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A Mother's Role in the Smart Home
1 Samuel 1
Skip Heitzig

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1 Samuel 1 (NKJV™)
1 Now there was a certain man of Ramathaim Zophim, of the mountains of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite.
2 And he had two wives: the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.
3 This man went up from his city yearly to worship and sacrifice to the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. Also the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the LORD, were there.
4 And whenever the time came for Elkanah to make an offering, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters.
5 But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the LORD had closed her womb.
6 And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb.
7 So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat.
8 Then Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?"
9 So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the LORD.
10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the LORD and wept in anguish.
11 Then she made a vow and said, "O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head."
12 And it happened, as she continued praying before the LORD, that Eli watched her mouth.
13 Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk.
14 So Eli said to her, "How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!"
15 And Hannah answered and said, "No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD.
16 "Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now."
17 Then Eli answered and said, "Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him."
18 And she said, "Let your maidservant find favor in your sight." So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.
19 Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her.
20 So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, "Because I have asked for him from the LORD."
21 Now the man Elkanah and all his house went up to offer to the LORD the yearly sacrifice and his vow.
22 But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, "Not until the child is weaned; then I will take him, that he may appear before the LORD and remain there forever."
23 And Elkanah her husband said to her, "Do what seems best to you; wait until you have weaned him. Only let the LORD establish His word." So the woman stayed and nursed her son until she had weaned him.
24 Now when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with three bulls, one ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the LORD in Shiloh. And the child was young.
25 Then they slaughtered a bull, and brought the child to Eli.
26 And she said, "O my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood by you here, praying to the LORD.
27 "For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.
28 "Therefore I also have lent him to the LORD; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the LORD." So they worshiped the LORD there.

New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Smart Home

A mother's love is great—it sets the standard of unconditional love. God has done and continues to do great things through women. The Bible records numerous faithful and spiritually fruitful women, such as Jochebed (Moses' mother), Ruth, Esther, Elizabeth, and Mary. In 1 Samuel, we meet Hannah, a woman whose faith modeled three powerful truths about mothers.

Stop imagining a better home life and start building it. Whether you're single and just surveying the landscape, married and mediating the man cave versus the she shed, or rebuilding your home (and heart) after significant loss, God has a blueprint for you. No home is beyond repair, so join Skip Heitzig for Smart Home and start building the home of your future today.

Study Guide

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Connect Recap Notes: November 4, 2018
Speaker: Skip Heitzig
Teaching: "A Mother's Role in the Smart Home"
Text: 1 Samuel 1

Path

A mother's love is great—it sets the standard of unconditional love. God has done—and continues to do—great things through women. The Bible records numerous faithful and spiritually fruitful women, such as Jochebed (Moses' mother), Ruth, Esther, Elizabeth, and Mary. In 1 Samuel we meet Hannah, a woman whose faith modeled three powerful truths about mothers.
  1. Mothers Have Great Problems
  2. Mothers Keep Great Priorities
  3. Mothers Make Great Plans
Points

Mothers Have Great Problems
  • Hannah was infertile, as were many prominent women in the Bible: Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, Rachel, and Elizabeth. Infertility was a significant issue both in biblical times and today. In the United States today, one out of every eight couples is infertile.
  • A woman's value to God is not based on her ability to reproduce. God loves you because you are His daughter, made in His image.
  • To offer some comfort to women struggling to or unable to have children, consider these possible reasons:
    • God may still be preparing you to be a mother. He may be saying, Not now, not, Not ever.
    • God might be preparing you to be a foster or adoptive parent.
    • He may want you to be available for a specific work that would be difficult or impossible if you had the responsibility and commitment of motherhood.
Mothers Keep Great Priorities
  • Hannah knew her priorities: God first, spouse second, children third.
  • Hannah developed a strong relationship with God. She worshipped Him regularly and prayed to Him earnestly.
  • Hannah took her great sorrow to the Lord (see 1 Samuel 1:11).
    • She addressed God as the Lord of hosts, the Master-Commander of heaven's armies.
    • She appealed to God based on His authority.
    • She prayed continually.
  • Hannah's second priority was her husband, Elkanah. He loved her with great affection, and they clearly had a good relationship (see vv. 5, 8).
  • Hannah promised God that if He gave her a child, she would raise him to know and serve the Lord (see v. 11).
Mothers Make Great Plans
  • Hannah fulfilled her promise and planned to return her child to the Lord (see vv. 24-28). She had made a vow to dedicate her son to God and kept it.
  • Before she lent Samuel to God's service, Hannah first wanted to wean him (see vv. 22-23).
    • At this time and in this culture, weaning took between five and seven years.
    • Wean (gamal in Hebrew) means to deal fully with. It included physical and spiritual training (see 2 Timothy 3:15)
  • Paul wrote to Timothy about the legacy of a mother (see 2 Timothy 1:3-7); he recognized that godly motherhood has immeasurable value.
  • Once Samuel had been dedicated and taught, Hannah sent him for service to the Lord.
  • In the Hebrew Bible, the book of 1 Samuel comes after the book of Judges. During Judges, Israel was at its lowest point spiritually, a time of total moral relativism (see Judges 21:25). At just the right time, God's chose Samuel to enter into Israel's desperate situation as a prophet.
  • Godly mothers matter. Whether you have your own children or are a spiritual mother to other children, draw close to God, then love them by teaching them about Him by His Word and your model.
Practice

Connect Up: In the Bible, many attributes and descriptions of God are masculine, however some are feminine. Look up the following verses and discuss how God is both fatherly and motherly: Deuteronomy 32:18, Psalm 17:8, Proverbs 4:13, Isaiah 42:14, Hosea 11:1-4. Discuss how the following typically feminine characteristics reflect a nurturing God: forgiveness (see Psalm 103:12), gentleness (see Isaiah 40:11), kindness (see Jeremiah 31:3), compassion (see Matthew 8:1-17), patience (see 2 Peter 3:9).

