an outburst that happens when this kind of tragedy piles up. And I say that because I don't want you to be surprised when you get somebody who is around somebody who has just experienced deep grief and tragedy.

Things might come out of their mouth so you might say, "Well, that's not very Christian." Yeah, but that's a gut emotion you're hearing.

Hey, did you know by the way, that we are hard wired in our brains to be emotional first and logical a second? Now hear me especially those of you who tend to be legalistic. We're hard wired to be emotional first, rational second. It's what I mean. Every impulse, every impulse we experience whether it is sight, or sound, or touch enters our brain via the base of our spinal cord. Before it ever reaches the frontal lobe where we deal with things rationally, it first goes through the limbic system which is where emotions are produced.

So that a person as the emotional first when something happens, they're emotional first and their logical later, they deal with it differently as time goes on. It's the way we're made. So this is her, I believe, emotional outburst and he comes right back at her. "You're a foolish woman." It's just tense in that relationship.

Now I'm not going to let her off the hook completely. This is still bad advice. Blaspheming God is never a good idea even on the worst day. This is just not a good counsel. But here's the point. Sickness has complicated the marriage relationship and it can be detrimental to it.

See, this is the typical scenario. Somebody in the family gets sick. Let's say the husband gets sick. He feels guilty that he's sick. He shouldn't feel guilty but he feels it. The caregiver, the wife feels fearful of the future. What is this going to mean, to us, to me, as time marches on past today? According to statistics, 75% of marriages with chronically ill spouses end in divorce. See what I mean? Now, just so you know, that's not even. It's not split between men and women who get sick.

I was reading a New York Times article. An oncologist up in the Seattle area was noticing a trend that bothered him. He was treating brain cancer patients. Mark Chamberlain was his name. And Dr. Mark was noticing that when husbands got sick, their wives were with them the whole way and afterwards, all the way through whereas, he was noticing more and more men drop out of the picture when their wives got sick. And so he asked his colleagues in the area and other institutions to examine this and provide some data. Here's the statement after the data was collected.

Women with serious illnesses are seven times more likely to become separated or divorced than men with similar illnesses. In other words, the women being nurturers are going to stick through it. Men will bail more often than women. So if that's true, can I just offer some practical advice if you happen to be in a family that is experiencing someone being sick and you're not sick, you're the caregiver? If you're the caregiver, here's some advice.

Number one, stay healthy. Make sure that you diet. You eat right. Make sure that you exercise. Make sure that you get a way and get rejuvenated because this could be a long hall for you and you need to be healthy. So stay healthy. Second, stay social. Don't feel bad about having somebody sit your spouse, be there in the house for several hours while you're out at church or with the home Bible Study and you're interacting with other people. That's healthy for you as well. Number three, stay focused is good council. You're thinking I'm hyper focused. Are you kidding? No. I mean stay focused on the marriage relationship. While you have that sick spouse, stay focused on the marriage relationship.

Example, if here she can walk, walk with him around the neighborhood. Read aloud to them the scriptures or a favorite book. Listen to music. Watch a film that you both enjoy. Get a friend on the phone for a few minute conversations with your spouse. Stay focused on nurturing and building up with things that break up the monotony.

So, sickness is universal. Sickness feels personal. Sickness can be detrimental. Here's the last one. Sickness should be helpful. I realized that is a very bold statement to say and I thought about it. And I'll say it again, sickness should be helpful.

In other words, because I believe that God is sovereign, I also believe that He would never allow His children to go through something as serious as ongoing sickness unless He wants to work something deeper into the lives of that couple, that He has deeper, further purposes. Even at the end of the book, Chapter 42, Job says, "For I know that no purpose of yours can be withheld."

You're thinking, "What on earth, what kind of purpose could God have in mind by allowing sickness to happen." Well, I can think of a few. Ready? Number one, humility. Do you ever struggle with that? Are you like most people where you have some edges on your personality that could use honing, sanding? A trial will do that. Sickness will do that.

The Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 said, "Lest I should be exalted above measure." that is in pride, "A thorn in the flesh was given to me." "I have seen so much and done so much and it will be so easy for me to be spiritually prideful so God allowed this physical malady to affect my life." That's humility. That's one reason God could allow it. Humility.

