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Death at the Doorstep
Genesis 23
Skip Heitzig

Genesis 23 (NKJV™)
1 Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah.
2 So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.
3 Then Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth, saying,
4 "I am a foreigner and a visitor among you. Give me property for a burial place among you, that I may bury my dead out of my sight."
5 And the sons of Heth answered Abraham, saying to him,
6 "Hear us, my lord: You are a mighty prince among us; bury your dead in the choicest of our burial places. None of us will withhold from you his burial place, that you may bury your dead."
7 Then Abraham stood up and bowed himself to the people of the land, the sons of Heth.
8 And he spoke with them, saying, "If it is your wish that I bury my dead out of my sight, hear me, and meet with Ephron the son of Zohar for me,
9 "that he may give me the cave of Machpelah which he has, which is at the end of his field. Let him give it to me at the full price, as property for a burial place among you."
10 Now Ephron dwelt among the sons of Heth; and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the presence of the sons of Heth, all who entered at the gate of his city, saying,
11 "No, my lord, hear me: I give you the field and the cave that is in it; I give it to you in the presence of the sons of my people. I give it to you. Bury your dead!"
12 Then Abraham bowed himself down before the people of the land;
13 and he spoke to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, saying, "If you will give it, please hear me. I will give you money for the field; take it from me and I will bury my dead there."
14 And Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him,
15 "My lord, listen to me; the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver. What is that between you and me? So bury your dead."
16 And Abraham listened to Ephron; and Abraham weighed out the silver for Ephron which he had named in the hearing of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, currency of the merchants.
17 So the field of Ephron which was in Machpelah, which was before Mamre, the field and the cave which was in it, and all the trees that were in the field, which were within all the surrounding borders, were deeded
18 to Abraham as a possession in the presence of the sons of Heth, before all who went in at the gate of his city.
19 And after this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field of Machpelah, before Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan.
20 So the field and the cave that is in it were deeded to Abraham by the sons of Heth as property for a burial place.

New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Lifestyles of the Righteous and Faithful - Abraham

Abraham has often been called, "the father of faith." In this inspiring series, we study the life of Abraham, an ordinary man who heard the voice of God and "did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith" (Romans 4:20).

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In Chapter 23, we are reading an obituary this morning. The obituary of Sarah, Abraham's wife. Been married over sixty years, and now he is burying her. What is interesting is the entire chapter is devoted toward her burial and Abraham mourning for her and making the arrangements for the funeral. So the Holy Spirit obviously thought it was an important chapter to devote all of these verses to the death and burial of one person. That's what the whole thing centers around. In verse 1, it says, "Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years," heh, it was time to go, "these were the years of the life of Sarah. So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her. Then Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth, saying, 'I am a foreigner and a sojourner among you. Give me property for a burial place among you, that I may bury my dead out of my sight.' And the sons of Heth answered Abraham, saying to him, 'Hear us, my lord: You are a mighty prince among us; bury your dead in the choicest of our burial places. None of us will withhold from you his burial place, that you may bury your dead.' Then Abraham stood up and bowed himself to the people of the land, the sons of Heth. And he spoke with them, saying, 'If it is your wish that I bury my dead out of my sight, hear me, and meet with Ephron the son of Zohar for me, that he may give me the cave of Machpelah which he has, which is at the end of his field. Let him give it to me at the full price, as property for a burial place among you.'" There is much written and spoken about Christian living but not much about Christian dying. It has, until very recently, become an unmentionable topic, especially in our society. We speak about how to marry , how to prepare, how to live a Christian family life, but not much is really devoted to death for the Christian and preparation both personally, those of us who are going to die, and we all will, believe me, unless the Lord comes back and snatches us away, or those who have gone and left us. Death is common to all. Now, the universities of our land have devoted much more attention than Christians have to it. There are courses, now, on thanotology, on death and dying. Ever since Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and some others wrote books on death and dying, it has become a soaring and much spoken about topic. In fact, now today its, you could almost call it a "gloom boom" in our country. More books in the last ten years are written on the subject of death and in the last 100 years it has soared. Yet in Christian circles, not much attention is given to it. Death is spoken about in stained glass language; in sanctuary tones. "(In English accent) Our dearly departed who has passed through into the gates of eternity." But nothing just simple and straightforward about how to live and how to die in the Lord and how to prepare for that. This chapter is very straightforward in its language. It does not use modern funeral home language. It does not say that, uh, this lady passed away. It says, "she died." It does not depersonalize her by saying "Abraham's loved one." It calls her her name. Sarah. And she is not placed within the arms of a technical expert who would make her look as if she was sleeping. She is placed in the loving arms of her husband. A husband of over sixty years and as the old funeral procession would have it and the old customs, she was placed at home in the tent before Abraham for a period of mourning. A side note, before we go on. There has been seventeen years that have elapsed between Chapter 22 and 23. It says that she's 127 years old when she dies. I'm telling you that lest you think that Abraham's life was one trial after another. For you remember after Isaac was born, there was that big blowout with Ishmael and Hagar, and then the very next chapter, God says, "Take your son Isaac and sacrifice him as a living sacrifice." And then now Sarah dies. It was not one trial after another. There was long periods of rest and tranquility between these chapters. But we are told that Sarah lived 127 years young. "These were the years of the life of Sarah. So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba." They landed in Hebron, it says, which is where they started out in the land to begin with. It was sort of their honeymoon beginning years in the land of Israel. They're back where they started. Their starting years were in Hebron and Sarah's last days were there also. "In the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her."