Connect In: Pastor Skip mentioned the importance of women to God; He did create them, after all. In what ways can a church reach out to women? What types of ministries do women care for and are concerned with? If you attend she Ministries, discuss how she helps equip and sustain a woman to be a Proverbs 31 leader, considering these virtues: faith, marriage, motherhood, health, service, homemaking, and time. What more does Proverbs 31 have to say about womanhood?

Connect Out: Pastor Skip mentioned that many women face infertility problems. How can Christians reach out to those struggling with barrenness? Baby Center recommends, "Realize and accept that you will have some ups and (most likely) many downs as you deal with your fertility problem. Reflect on your commitment to becoming a parent, and read our top coping strategies to help you get through this trying time. Consider joining a support group if you decide to go ahead with treatment, and connect online with others."1 What more would you add?


1 Baby Center, "The Emotional Impact of Fertility Problems," February, 2017, https://www.babycenter.com/0_the-emotional-impact-of-fertility-problems_3933.bc, accessed 11/4/18.

Transcript

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A Mother's Role in the Smart Home - 1 Samuel 1 - Skip Heitzig

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Start building a home of your future today. Smart home.

This is a series on the home, the smart home, it's called. And the topic this week is the role of a mother in the smart home. And you know, I've made a discovery, that when a man stands up and tells mothers how to be mothers, doesn't go over as good as a woman telling mothers about motherhood. So in a little bit, Lenya is going to come out here and I'm going to interview her, based on a text of scripture.

But before she does that, I want you to turn with me to the book of 1 Samuel in your Bibles. I trust you brought one. If not, there's one close by. 1 Samuel, chapter 1. A familiar story. There's just a few things I want to bring out.

I've always thought that mothers set the standard for unconditional love. I mean, nobody loves you like your mother. You can be a creep and your mother will love you, right? Am I right? We have a saying in our culture, you have a face only a mother could love. That's a put down, but there is a truth embedded in that put down. And that is, no matter what you look like or what you've done, your mom will stand by you.

But we relate to our mothers differently at different ages, our ages. So for example, if you're age 4, you think my mom can do anything. That's age 4. Age 12, you're thinking, mom does not know everything. Age 14, you're thinking mom doesn't know anything. At age 18, you're thinking mom is out of step with the times. Age 25, well, mom knows a few things. Age 35, hey, before we decide, let's get mom's opinion. Age 45, I wonder what my mom would say about this. Age 65, I wish I could talk to my mom once more.

Now I happen to be in that last category. I lost my mother, she's not around. I certainly wish she was, because there's a lot of things I'd still love to run by her and talk to her about and get her fellowship and input on. I don't have that luxury. But I want to introduce you to my mom a little bit, at least by a couple of sides. So this is my mom when I'm-- and I got the goofiest smile on my face, right? It's like, really? That is how he smiles?

But just look. There's my mom. Now my mom was about five feet even. Maybe 5"1' before she shrunk. She could have been even taller. She was a giant to me, because I was looking up at her. But she was this very small-framed gal who was also very capable. She raised four boys. I was the fourth of four boys. She learned early on how to handle us, how to corral us. So she was very loving, but very firm. And you don't mess with mom. And I recall, on several occasions-- you know, sometimes mom would say, wait til your father gets home. At other times, it's like, ain't waiting for dad to get home, it's a pre-emptive strike right now. And she learned how to control us.

But she was always the one to be like a compass for our family. She set direction, she helped us navigate our way through life. And I was-- then later on, this is my mom a little bit later. She always laughed, she always smiled. And this just captures her spirit.

My mom was there when I entered this world, really, she had no choice. She had to be part of the process. So she was there when I entered the world. I had the privilege of being at her bedside when she left this world. And it was, for me, one of the holiest moments ever. It was, for me, a full circle. It's like, wow. And she was there when I was born, but I'm here when she's going to heaven. So that's my mom. And in a minute, I'm going to introduce you to somebody you already know, but that is the mother of my son, and that's my wife, Lenya.

Before we do, I'm having you look at a girl by the name of Hannah in the Bible, in the Old Testament. And I think most of you do know this story. The story begins, not with a mother, but an infertile young woman. She cannot have a baby. We are told, in chapter 1, verse 2, that Elkenah, her husband, had two wives, not going to try to unravel that right now. The name of one was Hannah, the name of the other Panina. And Panina had children, but Hannah had no children. And then, in verse 5, we're told why. It said the Lord closed her womb.