Here's the second reason, purity. You know that a goldsmith would put gold on the smelting furnace on to the fire for hours and hours to get the impurities scraped off to make it more pure? With that in mind, Peter writes in the 1 Peter Chapter 1, "These trials have come upon you so that your faith which is of greater worth than gold though refined by the fire may result in genuine faith." It will purify you. Few things will purify you like this. So maturity, or humility, purity, here's the third, dependency.

Have you noticed that your prayer life gets really good when you suffer? Have you noticed that? If you've been slacking off in your prayer life at all, when sickness hits you, you pray like Abraham, or Paul or Peter. It's like, "Man, what happened to your prayer life?" It just got turbo charged by sickness. It kicked it into a whole different kind of a gear because you realized, "I'm out of strength. I'm weak. I must depend upon someone with greater strength i.e., the Lord."

It's exactly what happened again to Paul, the Apostle that whole thorn in the flesh episode. When Paul writes that he said, "In prayer, he was asking God to take this thing from him three times. 'Take it away. Take it away.'" Finally, he said, "While I was in prayer, the Lord spoke to me and said, 'My grace is enough for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness.'" And so Paul writes, "Therefore, I will be glad in my infirmities or take pleasure in my infirmities, my sicknesses for when I am weak, that I'm strong."

In other words, here's Paul going, "I get it. I get it. When I'm sick, I'm weak. When I'm weak, I depend more on You. You're strong and that's the way want it. You want me to depend on You." So, humility, purity, dependancy and fourth, I'll close with this, maturity.

James Chapter 1 he says, "The trials test our faith. Faith produces after the testing perseverance. Let perseverance have its perfect work that you may be perfect." Lacking nothing, the word perfect is mature, telos in Greek, mature. So I guess as you grow old, it's best if you grow up. It doesn't always happen but God wants, as you grow older to grow up. And He will use adversity and sickness to get you to maturity.

Listen. If every irritation in your life were removed once you were a Christian, you'd be the most shallow human being on the face of the earth. "Well I'm a Christian now. I should be able to confess away problems and sickness." You would be like worthless without that testing that is necessary.

I'm going to close with a paragraph and this is the paragraph that was written by 20 something year-old about 50 years ago or more.

As a 20 something, he was writing this to his fiance before they were getting married. They were engaged. He wanted to write her a note about the commitment that they were about to take in marriage but I want you to listen to the maturity of this 20 something.

"I want you to know and be fully aware concerning the marriage covenant which we are about to enter. I've been taught from my mother's knee and in harmony with the word of God that the marriage vows are inviolable, and by entering them I am binding myself absolutely and for life. I am not naïve concerning this. On the contrary, I am fully aware that mutual incompatibility and other unforeseen circumstances could result in extreme mental suffering If such becomes the case, I am resolved for my part to accept it as a consequence of the commitment that we are now making, and to bear it if need to be to the end of our lives together. I'd love you dearly as my sweetheart and I will love you as my wife. But above everything else, I love you with the Christian love that demands, we never act in such a way as to hinder our prospects of entering heaven which is the supreme desire of both our lives."

What a way to say, "I love you sweetie." What a classy way to say it. To say, "You know what? I don't know what the future is going to hold. It might get really gnarly. But for better or for worse, in sickness and in health till death -- not 'til debt, 'til death do us part."

Now Father, that's where we leave the study because whenever we speak about faithfulness, our mind immediately goes to your faithfulness. Your faithfulness toward us, it's new every morning. Great is your faithfulness and in Your love, you allow -- no you prescribe things that will produce in us humility, purity, dependency and all about spells maturity through you want us to be, to live.

Lord, I pray for my dear brothers and sisters in this place, in this flock, in this wonderful church for struggling with issues of health. Maybe not they themselves but someone in their family is, give them the kind of patience and endurance that reflects Your own character, a strength beyond theirs as they depend upon You in minister, in Jesus' name, amen.