The book of Ecclesiastes says a powerful verse that says, "For every person there is a time to be born and there is a time to die." And I want you to gaze at the first couple words in each verse. Verses 1 and 2, it says, "Sarah lived," and then verse 2, "So Sarah died." And you say, "Well, so what?" Well, this is so what. Both of those facts are clear and straightforward statements. Sarah lived, Sarah died, which is said of every human being. George lived, George died. Frankie lived, Frankie died. Both of those are true statements. Both of these statements are essential, both of these statements are totally necessary. However, only one of these things are usually prepared for by most people. We prepare our sons and daughters for life. How to make choices, how to go to college, how to marry somebody, how to find the right mate, how to be successful, how to buy bigger homes, how to keep the mortgage payments going, how to prepare your kids for college. But both of these are equally true: you live and you die. And yet we only prepare for death. People don't want to prepare or even talk about death many times. "No, let's not talk about that right now." And yet, it's still gonna happen. Someone said very candidly, "The statistics on death are impressive. One out of every one persons die." (Light laughter). Happens to everybody. Every second, two people die. They pass on into eternity. It's something that we ought to look at and be prepared for. One man wrote, "I know that everyone must die, but I always thought that an exception would be made in my case. Now what." See that's the big question. Now what? There should be a preparation, there should be a time where we sit down with our families and discuss the issue and talk over some basic essentials concerning death. Be prepared for it. Don't let it become a taboo topic in your home. In my home we didn't talk about it that much, although my parents, in their own way, tried to prepare me for it just by bringing me to a few funerals every now and then, but not talking about it. And the way funerals are done, at least the ones that I went to when I was a kid, they were so mystical. And it was so strange that it became a fearful thing to discuss. For most people it's awkward to talk about it. So, develop in your home a healthy attitude toward death. Talk about it with your kids. Tell them, "Mommy and daddy one day are going to die unless the Lord returns and takes us home. Or you may die." So that it doesn't become so awkward. Prepare that way by discussing it. Also, get your homes in order. Prepare that way. What about a will? Don't put it off. Talk about it now, deal with it now. Who's gonna take your kids when you die? Have you discussed that? Have you arranged for that? Are they gonna be left up to the state when you die? What about insurance? What about relationships? Are there strained relationships that you have now? Are you angry at somebody now? I'll tell you what, when a person dies the people who are left, the survivors, already have an enormous amount of guilt that they work through. And that they have the "what if?" or, "if only…" "If only I would've called the paramedics. If only I would've been there with her." And guilt already enters into the picture. When you have unresolved conflict in a relationship and somebody dies, it only complicates the issue of death. Resolve them. Be determined that you will walk in all good conscience before God and man. You should also prepare by having friends around you. Don't be an isolationist. Use the body of Christ. Build close relationships with people so that you can be a comfort to them if one of their loved ones does die. Or if somebody in your family dies, they can come around you, they know you, they know how you think and what you need. However, the most important way to prepare is, how? Spiritually. Are you prepared spiritually? What if that old nursery rhyme, "If I should die before I wake," becomes a reality in your life? Some of you here today need to really think about that. There are no guarantees on your life. David said, "Lord, teach us to number our days so that we can apply our hearts to wisdom." Good, sound advice. Be prepared for life and death. Number our days. If you live to be seventy-five years old, that's a total of 25,000 days you will spend on this earth. And if you are thirty-five years old today, you've got 12,000 days left. And there's no guarantees that you'll live that long. Number our days, that we could apply our hearts to wisdom. Are you prepared? Now a lot of people aren’t. The Gallup Foundation took a poll among Protestant and Catholic Christians and they asked them, "What do you suppose your chances of getting to heaven are on a scale of excellent, good, fair and poor?" And of all the Protestants that were pulled, 26% of those who were Baptist said that they had a good chance of getting there or an excellent chance of getting there. Among Lutherans, 20% said they had a great chance of making it. Among Methodists, 16% of those who believed in heaven, believed in afterlife said that were sure they'd make it. That's a large percentage that is totally unprepared.