Now I'm bringing this up for a reason. Because whenever we talk about mothers, I understand that it's a painful subject for some young women who are infertile, like Hannah was. In fact, to this segment of our population, a talk on mothers or Mother's Day is like the worst day of the year. It just opens that wound in a fresh way, it hurts to talk about it. And I just want you to know I understand that. And the Bible even speaks about that. And I will say I don't know why it is that some gals are unable to have children, why the fertility rate is 12%, one in eight couples cannot have children.

It's a mystery to me, I don't know why, but I do know this. I know that your value to God is not based on your ability to reproduce. God loves you the way you are, whether you have children or not. And that may or may not comfort you, but I want you to know it's a reality. God loves you because you're a special creation of His. And you're a son or a daughter of the living God all of us. So that's your value.

And I also know that you're not alone. That in the scriptures themselves, some of the most noteworthy women were at one time infertile. Sarah could not have a child til she was like 99, that's a whole other issue. I know that Rebecca, same thing, infertile. I know that Jacob's two wives, both Leah and Rachel, were infertile and struggling with the issue. And in the New Testament, the one who would become John the Baptist's mother, Elizabeth, she was infertile. The Lord opened all of their wombs, eventually.

Now I'm going to offer you, before we get a little deeper into this, I'm going to offer you three possibilities if you can't have children that might comfort you. Three possible reasons why. Reason number one, it could be that in the Providence of God, he's not giving you a child, yet. He's still preparing you for the time when he will open your womb and enable you to have a baby. So not now doesn't mean not ever. So you still may be in the preparation phase for that. He knows that, He knows what the right time is. That's number one. Number two, it could be that you won't ever be able to have a natural child, but that you will be able to be an adoptive parent or a foster parent. You shouldn't discount that, there's way more kids who want parents than parents who want kids. And if you can match that up somehow, it can be a wonderful thing.

I was just overseas, and part of our delegation was Michele Bachmann, and she was a former Congresswoman from Minnesota, she was the first female Republican to run for president of the United States. She has 21 foster children. Five natural kids, but she has been involved in raising up a whole number of children, as a calling of God. And then, a third possibility is that the Lord wants you available for a very specific task that would be impossible if your time were directed toward raising children. Could be the He just has something special planned out for you. You don't know, and that may or may not be comforting, I hope it is.

But let's continue with this. Eventually, Hannah, after a period of anguish, is able to be a mother, to have a child, by the name of Samuel, who becomes a prophet during this time. But what we see here is a truth that we talked about a few weeks back. The truth was that every parent, every person, but specifically, every father or mother, should live with a grid of God first, spouse second, child third, or children, and then everything else after that. There is a priority grid. Well here, we have a woman who we see kept her priority grid.

Let's see what's important to her. Number one, God was. In verse 7, would you please notice that it says, "So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord." just let that sink in. Here is a woman who felt it very necessary to regularly worship God. That was her priority. She did it because it was important for her to do it. Move on down to verse 10, "And she was in bitterness of soul and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish."

Here we see her praying, she's infertile, she cries out to God, but she's voicing it in prayer. Then verse 12. "And it happened as she continued praying before the Lord." So by a number of these texts, we can add them all up and we can paint a profile. Here's a woman who is a praying woman. God's going to answer her prayers. Samuel is going to grow up with the heritage that I had a praying mom. This world owes a lot to praying mothers and grandmothers. Abraham Lincoln said, no one is poor who has a Godly mother. And then he said, I still remember my mother's prayers, they follow me, in fact, they cling to me. If you're going to have anything cling to you, it's better not to have dandruff or little things from the street, but to have your mother's prayers cling to you.

So God was number one. Number two, her husband. Now I want you to notice a couple of texts that kind of speak to their relationship that was unique. Verse 5, this is-- every year at the feast, the husband Elkanah, it says, "But to Hannah, he--" that is Elkanah, her husband, "But to Hannah, he would give a double portion for he loved Hannah although the Lord closed her womb." So he's doling out the food, gives both wives the meal, but supersizes Hannah's. A double portion. Because he loved her, it says.

Down in verse 8, Elkanah, her husband, said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep?" Now we know why she's weeping, she is infertile, she wants a child. But he says, "Why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? And why is your heart grieved?" And then he says something that, if I were there, I would say, er, you probably don't want to throw this line in. But he did. He said, "Am I not better to you than 10 sons?"

Now that's not what you say to a woman who wants a child really bad. What, you got me! Yeah, that's why I'm praying for a child. So the bravado aside, I think you would agree that Hannah and her husband Elkanah had a relationship that was good, they understood each other. Peter says, husbands dwell with your wives with understanding. And I think this shows that they were able to do that.

I was reading a teenager's complaint sentiment where she said-- she was raised in a Christian home, but her parents were struggling. They were fighting a lot, and she said, I wish my parents could understand that unless they love each other, and unless they show the love to each other, it's very difficult for them to preach to me a gospel of love. And to tell me that God loves me and that we should love each other. And not do certain kinds of behavior. I thought that was very insightful. You need to see it. You can't pass on what you don't have.