Additional Messages in this Series

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6/10/2012
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No Man Is An Island
Genesis 2:18-22
Skip Heitzig
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Welcome to a new series! If you're presently not married, don't tune out! You may be someday and it will be worth the investment to listen and learn. If you are married, this will provide needed affirmation of your marriage vows. Let's make a deal—let's decide that it's not enough to just survive in our marriages; let's aim to thrive in them. To do that, we have to revisit God's original design and plan for this foundational relationship.
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6/17/2012
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The First Wedding
Genesis 2:23-25
Skip Heitzig
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Today we go back in time to the first wedding—the prototype. The Divine Architect had something specific in mind when He established marriage. Before the days of ancient polygamy, before the days of male chauvinism and neo-feminism, before the days of no-fault divorce and pre-nuptial agreements was the simplicity of God and His creation. There He brought a man and woman together. What did He want this relationship to be like?
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6/24/2012
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Trouble In Paradise
Genesis 3:1-20
Skip Heitzig
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One pundit said, "'And they lived happily ever after' is one of the most tragic sentences in literature. It's tragic because it tells a falsehood about life and has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence that is not possible on this fragile, failing, imperfect earth." Even in Eden, Adam and Eve didn't live happily ever after. The fall of man into sin brought repercussions that are still felt today.
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7/1/2012
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Gender Wars
Genesis 1-3
Skip Heitzig
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"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" reads a popular book title. The genders are different from each other; we were designed that way. Today we consider that design and how it became marred. This section of Scripture helps us understand the roots of chauvinism and feminism, both of which have added confusion to our culture. It also helps us understand the roles God gave to men and women, and how they work today.
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7/8/2012
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Friends with Benefits
Matthew 22:37-40
Nate Heitzig
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No matter how you view dating, finding the right mate can be tricky. What should you be looking for in a potential spouse? How can you know that this is God's best for you? Though the Bible is silent about dating per se, it says a lot about how we are to treat one another and what our priorities ought to be. These principles play a major factor in the success of dating relationships—and marriages. Let's open our Bibles to Matthew 22:37-40 for guidance in playing the sometimes challenging dating game.
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7/15/2012
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The Hardest Word in a Marriage
Ephesians 5:22-24
Skip Heitzig
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Some people would consider submission to be as bad as a four-letter word. But that’s because they don’t understand it. God’s plan is always the best plan. He designed your life to be one that is fulfilling and rewarding. Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). For that to happen, we must function within the guidelines of His will in the relational roles we occupy. Today we look at the basic role of a wife in a marriage relationship.
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7/22/2012
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The Storm-Proof Shelter of a Husband's Love
Ephesians 5:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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OK men, it's our turn today—God's blueprint for husbands is in view here. God's plan is for a man's love to become a strong shelter for his wife. The kind of love the Bible directs a husband to have is the kind that makes it easy for a woman to submit to. In fact, I believe the husband holds the key to a flourishing relationship by his initiating and cultivating love.
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7/29/2012
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Strength and Honor
Hebrews 13:4
Levi Lusko
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From crude advertising campaigns to raunchy entertainment, sex has been taken captive to a mindset of dishonor and shame. In truth, sex is a gift from God. He knows best how it can be fully enjoyed—within the marriage relationship. As we ponder the biblical principles of honor and integrity, we gain a deeper understanding of God's plan for purity before marriage and a vibrant sex life afterward.
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8/5/2012
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Homemaker or Homebreaker?
Titus 2;Proverbs 31
Skip Heitzig
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We are surrounded by hostile, home-shattering influences in our world today. The supportive elements of society no longer shade and protect us (like they once did). The Christian home must blossom in a field of weeds! Today I'd like to speak to wives in their role as homemakers (fightin' words for some). Let's take a twenty-first century look at a centuries-old struggle and why God honors the role of the homemaker.
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8/12/2012
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Needed: Real Men!
Joshua 24:1-15
Skip Heitzig
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The definition of what a real man is will vary from person to person, background to background, and ideology to ideology. But one thing is certain: A man who really is godly and really is a spiritual leader and really serves his family is RARE! Today we consider the aged leader of the ancient Hebrew nation, who was calling on the men of his generation to become real men. Joshua instructed those men to do three things.
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8/19/2012
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How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse - Part 1
Proverbs 5
Skip Heitzig