When you stand before the Lord, will you hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord." Or will you be standing there trying to convince Him? "Lord, we've done great things in Your name. we've cast out demons, we've built churches, we read our Bibles in Your name." "Depart from Me, you who work iniquity. I never knew you." What a horrible thing to find out you were unprepared at that point. It will be said of all of us: we lived and so we died. It's a basic fact of, death is a fact of life. It would seem that a Christian audience or an audience that attends a church like this would know that, wouldn't have to be reminded of that. But you'd be surprised. Many people go through life as if they have a lease on so many years, and they never, never stop to consider. I love the way Steve Taylor writes his songs, and one of the songs that struck my attention goes:

Harry's a civilian
Wants to make a million
So he keeps on plugging away
Money is eternal
Like the Wall Street Journal
Yes they're gonna make him happy someday
Grabbin' for the gusto
Gonna hit paydirt or bust
Where's it gonna get you
When you bite the dust?
And his chorus goes,

Whatcha gonna do when your number's up?
And you're buried six feet underground?

Now that shocks people to hear language like that so direct. "Bite the dust" "Buried underground" but hey, we're going to be six feet deep someday again, unless the Lord returns but just don't say, "Oh, it's not going to happen to me, the Lord's going to return too quickly." Well, a lot of people have thought that and they've gone on. Be prepared for it. Think of it in advance.

Death is a certainty and because death is a certainty, grief is universal. Death is a certainty, mourning is also a necessity. Look at verse 2, at the very end. It says, "Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her." Again, back to the book of Ecclesiastes that we mentioned, "there's a time to be born, there's a time to die." It also says, "There's a time to laugh and there's a time to cry." And I think Christians need to be reminded of this. Abraham went to weep and to mourn for his wife, Sarah. You know, when a person who is a Christian and knows the Lord goes on from this life and dies and is with the Lord in eternity, that's great. We rejoice for that person. It's wonderful that that person has left and has no more pain, no more sorrow, is forever in the presence of Jesus Christ. However, there are still survivors, and we can't be so glib as to say, "Oh, praise the Lord!" especially to the person who is the survivor. There is still an incredible amount of pain, a need to be comforted, a loneliness, an isolation that overwhelms a person, almost crushes a person during those times. Mourning and grieving is a natural, normal process of coping with a catastrophe and Christians, we dare not minimize that. We must give full vent to those feelings and those emotions and we mustn't point the finger at people who are grieving, saying "Well you don't have enough faith, brother. You ought-a really trust the Lord because if you really knew Jesus, you'd never grieve. Bologna. Paul the apostle says, "We do sorrow, but not as those who have no hope, yet we still do sorrow."

It is interesting that the ancient Hebrews had a period of thirty days where they would grieve publicly. And they would do things like rip their garments publicly, shout loudly, put sackcloth and dust on them, and ashes. And when you saw them you knew they were mourning for the dead. They didn't try to cover it up and say, "Well, I'll just be strong." They gave full vent to their emotions of grief. Thirty days. The Egyptians had seventy days of grief. We spoke to a couple of friends in the church concerning grieving. They're from another country and they said after attending an American funeral, they said, "You know, it seems really strange that Americans feel like they cannot show their emotions at a time of death." You go to the funeral homes and it's so quiet, somber. And if you have a tear, you know, you quickly wipe it away. You dare not be too loud in your volume when you cry. It's just not good policy. You have, don't want decorum. And they said, "You know from our, in our country, when somebody dies, people wail." And I have found in travelling, in most countries, other countries, that at the time of death, mourning is a public thing. It is uh, it's a notable thing. They give full vent to their emotions. They don't try to hold anything back. And I'm sure that's what Abraham did as he came into the tent and there's Sarah lying wrapped up before him, dead. He just didn't have a little organ music playing in the background and shed a few tears. I'm sure he wailed. I'm sure he mourned. And look at some of the instances in the Bible of this. When Jacob was told that his son, Joseph, was torn and destroyed by beasts in the field, it says that he lifted up his voice, tore his clothes, put sackcloth on his waist and he mourned for many days. When David heard that his son was murdered, he cried. And you remember the famous words, "Oh, Absalom, my son, my son, if only I would've died for you. Oh, my son, Absalom, my son, my son." It was a notable grieving so that the whole country, the whole nation of Israel saw that this was going on.