So the grid was God, spouse, and then her son, her child. So eventually, she gets pregnant. She has a child. I'm going to skip you quickly down to verse 21. "Now the man Elkanah, and all of his house, went to offer up to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and his vow, but Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, not until the child is weaned. Then I will take him and may appear before the Lord and remain there forever." Now weaning wasn't like a few months. In those days, weaning was about three years. And it wasn't just a physical thing, it was a spiritual/emotional thing. So the word wean is a word that means to deal fully with someone. So a better translation is, I'm not going to take him anywhere till I have dealt fully with my son.

Implied in that is a training process, spiritual preparation. She wanted to make sure that before he fulfills the vow of a Nazarite, which I'm not going to try to explain that, we've done that before. But it was a lifelong vow of dedication. Before that, I have just a few years, these formative stages of his life, to impress certain truths into him. So before the launch takes place, I want to make sure that I am focusing, dealing fully with my son.

There is an old Jewish proverb, I've loved it. It says, God couldn't be everywhere, and so he made mothers. As if to say mothers are the embodiment of the principles that God wants to share with children and help train up a new generation. So Hannah had the priority, God first, husband second, Samuel, her child, third.

Now comes the day for the launch. Now comes the day to let him go. And so verse 24 tells us, now when she had weaned him, dealt fully with him, "She took him up with her with three bulls, one ephah of flour, a skin of wine, and brought them to the house of the Lord in Shiloh. And the child was young. Then they slaughtered a bull and brought the child to Eli--" that is the priest at the time. She said, "Oh, my Lord, as your soul lives, my Lord, I am the woman who stood by you here praying to the Lord. For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of him. Therefore, I also have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he shall be lent to the Lord and so they worshipped the Lord there."

So this is how the book of Samuel begins, the book of Samuel is about-- guess who. Samuel. It's about Samuel and about King Saul and King David, both of whom were chosen by Samuel to the agency of the Holy Spirit. So she launches him that day. Quick little background, in your English Bible, the chronology, the order of the books, is you have the book of Judges, followed by the book of Ruth, followed by the book of 1 Samuel. That's not how it is in the original, the Hebrew Bible.

The Hebrew Bible, the book of Ruth is in a separate section called the megilloth. It's in a whole different portion of the Old Testament. So it is, in the Hebrew Bible, Judges followed by 1 Samuel. That's the chronology. Now you know that Judges was one of the worst periods of time in Israel's history, in fact the closing chapter, chapter 21, has this statement, "There was no King in Israel and everyone did what was right in his own eyes." Remember that verse?

So describing that time, it was pure moral relativism. It was a black hole, spiritually. Where everybody just sort of did what everybody thought they wanted to do, without any moral compass. Into that black hole, God dispatches Samuel as a prophet. To pick Saul and to pick David.

But none of that would have been possible unless God got hold of a woman, who would pray and pour out her heart and be open to the Lord to open up her womb, knowing that once this child comes into life, I'm going to dedicate this child fully to the Lord. And look what God did. So it began with a woman. Somebody once said, when God wants to do a great work, He'll choose a man. When God wants to do an extraordinarily great work, He'll choose a woman. And He chose this woman to birth this prophet, who would go in to that culture and be a representative for God.

One of my heroes of Bible teaching is a guy by the name of G. Campbell Morgan, he lived last century, early part of-- well, a century ago. And he would always say that his love for the Bible came from his mother. That he observed his mother loving to read and live by and teach the scriptures. So he got that from mom. When he got married, he married a woman who equally loved the scriptures, and then he had a bunch of sons. And all of his sons, like him, became preachers.

They had a little friendly reunion of people in the neighborhood and all the kids were there. And one of the friends, one of the neighbors, ask one of G. Campbell Morgan's sons, hey, who's the best preacher in your family? Thinking the answer is going to be, oh, my brother is, or well, of course my father is. But the son said oh, my mother is the best preacher in our family. And all the boys agreed, even G. Campbell Morgan said, yep, she's the best. So allow me to introduce to you the best preacher in our family, my wife, Lenya.

Good morning!

Merci beau--

Buckets. Lots of buckets of thanks.

OK, so what does that mean?

Very much. Thank you very much. Thank you.

No, thank you. No thank you.

Elvis has left the building.

OK, so. There is a text in the New Testament, Lenya, Titus, that speaks by saying, likewise, teach the older woman to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderous, slanders or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children to be self controlled and pure. To be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus, chapter 2 verses 3, 4, and 5. So with that text in mind, I have a few questions. You ready?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

So what was yours, and what do you think is the highest priority of a mother?

Apart from loving God is loving your husband. I think the best way we show children our love is by loving their father. And so that's just a high standard for me, and this text even says that the older women should teach the younger women--

Now wait, wait, wait. What was that all about?

That was like, dang, I think I'm in that category of older woman. It's a little hard to swallow. So anyway, the older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands. And so one of the ways that we did that is, before Daddy got home, we would straighten up the house and have a meal plan. And I don't know why women don't like meal planning like I used to, but ordering pizza is a meal plan. Just in case you were stressing out, there. So that's an OK meal plan. So we would have a meal plan--

In fact, the meal plan can be, husband pick up the pizza on the way home. That's the meal plan.

Totally a meal plan.

OK, got it. Got it.