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Being intimate with someone involves more than just sex. Intimacy is a sense of caring and affection in which one can be totally vulnerable without the fear of being hurt or misunderstood. Intimacy is essential if a marriage is going to thrive. How about your marriage? Do these following three elements that foster intimacy exist in your marriage?
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8/26/2012
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How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse - Part 2
Proverbs 5:15-21; Song_of_Solomon 1:1-7:13
Skip Heitzig
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For a majority of married couples, the word enduring sums up their nuptial experience. But let me offer another word, the idea of which comes straight from Scripture itself: It’s the word enjoying. For those of you who merely endure your marriage, you could enjoy it. Using two of the writings of King Solomon, we will explore four areas that healthy married couples could and should be experiencing enjoyment in.
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9/2/2012
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Weeds of Unfaithfulness in the Garden of Love
Matthew 5:27-30
Skip Heitzig
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A wise sage once remarked, "Passion is like fire and water—they are good servants but bad masters!" Sexual passion is like that, and every married couple needs to tend the garden of their love very carefully. That means pulling out the weeds that could lead to unfaithful behavior. Many a marriage has been burned in the fire of adultery or flooded with inordinate passion. Let's consider how our marriages can stay "adultery proof."
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9/9/2012
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Faith Walkin' and Tongue Talkin'
James 3:1-12
Gino Geraci
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Who or what controls your speech? Like a mighty ship that is controlled by a small rudder, our tongues are a small member with great power. Our speech is being controlled either by the Lord or it is being controlled by our own anger, bitterness, and selfishness. When Jesus is in control, we do not have to fear what is going to leak out between our teeth. In our text this week, we learn to be wary that we don't offend with our tongue.
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9/30/2012
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Short Fuse for the Long Haul!
Ephesians 4:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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How can couples have a good fight? Let's face it, there are good fights and there are bad ones. And anger only complicates things. Since marriage is a "long haul" commitment and some people have a "short fuse," there are four principles you need to know in order to fight fair. Moreover, disagreements can actually strengthen your relationship. How?
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10/7/2012
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Partners for Life
Psalm 1:1-6; Malachi 3:6-10
Bob Shank
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When couples marry, they form a partnership where they each agree to cooperate for their mutual interests—it's a partnership between a husband and a wife. But, there is a third party in that partnership—God. Each person's personal relationship with Jesus should be as active and as powerful as their relationship with each other. In this study, we see how we can improve our partnership with God and ensure His blessing on our lives, and we receive concise teaching on what God means when He tells us to test Him regarding our finances.
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10/14/2012
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Have a New You by Friday
Dr. Kevin Leman
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Guest speaker Dr. Kevin Leman provides insights for making changes in our marriages and our families. How do we change our behavior? By deciding to act differently! Let’s give 100% of ourselves to God—He is worth nothing less.
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10/28/2012
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The Most Important Job in the World
Ephesians 6:4
Skip Heitzig
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What job could possibly be more important to the world than a parent? A surgeon, lawyer, president, pastor, or economist? Nope! Think of a parent's influence: Every word and deed of a parent becomes a fiber woven into the character of a child that ultimately determines how that child fits into the fabric of society. But children can both unify a marriage relationship and challenge it. Let's pull some principles out of Ephesians 6:4 to see how to "Keep Calm" while raising kids.
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11/4/2012
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In-laws or Outlaws?
Genesis 28-31
Skip Heitzig
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When two people get married, they don't simply marry each other; they marry into an extended family consisting of mother-in-law, father-in-law, and perhaps even sister-in-law and brother-in-law. These in-laws come in all sizes and shapes, and all personalities, and there is the potential for these in-laws to become outlaws to the married couple. Today we explore that relationship and see pitfalls to avoid as well as practices to apply.
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11/11/2012
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The Unequal Yoke
2 Corinthians 6:11-18; 1 Peter 3:1-22
Skip Heitzig
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There is a hybrid relationship we haven’t talked out yet—the unequally yoked marriage: when one spouse is a believer while the other is an unbeliever. Such a relationship can occur for a whole number of reasons and can provide a whole host of challenges. But it can also be managed, and done so well: with grace and great success. Let’s consider this relationship today.
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11/18/2012
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Are You Building a House or a Home?
Psalm 127
Skip Heitzig
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John Henry Jowett wrote, “Anyone can build a house: We need the Lord for the creation of a home.” There’s a huge difference between the construction of these two: One is built with earthly materials and anxious thoughts; the other is the result of strong relationships. As we conclude our series today, consider how you’re planning for the future.
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There are 21 additional messages in this series.
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