For some reason, people cope with grief by avoiding it, and this is one of the most dangerous things you can do. If you know someone or if you are someone who is determined to hold it in and not give any vent to the emotions lest people think you are weak, you are damaging yourself. It's like the ancient stoics, the Greek philosophers who told their followers to not show emotion. You see, to the stoics, the greatest form of strength was to compose yourself and the proper response of death was total self-control. Even if you watched a loved one die or be maimed, you were to stand and watch with no emotion on your face. That was total strength; that's the way to approach any kind of catastrophe. And there's people who think like that today. You know why? In our society, we are taught that big boys don't cry. Starts when we're young. Johnny runs outside. Johnny falls, bangs his knee, bangs his lip and bleeds. Mommy or Daddy quickly rush over to Johnny, pick him up and he's scared and he's crying and they go, "Johnny, Johnny, it's alright. Big men don't cry, Johnny. Stop crying. You're a big boy. Big boys don't cry." And by the time he's ten years old, he is convinced that masculinity and tears don't mix. And he gets to be an adult and he finds that he can't cry. It's not just men. Women the same thing. I have spoken to many women who come and they start crying and, and they will quickly blush and say, "Oh, this is so silly. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm crying. I'm sorry." Why are you sorry? God stuck these little things called tear ducts in your eyes for some reason. He knew what He was doing. He didn't make a mistake. Lachrymal glands are there to release that emotions and to shed tears.

Well what about the issue of faith and trust in God? If you're really close to God and walk with God certainly, isn't that a mark of strength when you can hold in those emotions and just smile in the midst of catastrophe? I don't know that it is. Billy Graham wrote in his book a couple of instances that occurred with his wife, Ruth, and himself and watching people who were mourning. And he says,
"Her son was dead killed in a tragic accident only a few days before. She sat in the front row of the church, quietly listening as the minister spoke at the memorial service, her face composed, one might almost say serene. When the final prayer ended, friends filed by the casket, hugging members of the family through tears. Later it was said, 'They're taking it so well.' 'His mother is a real brick.' At the home afterward the parents greeted dozens of people with smiles and words of encouragement. A few days later, her husband found his wife sitting on the kitchen floor, banging her fists and sobbing uncontrollably. The woman others thought was "so brave" was sick to the core of her being with an emotion common to every living person." He goes on and says, "A neighbor of ours, whom we'll call Frances North, lost her husband through a tragic accident. Again, everyone commented on the widow's bravery—even cheerfulness. 'Only the Lord can give such victory,' was the general opinion. Perhaps poor Frances felt trapped. How could she express her grief without letting the Lord down? Months passed, and Ruth," that's Billy's wife, "got a phone call. A friend was concerned. Frances was withdrawing more and more into herself. So Ruth, having been friends with Frances for years, drove over. She found Frances sitting alone, staring at the floor. Gently, Ruth talked with her and received either no response or one in monosyllables. Finally, realizing Frances was worse off than she had thought, Ruth asked if she would like her to call the doctor. Frances nodded numbly. Ruth called and was told to bring her right over. The doctor, an understanding, compassionate Christian, recognized the danger signals of unresolved, long suppressed grief, and took her in his care. Today Frances is the normal, happy, outgoing person she was before strategy-tragedy struck."

It is okay to grieve and to show emotion when something like this happens. It might seem so simplistic that I say that but some of you need to hear that. It's okay to do it. And we need to be able to tell that to people who are grieving and saying, "Oh, I'm sorry." It's okay! Jesus was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. Jesus stood at the tomb of his friend Lazarus, and the shortest verse in the Bible says, "Jesus wept." And at the moment Jesus wept, the perfect man in all of history, He put to death the notion that big boys don't cry, or that it's unspiritual to cry because the people around commented as they looked at Jesus, "My, how He loved him." And Jesus wept. A man of sorrows acquainted with gr- with grief. If you are around those who are grieving, allow them to grieve without giving them pat answers like, "Hey, just trust God, praise the Lord, it's alright." That's a cheap shot. Give them the space to feel those things.