Yeah. So anyway, and then we would try and-- Nate, go comb your hair. And if I had sweats on, maybe I'd change out of my sweats. Just to make it a nice homecoming. And then no TV, no phone, initially when Dad comes home. I watch the news at night, I'm like a news junkie, so when Skip gets home, nine times out of 10, I'll be watching the news. So if he comes in, I either mute it, turn it off, get up and go and greet him, because that is just respectful. Whether it's your husband, your mother, a child. That you're not just ignoring someone, that you're really respecting that they're in the room.

So we would do that. And then also a priority was loving my husband was also showing affection. So we would always kiss, like make out. No, just kidding.

Really?

We would make out in that kitchen like you can't believe. No.

I can't believe we're actually-- you actually said that.

Are you blushing?

I'm kind of blushing. First of all, it didn't happen. Quite that way. But we did show affection, and we did that on purpose, because we wanted our children to be able to see that.

And when he was little, he'd go, ew. And then when he was older, he goes, kiss her again, kiss her again! I think he's back at ew.

I think, yeah, he's definitely regressed to the first sentiment.

Yeah, TMI.

And so, then also respect, this loving of my husband, is to respect my husband. So we wouldn't have secrets from Dad, like don't tell your dad I bought that. Or when your dad gets home, nix on that. Or don't let him know. And so I just think that's inappropriate. That children and moms shouldn't have secrets from Dad, it should be an integrated family.

Wanted to be both fronts.

Yeah, that they can't play one against the other. We talked about that, earlier. Who's good cop, bad cop?

You go ahead, Lenya, what are you going to say?

No, you tell them.

Who's the good cop? You are the good cop.

No, you are not telling the truth!

Yeah, I'm probably the softer one, right? But you were with him day in and day out, so I probably was a lot easier. So he would try to kind of do an end around and say, hey--

Dad said.

Right. So we always made sure that we would always check with the other or say, well let's go ask your mom or let's go ask your dad--

It's true, we did.

So it was a unified front.

Exactly. So yeah, that's a large part of our biggest priority, love and respect. And so we make sure dad gets love and respect. You feeling the love, hon?

I am. I'm feeling-- and I've always felt the love.

Good.

OK, so the Bible talks a lot about training up a child, right? Everybody knows the verse, train up a child in the way that he should go when he's older, he won't depart from it. How do you specifically do that? What do you train a child, how do you do it?

Mr. Spoon. Spare the spoon, spoil the child.

You're talking about corporal discipline, right?

Yes, I am.

You believe in that, do you believe--

I do, actually, believe. But it could be different. You have to train up a child. So that is-- that was part of what we did. But I think training a child are multiple ways. We train them spiritually, emotionally, and personally. And spiritually, it was really important in the Heitzig home that he would know the scripture. And so Skip was amazing. He made up this thing called Say, Play, and Pray. We would say the scripture, then we would play them, Goliath, and Nathan would be David.

We had a costume-- we had a trunk full of costumes.

Yes.

So we would always dress up like the character that we just read about in the story in the Bible.

And then we would Say, Play, and Pray. Then we'd pray about it that we with act that out in our lives as well as acting it out in our home. So spiritually, that's super important.

That's why he threw rocks after the David and Goliath story, I'm guessing.

No, he didn't do that.

I know, I know, I am just-- it's the fourth service, jet lag, things like that.

OK and then emotionally. I think that as moms, we are nurturers. And we are just the kinder gender. And so anyway, I think that we help our kids identify their emotions and express them appropriately. And I'm not kidding about that. A lot of times, we feel emotions, but we don't know where they came from, what they are, and what we should do about all that. And so a lot of times when Nathan was young, and he was having some kind of experience, I'd say, well, are you mad? Are you sad? Are you frustrated? And I would try and help him identify what was going on in his little heart. And then to express it appropriately.

Like recently, Seth came over to the house and he was just in a mood, you ever have kids that are in a mood? And he like tossed a pillow and was mean to Katie and sassed back to me, so Janae said, Seth, you cannot talk like that to your Mimi. And so he walked over to me--

That's what you were called. You're the mimi.

I'm mimi instead of grandma. And so he came over to me and he just started crying. I go, buddy, what's going on? He goes, mimi, I'm just frustrated. It's been a terrible day. And that's all he really wanted to say. He wasn't trying to throw pillows or be mean. And I go, well dude, let's talk about frustration. What do we do with frustration? How do we-- you know, you can either exercise, work it out, you could talk about it with somebody. So you make that a teaching moment and let him know that there are ways to express his emotions.

Let me just put a fine point on that. It's important to teach a child to be able to articulate their emotions, because if they don't, they grow up and they'll express anger and they'll never have had a handle on being able to isolate what they felt like.

I agree. Totally agree with that. So spiritually, emotionally, and then personally. You know, this bundle lands in your lap, and you have no idea the gift you've been given. You don't know their personality, their attributes, their capabilities, their callings, their giftings. And so it's kind of our job to discover that together. And so you provide opportunities for your kids, whether it's sports or music or math or reading, and all kinds of experiences so that you can find out what their gifts and callings and aptitudes are. And so you want to encourage.

They discover their identity. And so that you're launching them-- launching this arrow into a direction that they could be the most successful Nathan he can be. And look how great Nathan is.

Yeah he is awesome.

He's an amazing child.

Yes.

Adult.

Yeah, there you go.

Person.

Yeah, I sort of feel bad for him, because he's thinking, gosh all these stories you're bringing up, but he was-- we tried to have more children and we had problems being able to do that. But I said, dude, you're going to be talked about a lot this weekend because we're talking about a mother's role. And guess who was your mother.

Yeah. The other thing is we had axioms in those personality developments. Like one of our axioms is never give up. And so sometimes, your kid doesn't want to learn to write or don't think they can be a math person, or you know, they just don't know how to make a bed. Mom, you're going to have to do it, I don't know how. The whole thing is confusing to me. And so we always say never give up.

And so you might want to include some axioms in your family. It gives them handles as they launch into life.

Family motto.

Yeah, and kindness was a value to us.

And even now, with Seth, who thought he wouldn't be able to do something or pull it off and we said--

I always say, Seth, what's the Heitzig motto? Never give up.

Yeah, that's right.

And so they'll-- you know, they'll go in it for another round.

OK I interrupted you. Then kindness, you we're talking about.

No, I was just saying that in their personality, we need to be good to develop that personality. So accentuate the positive, decentuate the negative. If they're good, put them in sports, if they're great put them in college. Figure out where they fit in society. We want to raise great citizens who contribute and give back to society. And not are always takers.

That's awesome, that's great. OK. Yes. I'm clapping because that was good. I should have done that. I want to talk about the tone in a home.

Oh, that's good, honey, the tone in the home.

The tone in the home.

Is that a rap song?

It could be, you want to try it?

No.

Yeah, good.

I don't even know how to do that.

You're getting it, keep it up. I wouldn't practice it right now. Maybe later we can work on this.

I can dab.

A lot of times, the tone is set in a home by the mother, because she is there with that child, typically, not always, I don't want to paint with a broom, but a bulk of the time. So there's an old saying, everybody knows it. If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.

And there's been times I put myself in time out. You know, moms, if you got to put yourself in time out, you gotta do what you gotta do. So it's like, honey, I'm taking a bath. He's all yours for a little while. You know what I mean.

Right, right.

So you can put yourself-- anyway, our homes should be a sanctuary, that's the way I look at it. When Nate and Skip or Janae or the family are there, this should be a safe space where they can decompress, they can be themselves, they can just let loose. There's a lot of else that's stressing you out in the world, and so home should be a wonderful place. I believe in dinner around a table, sorry to come back to this, ladies. But do you know when you have dinners around a table that your grade level increases for your child? And they are less likely to be engaged in promiscuity and in drugs. So have meals--

A lot of studies have been done about that.

Yes, a lot. So have meals around the table. Again, even if it's just pizza. It values your home, it values your family, it values the individual.

And when we're around the table, there are no phones, we engage with one another.

No lights, no motor cars.

Not a single luxury. I know that song. That Gilligan's Island?

Yes.

How many of you remember Gilligan's Island?

Thank you!

What a good old show.

OK. So no phones at the table.

Yeah, and you know, we sing. That's another Heitzig value. Our kids, we did this thing one year, we had kazoos. And you had to pull up a song and you had to guess who was making the song. So now the kids, as soon as they sit down to eat, they'll go hey, I got one. And then they want you all to sing. I think home should be happy and kind and nurturing and loving and special. So create that, ladies. Be busy at home.

That's good.

That's what we're supposed to do. And then it says that we should be kind. We should treat others with gentleness. And so Nathan learned some of those things when he was young. We didn't have siblings, but he had a cousin named Lenya. And if he liked dog, she likes cat, Batman, Catwoman.

Polar opposites.

I know. So one day, they were upstairs and I was down. And I heard a commotion going on, and I think Batman shoved Catwoman off the bed and she landed on the Batmobile, which scratched her side. So what would a cat do? She bit Batman. And there was just screaming and a commotion and they came downstairs and I said, today I'm going to teach you about grace and mercy.

Mercy means you don't get what you deserve. Y'all deserved not to have dinner and go to bed hungry. But I'm not going to give you what deserved. I'm going to give you grace. You know what grace is? Getting what you don't deserve. Come on, let's get in the car, we're going to Target. You can pick out $10 or less a present at target.

So you rewarded their bad behavior?

I did.

OK. So explain this to us.

Well that's what taught them grace and mercy.

OK.

Grace, you're getting something you don't deserve.

They were walking to the store like, when's the other shoe going to drop.

Where is my mother and what have you done with her? But you know what, Nathan remembers that lesson today. All the way through. Now there was another time he did something bad, he said, what about grace and mercy? And I said, today is mercy and judgment. Gotta learn them all.

You got to be balanced.

Yeah, gotta learn them all. So it's balance. But we want to teach them kindness. And others. The Bible says love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. And I want Nathan to know who his neighbors are. So have you guys noticed there's more homeless people in Albuquerque than there ever have been? And so I don't think we should ignore them. Jesus wouldn't have.