And, by the way, be prepared for a strange array of emotions. It'll cover the spectrum. There is a process that people go through at a catastrophe. The first one usually is denial. "No, this didn't happen. This can't happen. I don't believe it." After that, there's anger, usually. And people may lash out in anger. They could be angry at God, they could be angry at the person who has died. "How dare that person." I've heard it. After anger, comes bargaining. "Oh, please, please, bring him back. Don't tell, tell me it's not true. I'll do this, I promise." Especially if the person is near-dead. Then comes depression- a period of isolation and withdrawing. The person is not even the same anymore. Uh, you seem like, he's or she's totally gone. They went the other direction, they don't communicate. There's a period of withdrawal, they don't say much. And then after that comes acceptance, usually. They start realizing it as life goes on, as they do normal activities and, eventually, they are to come to that final stage of hope; new patterns of living. But be prepared for all of those emotions and feelings going on and don't give pat answers. Instead, just listen. Listen to them. Talk about the person who is deceased with them. Let them express all that has happened. I can see Abraham saying, "Oh, I remember the day I met Sarah. She was so beautiful. In fact, she was beautiful when she was ninety. A king of Egypt wanted to take her as a wife. She's a gorgeous gal. Oh, how the greatest times we've had together. Walking down the same road, the trials we've experienced." Let that person talk them through and listen to that person. It's important that they express all of those things. And if you, this morning, happen to be one of those people who are grieving and you have heard the voices of well-meaning but wrong Christians around you telling you not to weep or show those emotions, then be comforted this morning by the words of Jesus, who said, "Blessed are those who mourn, they shall be comforted." You cannot be comforted in a time of grief unless you mourn. In fact, Dr. William Scroggy wrote these words and I'd like you to listen very carefully to them. He says, "Let grief do its work. Tramp every inch of the sorrowful way. Drink every drop of the bitter cup. Draw from memory and hope all that they can offer to see the things our loved ones left behind will give us daily pain: the clothes they wore, the letters they wrote, the books they read, the chairs in which they sat, the music they loved, the hymns they sang, the walks they took, the games they played, their seat in church, and much beside. But what would we be without these reminders? Would we like quickly to break with the past in order to assuage grief? Those who truly love will say that they have found in sorrow a new joy, a joy which only the broken-hearted can know." So death is a certainty, but mourning is a necessity.