He said visit those in prison, visit the poor, visit those in hospitals. So Nathan I colored some paper bags and filled them with non-perishables and tracks and socks. We put them in a laundry basket. And when we go down the street, instead of like averting your gaze, Nate would go, mom, there's one of those people. Like they were good. And they might be, that's someone's mother, brother, son that's there. And your act of kindness can make a difference. And we have to raise kind people who care about others.

So we would hand out these bags. And to this day, Nathan will turn his car around, go to Burger King or McDonald's and get a gift certificate and give it to someone. You guys, we cannot ignore those who are hurting in our midst. There's something we should do. A tone in the home of kindness is a good thing.

And I remember there were times when that generosity spilled out not just to homeless, but to people who would come over. Like we would have bought him something and then we'd see it walking out the door with another child.

Do you remember Abercrombie when it was like the thing? I don't know if it's the thing anymore. But he had two Abercrombie shirts, because he would ask for them from grandma and grandpa for birthdays. And one day, a kid walked out with one of the coveted Abercrombie shirts. I was like, Nate, what's going on? He goes, mom, I have two and he didn't have one. It's like, all right, buddy.

Yeah, you can't knock that.

You want to learn kindness, that's the way to learn it.

OK so let's talk about, in the time we have left, some practical ways to teach what is good. The Bible does talk about teaching what is good. So talk about that.

Part of that is purity. It says to be pure in this text. And I think our homes are like a old city that has the walls built around them. And you guys, you have got to protect the babies. So you don't want pornography in your home, bad language in your home. Ladies, if you have a Victoria's Secret catalog and it stumbles your son, stop it. You know what I mean? If that's what you gotta do, it's what you got to do.

We noticed that on our TV at night, bad things come on it. So we drove down to Comcast and said get that off our TV. We're not stumbling the kids who are in our home. I mean, we have to make those measures toward teaching what is good. Self-control and purity. And so step up. This is our job. One example, someone told me "The Last of the Mohicans" was a good movie when Nate was very young. And so I took him and his cousin Lenya. And it was all good until they ripped out the heart of the father and took a bite out of it. And then they were crying, I'm traumatized! I'm traumatized! I hate this stupid old lady movie. And I failed, utterly, to protect them from an age-appropriate thing.

Now Nathan preached last week. He turned out OK, right?

Yeah.

So we make mistakes. It happens. But when you figure out something is stumbling your child, fix it. If they're becoming overweight, take away some of those snacks that they shouldn't be eating. We are responsible for what happens in our homes.

Really quickly. One last question. If this Lenya could speak to a younger Lenya, just starting out raising kids. Speak to the younger woman who has a few kids, it's frustrating, they want to do it right, they want to be the perfect mom. What would you say?

Relax. Totally. I think we would all go back and say take a chill. I almost was like mommy dearest, you guys know that reference? No more wire hangers! I would make Nate clean his room and if it wasn't clean enough, I'd throw it all back out and say put it away properly. I mean, that's just not a good moment. That was just like-- a little OCD.

So anyway, relax. It's OK. No one's going to die if the dishes aren't done. It's all right. And then, maybe secondarily, enjoy. Really just enjoy it. It's all going to be over so quickly. And then you're going to have grandchildren, which are amazing.

Yep, yep, yep.

But anyway, enjoy the ride. It's really spectacular. And just slow it down a notch.

One thing. Finally, Lenya. Would you mind closing by praying for the mothers who are here as a part of our church?

Yeah. Lord, thank you for the privilege of being a nurturer, a mother. What an amazing gift it is that you've given us. And I pray that you would help these ladies to learn unconditional love, that Agape, that these kids don't have to do anything to be loved. They are loved. And so we would flow out of that.

And sometimes, we can't give what we don't have. So fill us with your spirit, Lord, so that we would have the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, long suffering, gentleness, kindness, meekness, Lord. We need everything that you can give us to be able to fulfill the task that you've given. And Lord, I just pray for the children represented in this room, that you would seek and save them and a generation would rise up, Lord, to bring glory to your name. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Best preacher in the family, right here.

We hope you enjoyed this message from Skip Heitzig of Calvary Church. How will you help with the truths that you learned into action in your life? Let us know. Email us at mystory@calvarynm.church. And just a reminder, you can support this ministry with a financial gift at calvarynm.church/gift.

Thank you for joining us for this teaching from Calvary Church.