And finally, although mourning is a necessity, moving on from that place is an essentiality. Look with me now in verse 3. It says, "Then Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth, saying, 'I am a foreigner and a sojourner among you. Give me property for a burial place among you, that I may bury the dead out of my sight.' And the sons of Heth answered Abraham," now they wanted to just give it to him. They knew that he was suffering great and they graciously extend a Mid-eastern custom of giving the land that they own to the one who is grieving and lost Sarah. "'Hear my, my lord, or hear us: You are a mighty prince among us; bury your dead in the choicest of our burial places. None of us will withhold from you his burial place, that you may bury your dead.' Then Abraham stood up and bowed himself to the people of the land," there's this formal activity going on. "He spoke with them, saying, 'If it is your wish that I bury my dead out of my sight, meet with Ephron the son of Zohar for me, that he may give me the cave of Machpelah…" which by the way is still present in Israel today. You can visit it. "…which is at the end of the field. Let him give it to me at the full price, as property for a burial place among you.'" The kind of have a gentle argument going on. The guy who owns it says, "Take it." Abraham says, "No I'm gonna pay for it." The guy says, "Look, I love you. Take it." Abraham says, "No, here's the money." And he buries his dead out of his sight. But I want you to notice back in verse 3 an important phrase. I wanna draw your attention to it. It says, "Abraham stood up from before his dead." According to one commentator, this phrase signifies something more than just getting up and making arrangements. It signifies a swerving of the shoulder, a lifting up of the eye, a firming of the step, a willingness to take on life again, according to the Hebrew language. He gets up during a period of mourning, an extended period, and he has to let life continue. He has to make arrangements. "We've got to bury her, she's got to get out of my sight, and I've got to keep living." And that's important. Mourning is a necessity, but moving on from that place eventually is a essentiality. You can't just stay there and mourn forever. So Abraham rose up from before his dead. Grief is good, but good grief can become bad grief. There are people who will hold on to the memory of a loved one and you will see them after ten years, even, of burying that loved one, in a complete state of hopelessness and depression never have letting that person go. And it's probably because they never grieved correctly at the beginning and they held on to it and it eats them away inside and they go on and on and on and they don't rise up from before the dead at the right time and live life. Keep your finger here and turn a few books over to Deuteronomy Chapter 34. Last chapter of Deuteronomy. It's the account of Moses dying. Verse 5, "So Moses, the servant of the Lord, died there in the land of Moab according to the word of the Lord. And He," that is God, "He buried him a in a valley in the land of Moab opposite Beth-paor but no one knows his grave to this day. Moses was 120 years old when he died. His eyes were not dim nor his natural vigor abated. And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab for thirty days. And so the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended." Okay, now what happens? Turn over to the book of Joshua, next page or on the same page. "After the death of Moses, the servant of the Lord, it came to pass that the Lord spoke to Joshua, the son of Nun, Moses' assistant saying, 'Moses, my servant, is dead.'" Well they already knew that. Why did God waste His breath? Well, He needed to remind them. He's dead now, it's over with. Moses is dead. Therefore, arise, go over Jordan, you and all his people to the land which I am giving them the children of Israel." "Moses is dead, you've mourned for him, it's good. You should've wept, you should bring those emotions out. But there comes a time where you follow My plan for your life, now. Time to get up, time to move, time to face life again. Go over the Jordan, don't stay in this place. Move on. Time to live life all over again." This is called the construction stage of mourning, where a person starts getting home and starts taking other activities on in his life; normal activities of life, perhaps getting a job, perhaps going back to college, perhaps volunteering somewhere but getting active. It's time to move on. I say that because there are people who live sometimes in a state of, "I wanna just give up," for years and years and years and that is not healthy. That is prolonged unresolved grief.

I'll never forget the day my brother died and I drove right up to my parent's house to be together with the family and I was in a whole array of emotions at that time. I opened the door and I saw my mother standing there as she opened the door and she looked like she aged in two days about fifteen years. I had never seen her visually with that much grief written all over her. And my heart broke when I saw her and my father. And we mourned and we wept and we talked about Bo and we talked about the past. We sat over the table, we took walks. And it went on for days and days. And toward the end of that period when we were all about to break up and go back to our houses, our homes, my brother Rick, second to the oldest, said, got us all together, and he said, "I don't want to sound cruel but Bob is dead. We can't change that. We have to go on and live our lives." It was the best thing he could've shared with us. We knew that deep inside but we needed to hear it verbally again from someone close in the family who loved us tenderly. And perhaps we will need, if people are holding on to that too long, to be that gentle friend. Don’t share it caustically, share it gently. To say, "You know what? Let me help you. It's time to move on, it's time to go. Time to arise. Get up from before your dead, let's live life." You see, at first, when someone loses someone to death, it's time for you to come along and surround that person with practical love. Wash clothes for them, cook meals for them, do babysitting for them, just pamper them for awhile. Be there, talk to them, listen. But there comes a time when they have to be weaned from that gently and encouraged to, "Come on, it's in your court now. Do something. Don't stay here forever. You've grieved and you will always grieve. The wound will always be there but there must come this construction and this healing stage."

Before we close our Bibles this morning, look at a phrase that follows what Abraham did in verse 4 of Genesis 23. It is a statement of faith. He gets up to move on, make the arrangements, go on to life and he says in verse 4, "I am a foreigner and a sojourner among you. Give me property for a burial place." That's an interesting statement to say from a man who has been given, by God, and Abraham knew it, the whole land of Canaan. "All of this land that you see is yours. You walk through it, it is for you to possess and your offspring and the descendents after them." And yet he says, "Hey I'm just, I'm just passing though man." Here's a guy who was given everything, but he owned nothing except the burial plot for his wife. In other words, here's a man who had no roots in that land. He saw this life as very temporary. He wasn't taking a whole lot of stock in this temporary existence we call life, saying, "I'm just passing through, I'm just a pilgrim and a stranger." And, folks, I submit to you that it is because of that hope that he had that he was able to move on and reconstruct his life. He was attached somewhere else. I know that from Hebrews 11. It said that Abraham sojourned in tents with Isaac with his family, but he was looking for a city that has foundations whose builder and maker is God. He was looking for another city. He didn't put his roots down too deeply here. He said, "I'm just passin' through. I have hopes beyond Canaan, beyond Hebron. I'm looking for a city that God built. One whose builder and maker is God." And I'm convinced that that is what Paul meant when he spoke about Christian grief. 1 Thessalonians, he said, "I don't want you to sorrow like people who have no hope." When a person dies who does not know Jesus Christ and is surrounded by friends and family who do not know the Lord that is the most hopeless funeral and death situation of anyone. It, there is just a hopelessness written over everyone in the room. They sorrow, their sorrow is deep. For the Christian the sorrow is also deep. However, there is a hope built into the grief process where a person who died and went with the Lord, you think, "You know what? I am weeping really for myself but not for the person who has gone on. I am experiencing an incredible amount of pain, but I have hope built into this. I'm travelling through this world. And I know my loved one is with the Lord. And because of that I have hope. I am a pilgrim and a sojourner in the land." If Abraham did not have that hope, his heart would've been crushed beyond despair.

I heard of a girl who lost her husband in the war. She was back home with her folks when the telegram came that said, "Your husband has been found dead." She read the telegram, took it, folded it up, turned to her mom and said, "Mother I'm going up to my room, I don't want to be disturbed. She exited the room and went upstairs. The mother was frantic. She called the father at the office and said, "Please come home you've got to do something. You've got to comfort her. She's just closed up. She went up to her room and took the telegram. Her husband's dead." Father rushed home, thinking, "I've got to do something." Goes inside the house, walks upstairs, quietly opens the door, the house is carpeted so she didn't hear him come in, she didn't see him come in. And he noticed that she had the telegram spread out on the bed, she had bowed herself over the telegram and she was just saying, "Oh, my heavenly Father, oh, my Father, oh my heavenly Father." And he exited the room and he went downstairs and put his hand on his wife and said, "You know, she's in better hands than mine." Oh the, the hope of seeing what lies beyond for the Christian who has hope. Sorrow, yes. Mourning, essential. Moving on, imperative. Now as I turn that back to myself, and I know that someday, unless the Lord does return soon, I'm going to kick the bucket. I'm gonna die. My body will cease. But when I know what God has waiting for me, that's exciting. I have no great attachment here. And if I do, may God wean me from that attachment and make me a pilgrim and a stranger passing through. I have no great attachment. There'll come a day when I don’t have to pay income taxes (laughter). There's gonna come a day when I don’t have to wear and clean my contact lenses. There's gonna come a day when God's gonna give me a new body and I'm going to say, "This is, now this is, this is happening, Lord. This is great." If we could only see the hope that lies before us. That’s why, folks, reincarnation is such a bummer thing to believe in. I mean, who'd want to come back anyways, especially if you're 127 (laughter). There's certain things I don’t want to live through again. High school English is one of them (laughter). Lot of trials I don’t wanna see again and when I'm with the Lord, please don't pray that I come back. If I do, I'll haunt you (laughter). I'm with the Lord, I wanna stay there. That's a hope. For those of you who are grieving, grieve on but let people take you and wean you from that place of hope in the Lord. The person that you knew who knew the Lord was a pilgrim and is with the Lord. It's like David said, "That child who died cannot come to me but I will go to him." Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, you are the God of all comfort, Paul tells us, who comforts us in all of our trials so that we might be able to comfort others who are going through the like circumstance. I pray Lord that we learn, if not by experience in these things at least right now, just through precepts so that when the experience comes, we will be able to apply it. Make us ministers of comfort to those who have lost a family member to death. Lord, I pray that all of us in this room would be prepared with certainty to meet You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Additional Messages in this Series

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1/8/1989
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Ladies and Gentleman…Meet Abraham
Genesis 11:27-12:9
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1/15/1989
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Have I Got Plans for You
Genesis 12:1-3
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1/22/1989
completed
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Steps of Unfaith
Genesis 12:10-20
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1/29/1989
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A Tale of Two Friends
Genesis 13-14
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2/12/1989
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God Helps Those Who Help Themselves?
Genesis 16:1-6
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2/19/1989
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Guess Who's Coming To Dinner
Genesis 18:1-15
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2/26/1989
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God…Can We Talk?
Genesis 18:16-33
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3/5/1989
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God's Perfect Will in an Imperfect World
Genesis 21:1-21
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3/12/1989
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The Suffering of Sacrifice
Genesis 22
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There are 9 additional messages in this series.
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