Additional Messages in this Series

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7/29/2018
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Meet the Architect
Psalm 127
Skip Heitzig
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Message Summary
In this first message of our Smart Home series, we focus on the foundational elements. Let’s meet the Architect of the home and the family—God Himself. His blueprints for the people He creates include satisfying relationships and integrated operation. We should make sure to build alongside of Him so that our homes become satisfying places of refuge, palaces of joy, and platforms for worship. Let’s take a fresh look at Solomon’s instruction.
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8/5/2018
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Get Prequalified—Finding a Mate
Genesis 24; Genesis 29
Skip Heitzig
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Message Summary
Dating can be exciting. It can also get weird and end poorly. I like the common sense of one who quipped, "Some people are unmarried for the same reason that some drivers run out of gas. They pass too many filling stations looking for their favorite brand!" Though dating was unknown in biblical times, let’s look at five principles in budding relationships to help you prequalify to build a solid, long-lasting, and satisfying Smart Home.
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8/12/2018
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Get Prequalified—The Minimalist Home
1 Corinthians 7; Matthew 19
Skip Heitzig
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Should the top priority of a single person be to get married? Can a Smart Home also be a minimalistic home—with just one occupant? Why is it that singleness is sometimes considered less acceptable than marriage? Can the single life be a full, enriching, and positive experience? Perhaps you’ve lost your mate or you’re still waiting to find one. Or maybe you’re happy to stay single. Today let’s consider singleness and celibacy in light of Scripture.
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8/19/2018
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Following the Blueprint—A Husband’s Love
Ephesians 5:25-32
Skip Heitzig
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Message Summary
To live in a Smart Home, occupants must follow the architect’s blueprint. God, the inventor of marriage, has given roles to husbands and wives so they can live together in harmony and joy. The basic role of a husband is to love his wife. This love is explained and described by the architect in the building documents found in Ephesians 5. This kind of love that a husband lavishes on his wife will enable her to fulfill her role with greater ease and deeper contentment.
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8/26/2018
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Following the Blueprint—A Wife’s Submission
Ephesians 5:22-24
Skip Heitzig
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When it comes to a family’s roles within the home, the “S” word (submission) can generate controversy. To modern ears, God’s standards can seem out-of-date and even distasteful to some. But I am suggesting that the quickest way to fulfillment for a married woman is to discover the freedom of her role as properly understood in Scripture. So let’s jump in and unpack this role and see how it is meant to correspond to a husband’s loving leadership.
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9/2/2018
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Building Your Future Home with Care
Ephesians 5:15-21
Skip Heitzig
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Message Summary
The construction of a house is no small undertaking. After the blueprints have been drawn up and approved, there are a series of steps to take to ensure the building is strong and durable. The verses we are considering today give us the preliminary features necessary to live peacefully with another person. Before the roles of family members can ever be exercised successfully, these considerations come first.
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9/9/2018
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Till Death Do Us Part—What You Need to Know to Make Marriage Last
Genesis 2; Mark 10
Skip Heitzig
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Is a lifetime commitment to a spouse even reasonable? Does permanence have to become a goal if it means a couple just has to grin and bear it? What if a marriage hinders one’s personal growth and self-fulfillment? Today I want to make a case not just for getting married but also for staying married. Let’s go back to the divine architect’s original prototype to understand what He had in mind when coming up with this idea of marriage.
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9/16/2018
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The Master Bedroom: Components of Marital Intimacy
Proverbs 5:15-21
Skip Heitzig
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Being intimate with your spouse involves more than just sex (though it certainly includes that). Intimacy is a sense of caring and affection in which one can be totally vulnerable with someone without the fear of being hurt or misunderstood. The physical/sexual factor should only enhance that. Intimacy is essential if a marriage is going to thrive. Let’s recover four components of marital intimacy.
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9/30/2018
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Communication Breakdown
Nate Heitzig
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God’s plan for the family is to build, strengthen, and protect it. But Satan has declared war on the family as he seeks to undermine, weaken, and destroy it. The statistics are staggering: the divorce rate has risen over 700 percent in this century, and there is one divorce for every 1.8 marriages. Since communication is key to oneness in marriage, Nate Heitzig examines the Scriptures to find how to deal with communication breakdown in a marriage, both how to prevent it and how to repair it.
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10/7/2018
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A Smart Home...with In-Laws?
Genesis 28-31
Skip Heitzig
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Every wedding creates a blended family. Marriage not only joins a man and a woman, it blends the extended family of mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, sisters-in-law, and brothers-in-law. The odds for dysfunction run pretty high. Today we consider the roles of God, parents, in-laws, and married children doing life together. How can in-laws be prevented from becoming outlaws? Four principles apply:
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10/21/2018
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Money Matters for the Smart Home
2 Corinthians 9:6-15
Skip Heitzig
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The issue of money in a marriage is a primary source of conflict and worry, so much so that this conflict often leads to collapse. How can a married couple handle their finances so the marriage relationship isn’t damaged? Using an example of the apostle Paul’s plan to raise funds for the Jerusalem church, let’s get some solid pointers on the believer’s (and hence believing couples’) relationship to finances. Like it or not, money matters.
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10/28/2018
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Looks Can Kill: Winning the Battle with Temptation
Matthew 5:27-30
Nate Heitzig
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Many have heard the saying, "If looks could kill…" The truth is, looks can kill, spiritually speaking: temptation leads to sin and sin leads to death. In this teaching, Pastor Nate Heitzig examines two admittedly uncomfortable topics: temptation and adultery. In light of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:21-31, two strategies emerge for how to stop temptation before it starts, and how to stop temptation once it starts.
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11/11/2018
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The Single-Parent Family
Acts 16; 2 Timothy 1
Skip Heitzig
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Some of the most struggling and lonely people in our congregation may be those who are single parents. They may be moms, dads, divorced, or never married. They may be young teenagers; they may be older grandparents—but they all have this in common: they are raising children by themselves. Does the Bible speak to this? Are there any clues for Christians to understand so we can help bear the load of single parents among us? Yes, there are. Let’s take a look at them.
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11/18/2018
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Guest Speaker Nate Heitzig
Nate Heitzig
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There are 14 additional messages in this series.